imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

Kinda? Not quite. It's.

[ MORE GESTURES ]

Augh, it's hard to describe. It's like ... a hollow, exhausted, disconnected feeling. Like you're still you, but scraped out and cut off.

I don't know if my amnesia back then was 'cause of the feathers or, heh, trauma.

[ ... stretches a wing out like, as an invitation to cuddle into it ]

Sounds rough.

[ oh ....... ]

[ snuggles into the wing ]

Just a li'l.

[ a quiet huffy not-laugh ] And the folks who find my feathers, I guess maybe they're like... oh, Miya, you're a magical sparkly celestial dragon deity apparently! You've got all of that power and soul juice, you don't need all of it. What's one drop in the bucket?

Well. They're my drops and it's my bucket, and I want it all back where it should be. I want to know what it feels like to be whole.

[ tucks her under!! ]

It's your bucket! You're not a public resource!

[ hhhhhhhhahahaha, ha, ha ]

Y'know, some people'd prob'ly say I signed up to be a public resource, what with the whole Unisonya and Prisma Knight thing ...

But that's a whole other can of worms.

Speaking as an official public resource, nah.

[ GRUMBLY. like a very mildly annoyed cat sound. ]

Nah.

[ BURROWS ]

I bet they'd drop me as a poster child right quick if they knew about my many many murders.

That is pretty much what happens.

[ a mildly more intense grumble ]

It's exhausting.

[ her ears flick back. start to relax... flick back again ]

I'm glad you're retiring. I hope Kit can, too, before anyone links him to the Knight ...

Yeah, the real function of a secret identity is to protect you from parasocial relationships. Who knew?

I hope you guys get to retire soon too.

Being a celebrity sucks, and I say that as someone who loves attention.

... I've been getting worried. About stuff. My stuff, from before I went to Earth, coming back to bite us. Neither me nor Kit do what we do because we want to be heroes, but that's still what we're seen as.

And I - well. One of the memories I got back was a big chunk of time from the arena. And the cells.

You think anyone from there is gonna tell on you?

[ a brief half-smile ]

There's one guy who could. Probably would, too.

Would people believe him?

Good question!

He's not... exactly what I'm worried about, though. I'm worried more about, uh. Me.

Oh yeah?

So.

Turns out.

When you've been thrown in enough fights to the death.

You kinda... start. Blurring lines outside the arena, too?

[ fidgets with a loose lock of hair, looking out across the park ]

... They started putting me in cells with other prisoners. Not all the time. It was another one of their tests, I guess - to see how I'd handle it. Aaaaand. Well. I hurt people.

[ feathers puff >:( ]

I think under those conditions it would have been a miracle if you didn't hurt anyone.

Most of them were just trying to get by.

[ so was she ]

Some of them were - [ huff ] seems wrong, out here, to say they were arseholes or stupid. They pushed their luck, but still.

You were in a desperate position and had no way of knowing if any of those people could or would harm you. If you hadn't been, you wouldn't have done it. I don't think it makes you a bad person or anything.

... [ leans into him ]

I don't know if I wouldn't. That's the thing. [ Looks down at her hands. ] Can I really say for sure, that in the heat of the moment ... if someone startled me, I wouldn't react badly? No. Not anymore.

Well... it's good to be aware of that possibility. I still don't think it makes you bad.

... Thanks.

Still. It'd be a bad look.

It would be a bad look. I can't disagree with that.

Back home? Disaster, whether I'm the model or the airquotes hero airquotes.

Here? Big oof. I'm proud of our non-violence, you know? Even if some people get weird about it.