imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

...I suppose there's no point in pretending I'm fine, is there.

Not especially, but I can pretend along with you if it would help. [ She doesn't care to know if he doesn't want to discuss it. ]

Or I could listen and bring you tea [ she's fast, she'll sprint for it ]. You did as much for me.

[ But she sucks at guessing, so direction is better. ]

Just listening would be enough, I think.

[Inhale, exhale. At least he knows Alizarin won't be too harsh on him.]

I had a memory, I was treating a burn on Russell - a boy I've seen in other memories - on Russell's hand. I asked him how he was injured and he told me that he burned down a church. Intentionally. And I... said nothing.

When he asked if I was going to call the police, I said no and invited him to come visit me again.

[ Harshness is not on the menu, no. It's not that she doesn't have that in her, she definitely does, but he'd need to have done something worse than what she's done to merit it, and is there anything that would fit that description? Not much. ]

Ah. [ She's quiet for just a moment, restraining her natural inclination to just start defending him. ] It sounds like maybe you believe he had a good enough reason, or you trust him enough to overlook that he might not have.

[ Gently, she rests a hand on his shoulder. It sucks when these things get thrown at you, making you question everything about yourself. ]

[Is that it? Does he trust this child to have a good reason worth burning down a church? One that he strongly suspects wasn't empty at the time?]

...No. I don't think that's it. I have no proof, of course, but... From the way I spoke to that boy, I don't think I knew him very well at the time.

[ Well that is... certainly something. She can't pretend not to be surprised, and she's not sure what it would serve by pretending anyway. ]

I see. [ The words might seem hesitant or even judgmental, but her tone is neither. It's just that there isn't anything more to really say, if that's what he believes happened. ]

[ So she puts her violin and weapons down and hugs him. It's what he did for her, and what she would want in his place. It makes a bit of sense now, why he reacted to her memory has he had. ]

[Doctor hugs her back tightly, burying his face in his shoulder. He's trembling, very slightly.]

...I'm sorry.

[For what, he can't say. But guilt hangs over him like a shroud.]

[ Seeing him like this is shaking her up more and more, but wanting to support him makes ignoring it manageable enough. He's seen a warped and frightening version of himself and this is nothing she can fix. ]

I know. [ He's not apologizing to her, she's perfectly aware. She knows what this moment is like. She strokes his hair, trying her best to be whatever small comfort she can. ]

I can't make this any better, but you're not alone with it. [ In a twisted way she's relieved that he's seen the nightmare of her memory, because at least he'll know what she says aren't just empty platitudes. ]

Thank you. - I should have gone to you in the first place, I know, but...

[He knows, on some level, that he wasn't going to be able to pretend everything was fine. But taking the first step to confess was too difficult for him.]

[ She shakes her head and kisses his temple. ]

You shouldn't worry about that. When you're shocked like that it's hard to think. [ She had some of the strangest conversations right after her memory retrieval because her head was whirling; her memory was public so she had no processing time between experiencing it and needing to try and form coherent thoughts. ] You'd have found me eventually.

In case you need to hear it, because I certainly did: this doesn't change anything for me.

That helps a great deal. [He even manages a tiny smile, weak though it is.] Thank you, Aliza.

[ She'll take a weak smile, certainly. ]

Of course. [ A light squeeze as she fights down a wash of relief. Him being shaken, she can handle. Broken would be a struggle (but she'd do what she could). ]

Can I do anything for you? Whether that's leave you to think or be a distraction or anything in between.

You can help me think of what to say to my unitmates, perhaps? I may have worried them a tad...

I can manage that. But I think whatever you say will be fine, you happen to be in a unit with some of the most understanding people I've met here. [ Zhongli and Alisaie in particular have forgiven her of some less than stellar behavior when her past reared up and bit her. ]

If you explain that you took a memory, they'll probably understand that. If you'd like to tell them more, I expect they'll listen.

Indeed, they're likely too good for me.

[A team full of heroes... and him, the odd man out.]

And here I was thinking that they're just as good as you deserve. [ Being biased doesn't make her wrong. ]

Again I'll say the same thing you said to me: you're shocked and horrified by that memory, and that says just as much about you as what was in it.

...I want to help people. But not like that.

[Not by covering for a killer. Even if they are young.]

-Oh, that's right. I didn't think much of this because the rest of the memory took precedence, but I seemed to be human in that memory...? At least, no horns or wings.

[So that's weird! It's weird and he doesn't know what that means.]

Hm. [ That is a little odd sounding, but she could have easily been mistaken in her second memory for a human if she hadn't known better. ]

Another little shock on top of a shock. However they choose what we get, it sure seems designed to hit us hard.

[ It's awful, in short. Awful and unfair. So she rubs his back a bit and tries to focus more on being with him and less on hating this place. ]

Do you know, I haven't even been here a full month, I believe?

[They really are not easing him in! Rude!]

I've not been here too much longer. I wonder if it gets easier as we go on, or harder. Probably some of each. [ That's how life goes, hm? Even in hell. ]

Now I'm wondering what I was wasting time with that I didn't meet you sooner. [ Slight affectionate mood lightener? ]

Flattering me even at a time like this. You're sweet.

[He's so lucky to have met her.]

You've earned every bit of it. And you can be assured that it's the truth because I'm the city's worst liar. Maybe the multiverse's worst. Truly, it's impressively bad.

Would you like some company for a while? I was going to practice a bit, or I could flatter you some more. There are options aplenty.

Now sounds like a lovely time for some tea, if you aren't too busy. Of course, I won't say no to more flattery.

I believe I can multitask: tea, flattery, possibly a serenade, and whatever cuddling you're up for. [ Deal? ]

That would be wonderful.

[He unhugs, just to take her hand and squeeze it gently.]