imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

-- oh. Okay. I'll do my best. [ This is probably better, trying to get even more personal after the intensely personal thing that was sounds like a recipe for very one-sided interactions. ]

...Can I just ask if Nemesis is going to be okay, eventually? She told me to pretty much leave her alone, so. I'm doing that.

She... gets like that, after rough games.

She usually wants room to work through it some. She'll be in a better spot today, probly, if you wanna hit her up.

[ At first she glances up, a bit hopeful maybe? But just as quickly it vanishes. ]

I'm trying to respect her wishes. She knows how to find me.

[ So, you know, aggressively moving on. ] And you? Better today, or...?

I mean... better than I was?

Better is... well. Better. I'm glad.

What is it you're up to out here?

Was running through a couple routines.

And you were practicing, yeah? You come out here a lot?

Routines, huh. Training's what I usually do out here too. I'm not planning to make a habit of playing this thing. The other night was just helping a friend, and I figure since I have it...

[ Excuses excuses. Whatever, trauma works in mysterious ways. ]

Well... don't push youself if you ain't feeling it, okay?

No reason to force yourself.

That's nice of you, but -- it helps. Pushing. Focusing on one thing. If I'm not doing that, I'm all restless and twitchy.

Maybe it's just me, but relaxing doesn't really do anything but make me think too much about things I'd rather not think about.

Yeah... yeah. I get that.

I try and stay busy, too, usually.

Really? -- I mean, I believe you, it's just that you always seem like you're in such a good mood.

But I guess pretty much everyone is better at hiding things like that than I am.

Edited 2022-01-08 23:29 (UTC)

I mean... stuff sucks sometimes, but I don't want that to stop me from having what fun I can have, in between the stuff that sucks. Y'know?

I can't argue with good advice like that. But part of me still would.

Oh yeah? How do you mean?

Just what I said. I can't control my feelings, or hide them very well. Even when I'm happy, part of me is always arguing that I shouldn't be. I sort of thought that was universal.

I mean...maybe not universal.

But more common than you'd think, around here.

I guess it would be. Most people do a good job hiding it, or at least better. I'll work on it.

How come?

You don't gotta hide what you're feeling.

[ She laughs, but it's humorless. ]

I absolutely do. Trust me.

How come?

...ain't gonna lie, everyone always gets on me to quit. They say it's better not to, like... bury stuff down.

There's more to being what I am than occasionally drinking blood. If I lose control of myself, I could hurt a lot of people. I have hurt a lot of people, defenseless people. Children. I might let loose about what I'm feeling, but I can never give in all the way or I'm risking everyone around me.

So I'm the last person who should give advice about this. But for what it's worth, I don't think there's anything wrong with however anyone needs to deal with things. I'd be a hypocrite whatever I tried to tell you. If what you're doing works for you, then everyone else needs to accept that.

Ah... yeah.

I guess so, yeah.

Sorry, I didn't mean to like - go digging or nothing.

You weren't. And even if you were, people here have a right to know, you more than most. [ For reasons they discussed in Zhongli's dream world or whatever it's called. ] I don't mind people knowing. I do mind people trying to tell me it can't possibly be that bad, which you haven't done. So it's fine, really.

We're all just doing our best with all this, right?

Yeah... yeah. Just making it through the next day.

Something like that. [ Or, you know, not making it. But they shouldn't go there, definitely not. ]

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