imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

Irrevocably.

[ Sanguine sighs. ]

No one will ever trust us again... And they won't be wrong to, even if we never play like that again. We can never take this back. Our actions.... speak far, far louder than our intentions.

Yeah. I don't blame anyone for not trusting us. Honestly, if this happened again I'd want us to take the full heat.

I'm not sure I'm capable of playing bad guy that hard, but I'd almost play it up to draw it, if we could. We completely failed to protect anyone this way though, there's no saying we'd manage to help anyone that way either.

I don't think I could play up that angle... and I don't want to. I think the best we can do is play as gently as possible in the future, and accept our consequences in those games. If they know it's us, they won't trust us... And we can't earn their trust back. But we can do our best not to betray them again.

Yeah. That's probably all we can do, at this point.

I don't... It's not the trust loss that bothers me. We deserve it. It's... Hurting them with it. I...

[Deep breath, repress.]

Taisho's going to be mad for a long time, I think, and that's okay. I don't even know how to make it up to AlcheME.

....I don't care about the loss of trust, either. I care that we hurt them. I care that nothing we can do can ever make up for the fact that we hurt them, permanently.

Yeah.... I know. Me too.

[The guilt is never going to go away.]

[ Never, ever. It lives here now. ]

This.... isn't.... what I....

[ Sanguine blinks suddenly, several times and very rapidly. He takes in a deep, shaky breath and expels it slowly. ]

That doesn't really matter, though. We'll. We'll figure this out.

Well... We'll at least do our best.

[Not the most comforting. He takes a deep breath.]

Just keep in mind you aren't alone, okay? We share this equally.

[ Sanguine starts blinking rapidly again, turns his head away. ]

...I know. Thanks.

[Reaches up and, gently, pets his head.]

We'll figure this out, we're not helpless, we screwed up but that doesn't make you a bad person Sanguine. We're all flawed.

[ It's too late, he had already suspected he was a bad person— this just proved it. ]

I know we'll figure it out. It'll take time, but we'll get there.

[ The rest of that, he's ignoring. ]

You should listen to everything I say, you know, not just the parts you agree with.

....You ever looked at my profile?

[ It's related, honestly. ]

You ever look at mine? We're not exactly a crew of upstanding citizens. But we probably have our circumstances.

....I haven't glanced at profiles since the first day I woke up.

[ IF HE'S BEING HONEST. ]

My point is, I'll be fine. Honestly, I'm more worried about you and Boss than I am myself.

Me?

[He gets Boss and not being worried about Nine Nine but??]

You had friends there, right? At least, you've been very social. So of course I'd be worried how you're taking this.

I'm...

[What does he say. He's not actually fine.]

I don't know. I'm scared I've ruined what friendships I've started.

I can't say for sure that you haven't. But maybe... try to reach out to them in a day or two. Give them time. Hopefully.... hopefully, it will be salvageable.

[Smiles a little, but it's... He's exhausted.]

Yeah. Hopefully.

[ He might reach for Phoenix if he were better at physical affection. As it is, he just gives the other guy a weak smile of his own. ]

You're a good person... They'll probably understand.

Understanding... Well. I hope.

[It's not the same as trust or forgiveness but NOT LIKE WE DESERVE THOSE EH SANGUINE.]

[ THEY DEFINITELY DON'T AND THAT'S WHY HE AVOIDED THE WORD. ]

I'll hope for you, too. I imagine.... it would be painful to lose those friendships, even if they're new.

What about you? I don't even know who you're close to.

....I'm not really close to anyone.

[ He says that very carefully. It's true, but he doesn't want it to come out as something to be sorry for. ]