imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

[For a moment, Nemesis only tenses at the touch--sucks in a long breath]

[And then she--deflates, shaking that breath out slowly, and sagging into the hand on her shoulder a little]

[ She is so not cut out for this; the silence and perceived rejection. Fair or not (and she knows it's not), trying to be with someone who so clearly doesn't want her around nudges all her worst impulses toward the surface. But she's going to try, at least for now, if only to tell herself she tried. ]

[ Squeezing that shoulder, just a little. ] We don't have to talk about it. That's not the only way to be with someone when everything sucks.

So just -- let me try?

...Okay.

[The word comes out soft and thick and reluctant, like it's all she can manage around the lump in her throat--like her voice might fall away completely if she tried saying much more. But another beat and she reaches out to curl her fingers into Alizarin's shirt hem, as if entreating her to indeed stay, even as words fail her]

[ Well, at least they're both awful at this, cold comfort though it is. And she's getting something this time, not just a heaping helping of brush-off. ]

Okay. [ Scooting closer, shifting her hand so it's sort of around Nemesis, but not entirely, so she has an out of she wants one, or a shoulder if she wants to go the other way. ]

[She mostly stays where she is, bowed forward, and her limbs stay stiff in the awkward half-embrace. Nevertheless she keeps her hand knotted in the fabric of Alizarin's top, so it must not be all that awkward to want to keep her close]

...Sorry. I--sorry.

Don't be sorry. [ She might not really get it, but she doesn't have to get everything (so she tells herself, refusing to be any more frustrated by this than she has been). ] I've been there.

[ Aliza sort of stoops over, like she's curling over Nemesis without actually touching her more than with the one hand, protective in a sense. It's the best she can think to do. ]

[She ducks her head, attempting to slow her breathing to a normal speed]

It--ain't a big deal. Just--gimme a minute, sorry.

[ Doing her best not to bristle at that. It's fine that things are a big deal -- but she can see the appeal of pretending, maybe. Besides, it's been a few days, what's another minute, or even a handful, or an hour? ]

Fine, one minute. Three at most. I've got a very busy schedule of doing absolutely nothing important to keep up with. [ She's not sure if jokes are the thing but what the hell, she couldn't possibly be any worse at this. ]

...R-right.

[Her voice is uncertain, and she swallows again, thick; carefully unhooks her hand to scrub down her own face and maybe come out seeming less desperate besides. Mileage may vary on that one, but not too much longer than a minute later she raises her head and curls her hands back around her middle, expression a valiant attempt at neutral]

Sorry. Just...a long week.

Edited 2022-01-10 03:44 (UTC)

[ The apology -- repeated, truly unnecessary -- strikes oddly, because when Childe did the same she was so comfortable saying that he need never apologize to her, about anything, and she knew he'd accept that answer. Right now, however, nothing sounds right, she's second guessing everything because everything she does only makes it worse. ]

I know. [ (But she doesn't, not really, only knows from the outside. Still, it's what you say.) ] You want to rest a minute? I make a good pillow, and I promise to shut up. [ because that's the closest guess she's got as to what's needed here? ]

[Nemesis hesitates]

...You don't mind? Feel like I already put you out plenty today.

I don't mind. [ Not even going to touch that other part, because she was put out and she's not going to patronizingly contend that she wasn't, but it's not like either of them know what they're doing here. ] I wouldn't be here if I minded.

[ Sliding over a little, making some room, the arm on Nemesis's back gently urging her closer. ] Come on.

[She lowers her head, and hesitates more, and finally scoots closer as well]

Either way, can't possibly be what you were hoping to do with your day. So don't feel like you gotta waste your time babysitting or nothing.

[ Trying again to urge her over, like she's trying to soothe a skittish animal. ] I said I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. Can't you just trust me a little? [ Because if not, then what are they even doing? ]

Anyway, you're sparing me from having to play that damn thing. [ Nodding at the violin case, not that Nem can probably see it. ]

Trust don't got nothing to do with it. Just trying not to overstep my bounds.

[Quiet, and then she looks up--over at the case, apparently happy to jump on the subject change as well]

...Play what?

[ ...Bounds? ][ Did they agree to bounds and she wasn't consulted? ][ Whatever, even as oblivious as Aliza is she knows this isn't the moment. ]

It's a violin. I got it the other night. I'm pretty good at it. [ But she also hates it, which is confusing and another thing for which this is not the moment. ]

[Definitely seems like the perfect moment,]

...You remember playing it any?

No, but right after I woke up I -- well, I couldn't talk. Venti was telling me about the instruments he plays, and I wanted to ask if he played the cello but I couldn't come up with the word, so I started imitating. He noticed my hands, and guessed that I played. I didn't feel like hauling a cello around, so.

[ She picked up the portable version, gave it a try. ] Funny how I can do all this useless stuff like instruments, painting, even opera singing, but I can't cook for anything.

[ You laying down or what? ]

Anybody can make food. Being talented enough to make something beautiful through the arts seems way more useful if you ask me.

[She does not make any move to do anything but curl up on herself without invitation--she already feels anxiously in the way as it is]

Yeah, well. When you like to eat as much as I do, cooking sounds more useful.

[ Almost sighing when Nemesis doesn't take the offer to rest on her, but why is she surprised? ]

Is that your way of asking me to play something?

Order out? Or get some friends who like to cook, and make them take care of that part.

[Despite seeming somewhat less jumpy than before, Nemesis is still folded in on herself as if to take up as little space as possible. She flushes at the call-out before faltering at the sigh and the tone]

Oh--no. I ain't trying to force you into nothing. Just--saying, practical stuff ain't always better than other stuff, that's all.

[ If you listen very carefully, you might actually hear her patience snapping neatly into tiny pieces! ]

You're not forcing me. Stop acting like I'm here at gunpoint. [ She draws a breath, well aware that losing her temper will not help a thing, but this is exhausting. When she speaks again, her tone is much softer once more. ]

I don't mind playing if it'll distract you. I'm offering. It's not out of pity or because I'm babysitting or whatever, it's because I care about you. [ Is that her mistake? Are those 'bounds' Nemesis referred to being crossed by those feelings? She didn't think so, and now she has no damn clue. ]

[ She leans over and snaps open the violin case and takes out the instrument and bow. ]

...Don't seem like it.

I might be dumb, but I ain't an idiot. 'Cause its super obvious you're still pissed off over whatever I did and you don't wanna be here.

And--honestly, why would you? I ain't useful or supportive or even entertaining. I'm just some boring sad-sack fuckup. Nobody deserves to have to deal with that, much less you. Pretending anything else is a waste of both our time.

[ -- Wow, that sure was a lot of things that aren't accurate. Aliza can see how it'd be hard to tell what she's feeling though, because she's not being herself. She's trying to be whatever will help and it's making her act all stilted and weird (and yes, frustrated). It's also doing the opposite of helping. ]

[ So, fine. She puts her violin back in its case. Nemesis wants the whole truth, she can have it. But first -- ]

If I tell you what's going on in my head, will you believe me? Like, really believe me, and not whatever's in your head telling you that I'm lying? I'm not going to do this if you're not ready to actually hear me and trust that I'm telling you the truth.

[ Her voice wavers at the end, but no further theatrics... yet. She feels everything with her whole heart, so there's bound to be a lot of emotive drama in what she says, and she's not even going to try and help it. Or -- ]

[ Or, she can just go. But she hasn't moved, and isn't going to unless Nemesis says that trying any further isn't worth her efforts. ]

[Her expression is a little strained; definitely uneasy. But she doesn't take long to nod, even though it's a little hesitant. Of course, believing that sort of thing can be pretty difficult for some people...]

...I'll trust you. I wanna hear what you have to say.

Edited 2022-01-11 04:26 (UTC)

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