imeeji_frontstage | Mingle time!

Lost?

[ Slowly, she looks to and fro, clearly dazed. ]

No, I don't think so.

Do you remember what you were doing?

[ She thinks. It takes a very long moment. ]

Coming back from training. Then I got tired.

And now you're resting here, huh?

But it's pretty cold right now. Is it okay if I pick you up and bring you back to ☆ZRAEL?

[ Her brow furrows ] It's okay... but I don't see why you'd want to.

You're going grey. It's not a great state to be in.

[He crouches down in front of her, hands behind his back ready to support her.]

Climb on.

Oh. Right. [ She thought there was another reason, but that makes sense. She climbs on up, luckily she weighs very little. ]

There's a cake at my dorm. Lupine made a cake with cookies on it. I was supposed to tell you I got it but I was mad at you.

[Time to carry her back! He listens to her talk, expression not changing in the slightest.]

Oh? In that case, once we're back you can treat yourself to some cake. You went and completed your training, after all, so you earned a treat.

I'm not very hungry. [ Ways you know she's not doing great: that. ]

But you can try it. Carrying me has to be tiring. And it was your idea anyway. Even if I'm mad at you. Or I was. It's hard to remember.

Ehhh, but if you were mad, doesn't that just mean you probably won't want me there once you perk up again?

[He doesn't sound too concerned about it.]

If you aren't hungry now, there's always later. Besides, it's not like I get hungry or tired anyway.

I don't get tired either. Usually. And I don't need to eat human food, but I like to. [ She'd be hungry if she didn't, but it's not like eating human food makes her less hungry. ]

I don't stay mad for very long. You just hit a sore spot. And you're doing me a favor. So.

Hmm~

I'll only eat it if we share it, then. And if you decide you don't want to share it after all, you don't have to.

Oh. I can do that. [ It's not like eating will hurt her, she's just not in the mood. ]

Did you hit my sore spot on purpose? [ Just idly curious, she isn't capable of being mad or suspicious or hurt. ]

Hm? No. I don't really make a habit of tormenting people randomly.

That's good. It sounds like a bad habit.

[ tiniest pause ]

Do you like patterns and things? You talk about that a lot... well. Maybe not a lot, I don't know how much it comes up. Just something I wondered about.

Well, I've studied a lot of human biology, so I guess you could say I'm used to looking for them. Patterns in behaviors and so on.

But also, biologically speaking, humans are made to recognize those patterns. It's what helps us to understand and navigate the world.

Oh. I don't understand humans at all most of the time. [ Individually sure, but not as a whole. ]

Actual behaviors can vary on an individual and cultural level, but there's some basic stuff hard coded into the genes, usually for purposes of survival.

So if something doesn't want to live, does that mean there's something really basic wrong with them? Or is that just for humans?

I'm not sure if I'm a person at all so I don't know if it still applies.

That's usually considered a failure on a biological level, since biologically most things are wired to survive and breed, but...

That's assuming everyone operated entirely on the instincts granted to them by their genes, isn't it? Humans aren't so simple - and I doubt vampires like you are, either.

I don't think I'm like other vampires. I must be a weapon or something like that. Does that make it different? If you're 'wired' to destroy things instead of live and create life?

There are cases of creatures being naturally hunted to extinction. If the genetics can't mutate fast enough to fend off predators, the species goes extinct - that's how it goes.

But if you feel like you're specifically a weapon, does that mean you feel like you were developed by an outside source explicitly for killing? I don't think most species overhunt by evolution - if they run out of food sources, they die too, you know? And then the genes that prioritize over hunting die with them.

On the other hand, if you were explicitly bred or developed for those purposes...

Maybe. I don't know all of it. [ Her voice holds a hint of tension, unfocused at the moment, because she can't decide what she's supposed to feel about this. It'd be a big feeling, for sure, but she can't manage it. ] Maybe I was made or maybe they found me and messed with my head. But it seems like that's what I'm for, killing things.

I could show you the first memory I bought if you want. It's just me slaughtering a bunch of innocent people but a friend thought there might be more to it, like someone put me there. It's hard for me to think about details when I'm killing little children.

...

No, there's no need for that. Not when you're in this state.

But let me ask you this: if you were created to kill, do you think you should die?

If all I'm for is killing, I think I might want to die. And unless that memory is somehow fake then I definitely deserve to.

[ a beat ]

Is that the same thing you were asking?

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