fanmail + theme announcement!

[idolpro]

Who: You!
Where: Hotel Lobby!
When: Day 338

[ What?? Is it. . . fanmail time already????

It is! So there are many boxes scattered around, less like they're blocking the entrances and more like they're just blocking your walking path in general. Don't trip, there's a box! Look out, it's a box! What's in the sky!? . . . I dunno, that's not a box!? ]

Producers: It's starting to warm up, so let's warm things up!
Producers: Out with the old, in with the new! Novel and Romance are over, now it's ✨✨✨RECIPROCATION✨✨✨ and ✨✨✨DRESS-UP✨✨✨for you!
Producers: Did you get something nice? Pay it back, you fucking fucker!
Producers: Did you get something mean? Get thy vengeance sevenfold!
Producers: Oh, and make sure you look nice when you do it!
Producers: You won't get the extra points though ☆(・ω<)

[ OOC NOTE: WE'RE GONNA TRY SOMETHING NEW!

In the interest of making it easier to hide/separate NSFW content, we're asking players to put their NSFW fanmail reactions under a "cut". How does that work? Here's an example!

We've got a poll up on Discord about it; if it's too much effort or if there's something about it you super don't like, you don't have to do it, but for the sake of player comfort and happiness, if it's not too big of an ask, we'd like everyone's cooperation in trying this out. Thank you! ]

Comments

Re: 2/2

[lionhurt]

Pass. You know that's what's holding me together, right?

Re: 2/2

[heavyliesthecrown]

Holding you together...?

Re: 2/2

[lionhurt]

Hell tears people up, Kasa-kun. Why do you think we're auditions? It's because it's better in here than it is losing more of me out there.

Re: 2/2

[heavyliesthecrown]

[ . . . ]

I don't understand. And I feel frustrated.

. . . You, King, and Tenshouin-oniisama have all wound up in this place as auditions.

Naturally, I am relieved that whatever was harming you physically before has stopped, but it's by being tossed into the pits of a different type of hell.

What...happened to each of you? Why is it that everyone from home is... [dead]

[ He kind of hates it. His hands tighten on the covered book in his hands. ]

Are we even sure that not everyone here is already gone? Even if many of us were not brought to this place as auditions, we are all still in hell, after all.

[lionhurt]

You'd know. You're not a kid anymore, so don't go seeking me out hoping I'll tell you a fairy tale or something— one where we're all in this together or only the bad guys get what they deserve. Because even if I could do that. . .

[ looks him in the eye and trying to hold Tsukasa's gaze as he looks down ]

All I'd have to tell you that all three of us deserve it, that's not going to help you and that's not like, something that matters.

[ he shrugs, an aggressive rather than helpless gesture, and then claps them together and dusts his hands off, like he's washing his hands of that ]

So, let's skip the why. I'd hate it if Ou-sama came and spilled out everything about me just randomly, so I'm not going to tell you anything until he's in on it. Tenshouin's his own person, anyway? And his petty vengeance is so not something I want aimed my way.

Back to the first part— you'd definitely know if you were glued back together. You don't doubt that you're missing your memories, yeah? But you're you. You don't feel broken, yeah? You don't look broken to me. I've— [ failed to save-- no, he can't say that to Tsukasa. Switches tacks ]—gotten stuck baby-sitting enough broken people to know.

[ prods Tsukasa in the chest, a gesture that would be accusative except. Well. Nothing he says in an accusation, as he tries to convince Tsukasa he's not dead ]

There's no soul-deep fray to you. That you're still fighting it this hard is proof enough, no one fished you out of any gutter. You're Knight's miracle— but I don't think we're going to get a miracle down in Hell. This place isn't exactly like where we were before. If nothing else, Tenshouin's not actually the devil, he just likes to put on airs and talk big.

Besides, what have you got to be frustrated about, anyway? Sure, I'm dead and it sucks big time. But like, that's going to stop me? I mean, I'm here because I have something I want, or I would have just not let them stick me back together at all? It's nice that you want to whine and complain but I'm not sulking, Kasa-kun. It's just so~o annoying that you think you can go ahead and do that for me.

[heavyliesthecrown]

[ . . . Well. The frustration remains. He simply frowns as a finger is jabbed into his chest. He can accept that auditions are fully different, then. And it's true. He doesn't feel broken. Confused? All of the time. His senpai are terrible at explaining things, and with a lack of memories, he's more often than not floundering to piece information together. But he doesn't feel torn apart.

The fact that they feel like that is the troubling part. Izumi clearly... has reconciled things. As much as anyone can, he supposes. And it feels disrespectful to complain about it if that isn't what he wants.

At the same time, he can't help but feel vexed. ]

That is easy for you to say. [ Or not...?? ] But I don't think you can decide how I should feel about the fact that everyone I supposedly know from home is gone.

[ There. He said it. But his eyes glance away from his to stare unhappily to the side.]

I am frustrated because I don't know what I am supposed to do with all of this information. There isn't a Knights to return to if two of the members have gone ahead and died without permission. But you act as though I-- or we? Naru-san and Rittsu-san [ He only knows their names because of the cats ] would just carry merrily along.

And as far as they are likely aware, I've been kidnapped after they've lost both you and King. What kind of an inconvenience do you think we have caused them? So on this, I am going to have to disagree with you on a number of points. Maybe you aren't sulking, but perhaps you should take a little bit of responsibility.

[ When all else fails be unreasonably frustrated with the person who died it's fine. ]

[lionhurt]

[ He looks down, his jaw clenched. ]

You're really taking after him, Kasa-kun. Since when do I need your permission, or to beg forgiveness?

Of course you won't be the same, but this isn't the first time they've lost someone. The school cenotaph says it loud and clear, even if you weren't listening. And— when Ou-sama left, I carried on in his place— even though he was missing for part of it. I didn't know if he was alive or dead, you know?

[ he shakes his head and looks back up, ugh no Tsukasa doesn't know the context for any of this without his memories. He doesn't want to explain that right now and preferably wouldn't like to explain it ever. He barrels on ]

So fine! You want me to take responsibility Kasa-kun? Fine, then. I will! I've got a wish waiting for me at the end, and I'll wish for your Knights to be able to carry on. There, done. I've taken responsibility. What else do you want, here?

[heavyliesthecrown]

I-- That isn't what I want at all!

[ His knuckles turn white, clutching the book in his hand tightly. ]

Do not just decide things for us! If I want for Knights to continue on, then I will make that wish myself! Or do it with my own two hands. But I can't picture a unit continuing on after such a devastating loss.

[ Why is he just fine with it!? ]

What I want is for everyone to stay together and be able to return to how things are supposed to be! [ Whatever that is. All he has is his idealized version of what it must mean to be in a unit, but his image of it is a wholesome place where they can all raise one another up! Not a tragic end. ]

All of this is wrong and it's messed up! Attending school together, being a unit and overcoming the challenges that we all face while marching toward victory- that's how it's supposed to be. Why are you so willing to just give all of that up?

[lionhurt]

What part of I'm dead can't you get through your big fat skull? Don't you want to not just blame me for not wanting to go back, but to persecute me for dying in the first place? You didn't give me permission to die?. Like, cool. Join the club. Guess how many times I've heard before that it's all my fault.

[ He knows Tsukasa doesn't know the context for any of this-- not just Tsukasa as an amnesiac, any version of Tsukasa. He's stupid, he's weak, he does the same thing over and over again— every time he tries to protect someone, his defenses are punctured or circumvented and the outcome is the same every time. It's exhausting. It's embittering.

The blue of his eyes glitter darkly, shining with unshed tears that look like malice against the black. ]

And it's not like I can argue with it. It is my fault. I've broken two people I wanted to protect, so what's one more? What's the unit on top of that?

[ He shakes his head, and his tone is derisive. He's mocking the idea, he's mocking himself. ]

Can't you think that just ma~aybe that's what I'm done with? I'm through. If you're just going to blame too, then shut up! I don't want to hear it. So~o sorry that I ruined your rosy future, with your glass ideals lying in pieces where they made contact with reality and shattered. I'm so tired of that. I worked harder than anyone to keep things together, and what did I get for it?

I got blamed for every single thing that didn't work out right.

[ He leans in taking tsukasa's face into his hands, pressing against his cheeks to hold Tsukasa's head in place so he can't look away. ]

You wanna know why I'm willing to give up? Because every single time I pushed on and kept trying before sucked. Why shouldn't I? It's not like trying works, and it's not like anyone's ever appreciated it.

1/2

[heavyliesthecrown]

[ He has to clench his jaw to keep from allowing his emotions to ungracefully spillover. He's already allowed them to get the better of him too many times here. The hurt, anguish, and frustration remain in his eyes though as he's forced to meet his gaze.

One beat. Two. A number of seconds have to pass before he can finally make himself speak again. ]

. . . I crossed a line.

[ Soft at first. ]

In a selfish display of shameful behavior, I unfairly blamed you for something you had no control over and rubbed salt in the wound. For that, I apologize.

[ He went overboard. Tenshouin had told him to never apologize, but in an instance like this, it's warranted. He shouldn't have let his emotions get the better of him, to begin with. ]

2/2

[heavyliesthecrown]

However.

[ One hand reaches up to grab onto his wrist to squeeze firmly, and his gaze hardens into something less yielding. ]

I am not giving up on anything.

[ Not on Izumi, not on their king, and not on himself. ]

Even in the pits of hell I will point my sword high into the air and take one step after another, no matter how many chains there might be, or how many games we play, or how many times we fall.

Each time, I will get back up no matter how many injuries or what is thrown at us. And I will not stop until I have reached the conclusion that I desire.

And then I will rise even further.

So thank you. For making something clear to me.

Re: 2/2

[lionhurt]

So uncute.

[ he scoffs, but it does little to hide that he's been knocked for a loop from being apologized to. he doesn't maintain the same level of harshness, though irritation is still there— of course he still won't be listened to. Not that he expected anything like that.

He tries to pull back, letting go of his hold on Tsukasa's face and tugging at Tsukasa's hold to try and get his wrist loose. ]

You're just gonna get scratched up, and end up more scar than person that way. But fine, it's your blood. You do what you want with it. But don't think that it has anything to do with me. My choices are mine, not for you to make for me.

So like, my recommendation? Don't go bleeding out for lost causes.

Re: 2/2

[heavyliesthecrown]

[ He releases him and folds his arms, slightly turning. ]

Indeed. That is just your opinion though. I am going to do whatever I think is best.

[ And now, he knows exactly how much weight he's going to have to carry. ]

I don't have to look cute in the end. I would much rather fall back and stand upon my convictions regardless of the scars. So while I would be much happier if I was able to stand proudly at my senpai's sides, if I have to do so alone for the time being, I don't care. I'll face it all no matter what happens.