imeeji_frontstage | Mingle time!

Oh. Right. [ She thought there was another reason, but that makes sense. She climbs on up, luckily she weighs very little. ]

There's a cake at my dorm. Lupine made a cake with cookies on it. I was supposed to tell you I got it but I was mad at you.

[Time to carry her back! He listens to her talk, expression not changing in the slightest.]

Oh? In that case, once we're back you can treat yourself to some cake. You went and completed your training, after all, so you earned a treat.

I'm not very hungry. [ Ways you know she's not doing great: that. ]

But you can try it. Carrying me has to be tiring. And it was your idea anyway. Even if I'm mad at you. Or I was. It's hard to remember.

Ehhh, but if you were mad, doesn't that just mean you probably won't want me there once you perk up again?

[He doesn't sound too concerned about it.]

If you aren't hungry now, there's always later. Besides, it's not like I get hungry or tired anyway.

I don't get tired either. Usually. And I don't need to eat human food, but I like to. [ She'd be hungry if she didn't, but it's not like eating human food makes her less hungry. ]

I don't stay mad for very long. You just hit a sore spot. And you're doing me a favor. So.

Hmm~

I'll only eat it if we share it, then. And if you decide you don't want to share it after all, you don't have to.

Oh. I can do that. [ It's not like eating will hurt her, she's just not in the mood. ]

Did you hit my sore spot on purpose? [ Just idly curious, she isn't capable of being mad or suspicious or hurt. ]

Hm? No. I don't really make a habit of tormenting people randomly.

That's good. It sounds like a bad habit.

[ tiniest pause ]

Do you like patterns and things? You talk about that a lot... well. Maybe not a lot, I don't know how much it comes up. Just something I wondered about.

Well, I've studied a lot of human biology, so I guess you could say I'm used to looking for them. Patterns in behaviors and so on.

But also, biologically speaking, humans are made to recognize those patterns. It's what helps us to understand and navigate the world.

Oh. I don't understand humans at all most of the time. [ Individually sure, but not as a whole. ]

Actual behaviors can vary on an individual and cultural level, but there's some basic stuff hard coded into the genes, usually for purposes of survival.

So if something doesn't want to live, does that mean there's something really basic wrong with them? Or is that just for humans?

I'm not sure if I'm a person at all so I don't know if it still applies.

That's usually considered a failure on a biological level, since biologically most things are wired to survive and breed, but...

That's assuming everyone operated entirely on the instincts granted to them by their genes, isn't it? Humans aren't so simple - and I doubt vampires like you are, either.

I don't think I'm like other vampires. I must be a weapon or something like that. Does that make it different? If you're 'wired' to destroy things instead of live and create life?

There are cases of creatures being naturally hunted to extinction. If the genetics can't mutate fast enough to fend off predators, the species goes extinct - that's how it goes.

But if you feel like you're specifically a weapon, does that mean you feel like you were developed by an outside source explicitly for killing? I don't think most species overhunt by evolution - if they run out of food sources, they die too, you know? And then the genes that prioritize over hunting die with them.

On the other hand, if you were explicitly bred or developed for those purposes...

Maybe. I don't know all of it. [ Her voice holds a hint of tension, unfocused at the moment, because she can't decide what she's supposed to feel about this. It'd be a big feeling, for sure, but she can't manage it. ] Maybe I was made or maybe they found me and messed with my head. But it seems like that's what I'm for, killing things.

I could show you the first memory I bought if you want. It's just me slaughtering a bunch of innocent people but a friend thought there might be more to it, like someone put me there. It's hard for me to think about details when I'm killing little children.

...

No, there's no need for that. Not when you're in this state.

But let me ask you this: if you were created to kill, do you think you should die?

If all I'm for is killing, I think I might want to die. And unless that memory is somehow fake then I definitely deserve to.

[ a beat ]

Is that the same thing you were asking?

Not really. All I was asking was... giving things a chance, I suppose.

Ah, if it turns out you don't like what I say, you can just forget about it if you want. I'm a selfish person, so in my case, I think...

Even if someone was created to kill... it would be nice if they got a shot anyway. If they could learn to resist instinct and live fully in spite of it all. It's kind of lame to just give in to your "fate" or whatever, right? Like, who gets to tell you what to do! Or something like that.

But I'm the type of person who puts a burden on others with my selfishness anyway. So it's easy for me to say those kinds of things.

I don't really understand why that's selfish of you.

And... isn't it dangerous? If I can't control myself? -- oh, I guess I didn't mention that. In the memory I wasn't in control of myself, and I don't know why. Sorry.

So that's selfish of me then, right? To want to live when I know that will happen again?

It's selfish of me because even if it poses a risk to other people, I don't want someone born for such a purpose to be killed for the crime of existing, either.

But I think living requires a certain amount of selfishness anyway. And... there are people here who are so selfless, they'd rather choose death than possibly burden or inconvenience others.

I just can't agree with that.

You're talking in generalities again, about other people here. But I'm talking about me. Specifically. [ No emotion in her tone of course, and isn't that a good thing because she would have lost it again. ] Why do you always do that?

Because it's true for you, and anyone else who was born under those circumstances.

Although as far as the loss of control goes, that's something you'll have to figure out for yourself. But even that might be too early to call - you don't understand it yourself yet, it sounds like.

It could be mitigated. Or maybe it really can't be. But either way, until you know for sure, why act like there's only one truth?

In this place at least, your powers seem to have been suppressed for the time being, so you might as well take things day by day and enjoy the good parts of being alive.

Do you know anyone else born under these circumstances? Assuming I was born at all.

You don't have to tell me who, I'm just wondering if there's a reason you said it that way. Because you saying things that way is what makes me mad. When I can get mad, at least.

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