Memories

[time5kip]

Who: Idols
Where: The Hotel or wherever their hearts will take them
When: 288 afternoon

[ Some of us have been FORBIDDEN from taking memories from too long and it's time to catch up ]

Comments

[rollplayinghouse]

...Mm. I'll be here.

[She's seated with a book long before he is, though it's something she picked off a shelf fairly arbitrarily (Adventures in Poetry: An Introduction and a Collection), and she does not actually appear to be turning pages very often in favor of watching him out of the corner of her eye.]

[selfpreservationist]

[he reads a few pages, but quickly finds it hard to keep focus. he closes the book and rests his head on her shoulder]

[rollplayinghouse]

...

[She sets her book down and wraps an arm around him, shifting close]

How are you doing?

[selfpreservationist]

... poorly. I feel as though... I'll become lost inside my own mind if I'm not careful. As though there's a trap waiting to be sprung. I close my eyes and all I see is...

[shudders]

[rollplayinghouse]

Mm.

[she runs fingers through his hair]

Do you want a distraction? We could do something. Or just talk. Something to help you focus on here and now.

[selfpreservationist]

This is helping.

[...]

"The heart is a tumor of weakness." No wonder he came to hate it so...

[rollplayinghouse]

Yeah.

[...]

That's pretty stupid, though. I mean, I know it's meant to be figurative, but... The heart is kind of the opposite of a tumor, isn't it? It's a pretty important part of the body.

[selfpreservationist]

For a human, yes. For a... for a tool... it is unnecessary.

[rollplayinghouse]

...Well, you're not a tool. You're a human.

[selfpreservationist]

You think I don't know that?

[rollplayinghouse]

No, of course not. But sometimes it's good to hear, anyway.

[selfpreservationist]

[doesn't say anything, just lowers his eyes and leans on her]

[rollplayinghouse]

[fluffs his hair a little, quiet for a moment herself before speaking again]

...It's hard for me to imagine having gone through something like that. Well, there are a lot of things that are hard for me to imagine, but... I'm glad you're here with me, whatever happened.

Are you thinking that was... the reason he cut you out of him? That he thought it was weak?

[selfpreservationist]

... yes. "Heavy chain that does freeze my bones around"...

[rollplayinghouse]

Is that something he said...?

[selfpreservationist]

[nods]

It's not... a revelation. I knew it was the reason he discarded me.

[rollplayinghouse]

Mm, I knew it was that he thought it was weak. I meant... if you thought the reason he felt so strongly it needed to be gone was because... of all that.

[selfpreservationist]

I don't know. Perhaps.

...

I... what was left of me... could not even muster hatred towards Mundus. He was our master. But once that spell was broken... I cannot say how Vergil felt towards him.

[rollplayinghouse]

[that sure is an interesting selection of pronoun choices.

she traces the folds of his clothes with her free hand absently, her tone soft, musing]

There's no way that something like that didn't leave an impact. And you both definitely tend a lot towards... mm, personal responsibility? Or you could call it guilt complexes. So I can see him... blaming himself, for being in that situation. Which is like blaming you for it, I guess...? Which... could be a reason for a lot of anger.

[selfpreservationist]

... yes. With... Urizen... it was my duty to clean up his mess. So I've always felt.

[rollplayinghouse]

Yeah. You feel like a lot of things are your duty.

[selfpreservationist]

Do you think I'm wrong?

[rollplayinghouse]

[leans her head against him]

Sometimes. You could be a little more selfish. But it's part of your charm.

[selfpreservationist]

I think I'm very selfish. I'm awfully greedy, you know. I want all of these things that should be out of my reach... and I don't care. I want beyond what's reasonable. I like to indulge myself. Doesn't that make me a selfish person?

[rollplayinghouse]

That makes you a person with ambition and desire. And maybe a little bit selfish, sure... But I'm selfish too, and I think that a lot of what you think is "reasonable" or "out of your reach" is just wrong. You still hold yourself back, and you feel guilty for going as far as you do. You're feeling guilty about it right now.