imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

Mm. It's... interesting. But maybe not so bad.

[ She's still getting used to the idea, but it doesn't feel bad. ]

You feeling sleepy there? Still out of it from yesterday's game?

No, not so bad. So long as people treat you well enough. [ That has not been her experience of being Different, but Lumine isn't from Earth, Land Of Bigoted Assholes ]

I need blood, that's all. I'm working up to it. [ The thought of drinking makes her stomach roil so it would probably be a waste and a mess. ] Doctor gave me a transfusion, but they don't work as well.

Would it help if we put it in some kind of wine glass and pretended it wasn't blood?

[ Wrinkling her nose ] Then it's cold, which is worse. I'll be fine.

[ oh hey here's that subject change you didn't order ] Everyone here from your world loves you. I'm sure they're fine with whatever your situation is.

[ she hasn't forgotten the first line of subject young old lady!! but she'll allow you to divert the conversation for now.

aliza's expression when she says that... ]

... It's true I've been very lucky. I don't think it's particular to me, though; Teyvat just seems to be very welcoming in that regard. That's why Venti wants you to go home with us, right?

[ what this is her normal face ]

[ Also you're SNEAKY right now wtf ]

I think he offered so I wouldn't wish myself out of existence or be stuck here in an endless amnesiac cycle for eternity. I don't have any desire to make a huge mess of your world, though. It seems really lovely.

Mm, it's not really my world to get to say who does or doesn't come, but if you ask me, there's all kinds of people who live in Teyvat--I don't think you'd make a "mess" of it. If Teyvat can handle dragons and gods I'm sure a vampire could fit right in, too.

[ Releasing a slow breath ]

You know what I mean. I'm not any more okay hurting a single person there than I am here, and once I leave here I'd have all my abilities, including turning people. And without my memories I'm very volatile.

[ yes this is her when she's comparatively stable isn't that fucking terrifying??? ]

Yeah. I know you're worried about that. But I think Venti could manage something to make sure there wasn't any harm done to anyone until they could help to get you settled down.

[ He is a god after all.... even if it seems strange for a god to have an allergy to cats, of all things. ]

He mentioned that. And it's why I agreed to go in the first place.

It just seems... not worth the risk. Even a small risk.

Mm. I wonder...

[ She can tell if she answers truthfully it will just lead to another argument. So instead she simply opts for that very neutral statement and then performs her own subject change. ]

So why are you working up to drinking blood, anyway? Have you been feeling sick?

I always have mixed feelings about it. [ Unless she's evil at the moment. ] It feels good in a lot of ways, but I don't like hurting people or making them weak. Taking what isn't mine.

I hurt people enough this week, I'm not up to doing it more. Even if they don't see it that way.

I'll be okay, I won't let it go too far. I just get tired easily.

I see.

[ For a girl who sees herself only as a monster, Aliza is really a very gentle person. ]

Just don't overexert yourself.

[ She overcompensates just slightly. And she does have her moments of not-gentle, but she tries to keep those to controlled situations with people she trusts. ]

I won't. The last thing anyone needs is to be worrying about me even more.

Are you really not bothered by anything you saw, or are you faking it because I'm fragile right now?

I wouldn't say that none of it bothered me. Seeing you after you'd beaten yourself trying to escape the cabin... that bothered me a great deal.

[ well -- shit ]

It's a panic response. Like a bird trapped in a net.

Usually I heal from everything instantly. My instincts don't understand that anything's different. I didn't hurt myself intentionally.

...I'm sorry you had to see it.

I figured as much. There's no need to apologize for it--you were scared and just trying to get out. It's just hard seeing someone you care about clearly suffering and not being able to do as much about it as you'd like.

[ She's just glad Doctor doesn't seem to have been there to see it. He'd have been apoplectic. ]

Yeah. Speaking of which, it's a very good thing you weren't in that game. What a mess.

You mean the one where Reed was in the bottle they were trying to fill with water?

Reed and Doctor, yes. We were teamed up with HSS.

[ Seeing Reed in there was awful. Seeing her fiancé in there mere hours after she got unchained was enough to fray whatever tenuous hold she had on herself. ]

[ That's right... Reed did mention that. ]

That must have been terrible for you. Do you want to talk about any of what happened...?

I'm not sure what to say. I played instead of making a big mess for everyone else. I didn't insist on taking all the punishments myself, particularly ones that could have made problems for everyone else like messing with my age or inhibitions. We sent out punishments to other units, hard as that was. We kept all the water off them.

I did what I promised to do, and I'll keep doing that especially now that I know what could happen if I keep throwing games, but I'm never going to be okay with it.

That must have been really hard for you. I'm sorry you were in that position--but I'm glad you didn't have to see anything horrible happen to Doctor or to Reed. And I'm glad it seems like nothing really bad happened to you--you've had enough trouble for awhile.

We won, so the effects got reversed. But I'd have done anything to get them out of there if it came down to it.

And Aradia was really determined to protect me, or something like that. I'd have done the same for her if she let me.

-- I'll be okay despite all that. We have to be, don't we?

[ Good job Aradia. ]

It's okay to not be okay, you know. And we'll all just have to take turns looking after each other. That's also okay.

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