Ideal World Endgame

[idolpro]

Who: Beautiful dreamers
Where: The Game Tower
When: Day 271, morning

[When you wake, the folding chairs and divans from before have all been cleared away. You're lying asleep on the floor, healed of all injury.]

[You remember the events of the worlds you've visited as though visions seen in a dream -- though for those of you torn from your perfect existence, there is an ache inside you which will not fade for some days... the pain of something precious that has been lost.]

[Out beyond the windows of the tower, the sky is no longer a perfect blue; the vegetation is no longer as lush and inviting.]

[The view is of Tokyo-F, exactly as it's always been.]

[Near the far wall, there is an open book on a pedestal. The pages are empty. It is titled GUEST BOOK, and a pen waits nearby.]

GUEST BOOK | SOUVENIRS | WINNERS

Comments

[cw_suicide]

I find objection to that line.

It assumes people can inherently understand each other, but no one can read another person's mind, usually. In that, we are very much our own islands.

[maidenheaven]

[ tiredly, but certainly calmer, out of tears now; his voice is croaky but steady otherwise as he watches susanoo; ]

Ah, but there is no "understanding" to be spoken of.

Certainly, I may never understand you, nor may you never understand me—even so, were you to disappear from my life suddenly and abruptly, that space of yours would become empty.

One may never know the island beyond its silhouette—perhaps one may never even visit that island—but if it were to disappear one day then it would certainly be to the loss of everyone else. Even if we are disconnected by the vastness that is the ocean, underneath it we are all part of the same plate—and beyond that we are all part of the same ocean—and beyond that, we are all part of the same world, underneath the same sky.

Understand you I may not, and understand me you may not, but even so, would you not be lonelier without me?

[cw_suicide]

[wow. what a question. and thinking is bad, and hard and actually he thinks he might have been making a mistake saying anything at all? probably.]

... aren't I just a replacement for someone who filled this space before?

[maidenheaven]

Of course not.

[ with a smile, ]

Suu-san is Suu-san, regardless of Haruto-san or Coriander-san. I may have my relationships with them, but Suu-san is my precious unitmate, a separate person that I have my own, unique relationship with as well.

[cw_suicide]

Someone left this unit and I filled in their space.

[maidenheaven]

Should someone in the family die at the same time that a family member is born, would you say that child is the replacement for the deceased relative?

[cw_suicide]

... depends on the family.

[first concession...]

[maidenheaven]

. . .

Then, have we made you feel as though you were a replacement for our—metaphorically speaking, deceased relative?

[cw_suicide]

[... no. 8(

but can't just say that, that's forfeiting!]

... I couldn't have helped at all in there, could I?

[maidenheaven]

. . .

Before that, do you need to have helped?

You know, Izanagi-san and Levi-nii lost to me too. Noah-san decided to have a picnic with me. Pere-nii didn't show up at all, and neither did Sekhmet-oneechan or Thancred-san.

In terms of helping or not helping, no one on the unit managed to successfully affect me very much whatsoever. But that isn't really any of your faults, is it? The level of difficulty was just too high.

[cw_suicide]

More accurately... you stacked the decks against us from the start.

... I nearly threw an old man over a cliff, but I threw his painting instead. I wonder if I should have made my point by going down with him instead?

I used an Archer card, but the Berserker was right there... should I have used it instead?

[you think you are bad at losing but unfortunately, bb sensitiv is also... very bad at it.]

It feels like I took the kinder path but that was the path worst for you, so was it really that kind to begin with? Is that "good" to you? Those "bad" things... if they had worked, then wouldn't that have been "good"? So, instead, not doing them was actually the "bad"?

[this is why good vs bad arguments are bad and why they're fake.]

1/3

[maidenheaven]

Yes—[ with a smile ]—more accurately, you were fighting directly against me.

[maidenheaven]

[ . . .

why were you bullying a painter ]

[maidenheaven]

"Kind" is not necessarily "good", don't you think? Perhaps, sometimes, one needs to throw away kindness in order to do something "good".

Or rather—perhaps it is a mistake to think of one's actions as "good" or "bad", so much as the outcomes. "This was a good outcome", or "this was a bad outcome"—rather than "this was a good thing to do", or "this was a bad thing to do".

The game, in essence, was thus: "How will you break my heart?"

For that is the nature of the game—that dream of mine was akin to my very heart.

In that case, that you were troubled over it . . . that you didn't know what to do . . . that you didn't know, whether it was good to do or not—

It's fine, isn't it, to not have a simple answer to that question? Because in the end, isn't the question in and of itself complicated?

"How will you break my heart"—must imply that you must, somehow, break my heart. To say something is morally "good" or "bad" must first assume a morality to breaking my heart. "You will not wake up"—certainly that's a reason, but whether or not that reason can be defined as "good" or "bad" . . . well, that's difficult, isn't it?

You can't decide simply that this is "good", or that this is "bad". There are many here who will have woken with their hearts only somewhat broken, and there are many here who will wake with their hearts shattered. Some will be thankful to have woken up, and some will wish to return to sleep.

It's very difficult to think, right? What is the "correct" answer to this?

. . . Isn't it alright to say, "there isn't a correct answer, but even so, I moved with my heart"?

When you used Archer instead of Berserker, didn't you move with your heart? When you threw the painting instead of the painter, didn't you move with your heart? Somewhere in your mind, you thought that it would somehow be "better"—but no one's thoughts are morally driven, not really. People think in "what's easiest for me" and "what's my duty" and "what will grant me the best opportunity" and "what will make me happy" and "what will make this person happy"—but none of that is, "what is objectively good" or "what is objectively bad". People hardly think like that at all—even I don't think that way.

In the end, were you ready to take a person's life? . . . Would you be able to carry that with you?

In the end, were you able to break my heart? . . . Would you be able to carry that with you?

But then, in the end, would you have been able to stand not doing anything? Would you be able to carry that with you—if I never woke again?

. . . Isn't that the process of thought you had—aren't those the real questions behind the Producers' simple question of "how will you break my heart"?

Breaking them down like that, can you answer them? Good, or bad? Kind, or unkind? Yes, or no?

. . . Isn't that quite a lot to consider? Wasn't that the path you had to walk, just then?

[cw_suicide]

[it's that face again. not quite as distressed because he's trying so hard not to, but like a lost child who wants to yell and cry but bites at his lip instead.

because it was a lot, is a lot. and he knows it's a lot for Lucifel, too, even if he can't really understand something like "having your heart broken"--not like that, anyway.]

... in another dream... I did try to kill a man by throwing him from a height.

He ended up floating to the ground safely.

[and this is would be a laugh if wasn't. so wretched.]

All that's probably why... I just went into that rock. And stopped.

[maidenheaven]

[ shifting, sitting himself up such that he's on his knees, his hands extending out to susanoo, palms up, like he's bidding him to come closer—though he isn't touching him by any means ]

. . . "That rock" is known as the Holy Grail. It will grant your wildest dreams beyond compare—it sinks into you, into your bones, and refuses to let go. Such a thing is what you went into—it is the honeytrap with the sweetest of honey.

You weren't the only one who went in and stopped. You weren't the first, nor will you be the last.

[cw_suicide]

[it doesn't really make him feel less like garbage for not managing to get himself out, or for wanting to just go back there now because everything outside of it is literal Hell. it'd meant maintaining that dream of Lucifel's and all because he couldn't kill a man or release a beast of chaos--wasn't he supposed to be some genius mafia or detective or something? he should have done better--by doing worse?

either way, he's not really moving too much, but there's a clear lean, as if permitting for Lucifel to close the distance. there's still no tears and he's biting his lip pretty raw to keep any pathetic sounds from coming out but there does seem to, finally, be a point of mutual understanding here.]

[maidenheaven]

[ very carefully wrapping his arms around him, loosely, mostly to press susanoo's head to lucifel's shoulder ]

It's alright, that you were able to be kinder than you were able to be cruel.

It's alright, that you didn't do much this time around.

It's alright, that you want to cry.

It's all alright, Suu-san.

[cw_suicide]

[nothing is beautiful and everything hurts.

he still doesn't cry but he does lean into the hold and even brings his arms loosely up in to go around Lucifel.]

[maidenheaven]

[ just, gently petting his hair, murmuring 'it's alright' again and letting them stay like that for a bit ]