LECTURE LIVE

[rugpull]

Who: Idols of all sorts
Where: Hotel Lobby
When: Day 476, morning

[some new idol, some idiot hyena furry idk. He's from Pep Pep? And he's hitting the live button and--]

HEY idols m'new here and the first order of business is t'make some cash so here it is. My name is Shandy cuz why the heck not I guess and this is m'lecture live. And my lecture is this--apparently some of you guys wake up in the morning, slam a clown nose on yer face with a resounding honk, and choose death not cuz of I GUESS WE PLAY DEATH GAMES HERE BY FORCE but cuz death games ya just WANNA do? You just WANNA fight to the death and then apparently I GUESS m'unit glues ya back together?

I dunno, man. I just got here and seems like necromancy is on the menu. So don't just go dyin' on people for laughs and pride.

Unless ya got a big ol' tip waiting for the Pep servicin' ya! In which case call on me and this Shandy'll be right there to help out all the well paying clowns without a single comment about how much yer clown makeup is running down yer face.

Be generous or else uh.

[checks phone for live info notes, squinting]

I dunno, I'll "discipline" ya. Bite ya maybe.

Class now open for questions and I'm now open for preemptive payments into the I Might Die For Clown Reasons fund. Generous payment will be remembered!

Comments

[owlseeyouinhell]

What, not all excited to do it out of the goodness of your heart as a service to your fellow man?

[rugpull]

No! It's probably gonna be GROSS.

[owlseeyouinhell]

Like in all the princess cartoons? A kiss of ~life~. Good luck smooching a bunch of princesses, Mr.TrueLove'sKiss.

[rugpull]

I meant seeing the guts or whatever not the PROCESS....!

...

[checking his phone]

It don't say kissin'!

[owlseeyouinhell]

Obviously you kiss 'em. Hasn't your team explained how to use your unit ability? That's definitely how it activates. Mouth-to-mouth, uou know?

...Now you'll never be able to wear white on your wedding day. A damn shame. Your mom always dreamed of that white dress and now...well, some dreams just stay dreams, I guess.

[rugpull]

You know my MAMA?

[owlseeyouinhell]

That's the part that stood out to you?

[rugpull]

Are ya my old man? Huh? Oh, pops!

[CLINGS TO HIS ARM]

Pay child support....!!!

[owlseeyouinhell]

Pops? Okay, Sasha, hold out a hand.

[rugpull]

Popppppps!

[HOLDS OUT HAND]

[owlseeyouinhell]

[Sets a small, cool rock he found earlier on his palm]

Ta-da! Child support for Sasha.

[rugpull]

Father does not love me...

[owlseeyouinhell]

Obviously I love my dear son! This rock is super cool, it's like perfectly smooth and I drew sunglasses on it with a marker.
...
...
...
Actually, it is pretty cool. Can I have it back?

[rugpull]

M'holding Sasha the rock hostage now.

[closes hand around rock]

[owlseeyouinhell]

Haaaa? Sasha isn't the rock, you're Sasha! And now you're just being cruel to your old man. I thought we raised you better than this.

[rugpull]

I learned it from you, Pops! I learned it from you!

[owlseeyouinhell]

Maybe I should have made the rock my new son. At least it listens to me.

[rugpull]

M'gonna cry....!

[owlseeyouinhell]

And since I'm such a BAD DAD? I'm also gonna eat all the snacks by myself.

[rugpull]

No!! I'm so hungry!!!

[owlseeyouinhell]

Maybe you should have thought of that first!

[rugpull]

You'd starve yer child?! STARVE?

[owlseeyouinhell]

No, but you're sure as hell just getting a healthy snack. And I'm telling your mother how you behaved today.

[rugpull]

And she'll be proud of me....!

[owlseeyouinhell]

I want a divorce.