imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

This isn't exactly fair either, you know.

I know.

[ Wiping at his eyes, now that he has cried some. ]

Look at me... we haven't even made it all the way to my bedroom. Let us at least make it there, so that if any of my senpai arrive, I am not making an embarrassing scene.

Alright. Let's go, then.

[ Into the room they go. It still seems to be the generic starting room that any avante might receive (admittedly, they are huge already and quite ornate.). Though he may notice a new room seems to be attached to it as they walk in, or notice, as crossing the carpet in the middle of the floor, that there may have been the slighest difference in the flooring there.

Regardless, he makes his way over to his bed, where a series of Kei omanjuu pillows seem to be piled on top. He grabs the largest one to hold and lean onto while settling in.

The bed, at least, is large enough for three, so there is plenty of room for Lark to sit. Though the bed is shared, already, with at least two cats. ]

It is a little more comfortable in here.

[ He certainly noticed the slight oddity in the flooring, but it's not like he can pry about that here and now. He will also refrain from commenting on the pillows, opting to sit on Kasa's bed and reach over to try and pet one of the cats. ]

[ It seems to be the black cat nearest him. He rolls over, yawning widely and stretching, before nuzzling into the hand. ]

Rittsu adores attention. Be careful, if you allow him in your lap he will refuse to get up.

Isn't that true of a lot of cats, though?

Perhaps? The others do like to cuddle to some extent. He is just a little more persistently aggressive about it.

I don't intend to let myself get trapped by cats, at any rate.

You say that now.

[ Resting his head on his pillow. ]

Regardless... these past couple of weeks have been a lot. Lately, it feels as though this place has been none stop.

Isn't that the usual here?

I suppose. Perhaps I have just been feeling out of sorts since the handshake event.

Since you turned grey?

It was much worse than just turning grey. I very truly almost ceased to exist. And the only way back...

[ He sighs, simply glancing away. ]

It simply required an unreasonable amount of sacrifice. I hate feeling as though I had to betray the guidelines I set out for myself. And then perhaps feel foolish because no one else seems to share the same beliefs as me, to begin with. If anything, people lecture me for having an archaic belief system or accuse me of being too prude. And so ultimately, it feels as though I am simply being made fun of.

—Have people been getting on your case again?

[ Except worse, apparently? He still remembers what Kasa said during the kissing game about people saying he should get some 'practice'. ]

I do not think anyone is wrong for their personal opinions. While I may disagree, even I have acted inelegantly in the past by projecting my own morals upon others and situations. And just as many times I have learned my lesson. As incompetent and inexerpeienced as I am, I am still learning and growing.

It is just... I am vexed.

[ Miserably- ]

Am I wrong...? Lately, I feel so wretched. No one has harmed me. But I feel like the naked king, who thought he was beloved and safe, but was merely being laughed at by those around him all along.

That isn't quite fair either, though. Regardless of those who mock me, and it is certainly not every one, my actions are ultimately my own. Naturally, as embarrassing as it is, I am not magically immune to the woes of teenage youth and all it entails. I am the same as anyone else my age. But I have always prided myself about standing firm in my beliefs.

Yet after everything, I simply feel terribly lonely and all mixed up.

...

[ He shuffles over in the bed to sit closer to Tsukasa. ]

Something happened when the fans were here, didn't it.

[ He's silent a moment, before tipping to the side to lean against him and closing his eyes. ]

. . .

[ There's a beat before he quietly manages a simple reply. ]

Yeah.

Do you want to talk about it...?

[ He won't pry if Tsukasa isn't willing to say more. ]

[ The second pause is longer. He feels so embarrassed. None of which has anything to do with his partner that day, but the fact that the events had been necessary at all. His claw-tipped fingers tighten around the fabric of the pillow. ]

I... ended up in a difficult situation. It had been bad to start, but while I had turned grey, I don't believe it had become hopeless. Friends were trying to help me fulfill requests despite how I grumbled.

During a particular live, I ended up ingesting a potion. It was only a prank of course. I ended up in a female body. And at first, while I was a little embarrassed, I thought it was a splendid turn of events. Because I thought perhaps it would help keep me disguised and prevent additional requests.

But that's not how it actually turned out?

[ Since, well. Lark managed to figure out who Tsukasa was.

...He's not liking the direction this is apparently going. ]

[ . . . ]

When it was discovered who I was, increasingly difficult tasks began to roll in. And then, through a terrible series of events, a great many of my fans wound up being devoured.

[ There's no reason to get into the gory details of that. ]

My existence almost disappeared like a candle's flame. I could feel... as every thread holding me together began to rapidly unravel. It was terrifying. I didn't know what to do.

[ . . . Uncomfortably, he pauses, before clearing his throat. ]

I... the only option I had was to begin trying to fulfill as many of the requests as I could, atop all of the new ones flooding in. [ What else could he have done? ]

A friend found me in that state, and he offered to help. It is probably only due to that reason that I managed to retain myself and grow a little more solid once more.

But... [ He sounds embarrassed and miserable, unable to look at him. ] the fan requests were... ... ... they were not very appropriate.

[ He did hear the rumors about fans getting eaten, but —

He opens his mouth. Closes it, because honestly what the fuck can he say to that besides "who the hell ate them" and he isn't sure if he wants to know the answer. It'd only serve to piss him off more, probably.

... As he listens to Tsukasa talk, Lark can't help but try to reach for his hand to — hold onto it, he supposes. Considering everything that's been insinuated up until this point, the sinking feeling in Lark's stomach only grows deeper. ]

That's ...

[ "To be expected of the fans", given some of the stuff that shows up in the boxes of mail. "Unethical", gods forbid it's a word he didn't think he'd ever use in any seriousness, but right now he can't think of anything else to describe how...how gross it all sounds when taken in context. ]

[ His fingers curl around Lark's as he continues to lean against him. He doesn't really know what more to say in return. The entire situation sounds as though it could be laughable, but to him, it was a serious affair.

. . . ]

Mm.

[ For once, he really doesn't have many words. What can he say when it's already a humiliating topic? This kind of thing just doesn't happen. Except- ]

I- I wasn't hurt or anything. [ At least he wants to assure him of that. ] What I mean... is that I was treated thoughtfully by my friend, at least [ Not by the fans of course. They were the source of the issue, to begin with. He feels that probably, Rye did what he could to help him in a less than ideal situation. ]

I just... imagined things differently.

I mean...if you're still feeling this bad, was it really all that thoughtful?

[ That's the first thing that comes to mind, anyway. He understands that it wasn't the best situation to begin with, so perhaps it was never going to have a satisfactory conclusion, but even so... ]

... I know you would have liked that sort of thing to be more meaningful.

Re: 2/2

heavyliesthecrown - 2022-01-29 09:30 (UTC) - Expand