LECTURE LIVE

[rugpull]

Who: Idols of all sorts
Where: Hotel Lobby
When: Day 476, morning

[some new idol, some idiot hyena furry idk. He's from Pep Pep? And he's hitting the live button and--]

HEY idols m'new here and the first order of business is t'make some cash so here it is. My name is Shandy cuz why the heck not I guess and this is m'lecture live. And my lecture is this--apparently some of you guys wake up in the morning, slam a clown nose on yer face with a resounding honk, and choose death not cuz of I GUESS WE PLAY DEATH GAMES HERE BY FORCE but cuz death games ya just WANNA do? You just WANNA fight to the death and then apparently I GUESS m'unit glues ya back together?

I dunno, man. I just got here and seems like necromancy is on the menu. So don't just go dyin' on people for laughs and pride.

Unless ya got a big ol' tip waiting for the Pep servicin' ya! In which case call on me and this Shandy'll be right there to help out all the well paying clowns without a single comment about how much yer clown makeup is running down yer face.

Be generous or else uh.

[checks phone for live info notes, squinting]

I dunno, I'll "discipline" ya. Bite ya maybe.

Class now open for questions and I'm now open for preemptive payments into the I Might Die For Clown Reasons fund. Generous payment will be remembered!

Comments

[owlseeyouinhell]

Pops? Okay, Sasha, hold out a hand.

[rugpull]

Popppppps!

[HOLDS OUT HAND]

[owlseeyouinhell]

[Sets a small, cool rock he found earlier on his palm]

Ta-da! Child support for Sasha.

[rugpull]

Father does not love me...

[owlseeyouinhell]

Obviously I love my dear son! This rock is super cool, it's like perfectly smooth and I drew sunglasses on it with a marker.
...
...
...
Actually, it is pretty cool. Can I have it back?

[rugpull]

M'holding Sasha the rock hostage now.

[closes hand around rock]

[owlseeyouinhell]

Haaaa? Sasha isn't the rock, you're Sasha! And now you're just being cruel to your old man. I thought we raised you better than this.

[rugpull]

I learned it from you, Pops! I learned it from you!

[owlseeyouinhell]

Maybe I should have made the rock my new son. At least it listens to me.

[rugpull]

M'gonna cry....!

[owlseeyouinhell]

And since I'm such a BAD DAD? I'm also gonna eat all the snacks by myself.

[rugpull]

No!! I'm so hungry!!!

[owlseeyouinhell]

Maybe you should have thought of that first!

[rugpull]

You'd starve yer child?! STARVE?

[owlseeyouinhell]

No, but you're sure as hell just getting a healthy snack. And I'm telling your mother how you behaved today.

[rugpull]

And she'll be proud of me....!

[owlseeyouinhell]

I want a divorce.

[rugpull]

She'll take ya for everything ya have if ya do.

[owlseeyouinhell]

She really will, that's the worst part.

[rugpull]

But ya love her!

[owlseeyouinhell]

Who could have thought my bad taste in women would come back to bite me in the ass?

[rugpull]

Don't talk about mom like that WOW.

[owlseeyouinhell]

Mama's boy.

[rugpull]

She carried me for so long!

[owlseeyouinhell]

[....steps into the conbini. And locks the door behind him.]