imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

[ ... ... ... ]

But are you still acting as the head of the family here?

Whether I am at home or here, my position as Head of the Family, doesn't change.

. . . I just. Have not done a very good job of upholding it here.

...How so?

. . . I cannot dare say. I feel too ashamed, and I do not want you to think poorly of me as a good example and a senpai.

[ He sighs. ]

I have violated beliefs I felt were important to uphold and feel embarrassed for having done so. And simply feel more lonely as a result. My ancestors must be rolling around in their graves in complete dismay.

[ . . . . Perhaps even his father. But he doesn't want to think about THAT at all. ]

You know, technically I'm the 'senpai' here?

[ He's been here way longer than you! ]

...But are you doing okay? [ You know, since you just admitted to feeling ashamed like that. ]

I am still your senpai in life.

[ With his VAST life experience that he has had. Though he sighs after a moment. ]

And I do not know. I will ultimately be fine, I am sure. I am just. Worried... about my family. And frustrated by our circumstances here.

Tsukasa, you didn't even know what a bar was when you were around my age.

...I saw that memory.

I... I did know what a bar was! I just... had never seen one before.

[ . . . The memory is mentioned though, and he falls somewhat silent, before glancing away, his stomach churning as his heart weighs heavy in his chest.

There's a pause before he draws a breath, and questions him in a tone that suggests he's afraid of his answer.]

. . . . . . . What do you think?

...Well, why do you sound like you're afraid?

It... is a terminal illness.

...

[ He reaches over to take Tsukasa's hand, wordlessly. ]

[ His hand squeezes his tight, shaking in his grasp before burying his face with his opposite hand. His voice trembles through what is obvious tears. ]

I do not want it- I... I do not want it early if it came to me due to... t-to him...

[ He can't dare say it. Instead, he just shakes his head. ]

I don't want it like this.

I know. ...I'm really sorry.

[ ...Note to self, get the handkerchief out soon. ]

Uu...uuu...

[ He really can't hide it. But his heart is aching so profoundly that he cannot disguise how much pain he is in at the moment. ]

I... I know how to find out. [ He sniffles, wiping at his eyes with his free hand. ] But I am afraid.

[ At this point, Lark reaches into his sleeve to pull out a handkerchief and dab at Tsukasa's tears. ]

You don't have to do it right now, you know. Or even all that soon, if you don't feel ready.

[ Faintly, he shakes his head while allowing him to dab at his eyes. ]

The anxiety of wondering is just as bad, plaguing me in a constant state of dread. Sena-senpai, Leo-san, and Tenshouin-oniisama are all of them already gone. J-Just, please, I do not want my family taken from me as well. They are all I have.

[ ...

Wow, this feels kind of raw. Raw enough that he doesn't really know what to say -- after all, he's still reeling from remembering that his mother is gone, even if he's doing a little better these days. (At least, he's not just lying in bed all day.)

Skylark reaches over to pull Tsukasa into a hug, wordlessly. ]

[ He draws a trembling breath, before allowing himself to relax in the embrace, shaking against him with obvious tears. His hands cling to his shirt as though his entire presence right now is a lifeline. ]

[ He'll let Tsukasa cling to him, holding onto him and rubbing circles into his back in some gesture of comfort. ]

[ With permission, his tears flow warm against him, raw and painful. It hurts. He has a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, dreading the worst but unwilling to give up the sliver of hope that he pulled through, too. But either way, eventually it will be a death sentence.

But how desperately he wants to put that off... ]

I'm sorry. I am supposed to be stronger than this. But I am still just a child in the end, it seems.

I don't think I get to chide you for this, considering I cried all over you a few days ago.

That was--

[ Different. He wants to say. But he still felt the loss of his mother and a hopeless ideal that he had longed to cling to. He shakes his head. ]

You were put into an unfair situation.

This isn't exactly fair either, you know.

I know.

[ Wiping at his eyes, now that he has cried some. ]

Look at me... we haven't even made it all the way to my bedroom. Let us at least make it there, so that if any of my senpai arrive, I am not making an embarrassing scene.

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