AUTODOC SANTA: LIVE

[artificialinelegance]

Who: All
Where: The hotel lobby
When: Day 28, morning

[ For today's fun and exciting Live, Santa has set up a sensitIV pink tent in the lobby with the rod of Aesculapius emblazoned on all sides in the hotel lobby. She herself is sitting at a booth with prices listed on it, tapping away at her phone: ]

MEDICAL AND DISTRESS ASSISTANCE MENU:

Medical Exam - ONE PIECE OF INFORMATION
Basic Treatment - ONE PIECE OF INFORMATION
Basic Repairs - ONE PIECE OF INFORMATION
Advanced Repairs - DO I LOOK LIKE INTENSITY TO YOU
Listening to your problems - TWO PIECES OF INFORMATION
Cuddling - TWO PIECES OF INFORMATION FOR 1 HOUR, 50 POINTS PER HOUR AFTER
Massage - TWO PIECES OF INFORMATION
Counseling Session - THREE PIECES OF INFORMATION
Helpful Advice - 100 PTS, 3 PIECES OF INFORMATION
Honesty - 150 PTS
Healing - 300 PTS
♥A Happy Ending♥ - 500 PTS

Comments

[liarliarliar]

Ah! So pricey!

[artificialinelegance]

Should I adjust? I mean, the healing is our going rate and I'm not gonna fuck with that, proceeds go to sensitIV's tip jar. An' some good solid honesty is worth the world. Maybe advice could be less?

[rollplayinghouse]

[pauses. skeptical]

Are people going to be interested in doing some of those things with a stranger? Let alone if they have to pay for it?

[artificialinelegance]

First of all, I know like half the people here! An' second, a lot of this is shit that's better with a stranger! Who wants a friend doin' medical exams or givin' therapy to 'em?

[metafaliure]

Oh, so this is how you're doing it.

[artificialinelegance]

More efficient than kickin' down doors, yeah?

[scarvedforlife]

Bell I need to borrow 200 points for a happy ending.

[rollwillpowercheck]

[reading the sign with an increasingly dubious expression until he gets to the very bottom and then--]

Really?

[artificialinelegance]

Really! You don't like it?

[liarliarliar]

[taking a pic]

[bevoted]

[ ???????????????????????????????????? ]

Mari what is this??

[artificialinelegance]

[ like FUCKING FLINCHES ]

Santa, idiot!

[forgottenmercy]

[was wandering by. stops to examine the sign.] That's, ah, very through.

[artificialinelegance]

It is, ain't it?

[dragonheartedgirl]

"Helpful advice?"

...

I could use some helpful advice, Marigold.

[artificialinelegance]

Oh, for sure. For my princess, I'll even drop the points cost. ...Actually, ain't givin' ya advice part of my job anyway?

[carnivorouscarnival]

[ leans over the booth ]

Huh. What's with all those prices being "pieces of information"? You going into information brokering on top of all this other shit?

[artificialinelegance]

I would never.

[crossmyheartandhope]

Wow. You, uh. Really thought this through.

[artificialinelegance]

Yeah? Don't people think through all they lives?

[neigh_sayer]

[ooooh

drags a chair out from the lobby

DRAMATICALLY FLOPS OVER IT]

I'm in need of counseling!

[artificialinelegance]

Eh...I shoulda acquisitionified a couch.

[fiberoptic]

Hey. You're Hiryuu's... friend who's a girl.

[artificialinelegance]

Her servant! Who's a girl! What's up, boss dad?

[ just gonna pretend we didn't murder your family, ]

[scarvedforlife]

What kind of information are you looking for?

[artificialinelegance]

From someone new? I ain't sure how much you got that I don't already have.

Overheard your convo with Bell, though. Friend of a friend discount is 200 points off♡

[rollwithdisadvantage]

[Points at 'listening to your problems'.]

What sort of information do you want?

[afailedmurder]

Excuse me, 99. Do you have a moment? I wanted to speak to you about fundraising for the Exael meeting.

[afailedmurder]

I could spare some information. What flavor are you looking for?

[artificialinelegance]

Almost anything! About yourself, about others, about shit you've seen, about team relationships. For starters, if you got any info about your time in the house I'll take that. Shit seemin' outta place or relevant to our situation that you saw, your unit guost's sob story, you know. Counts as long as it ain't shit I already know.

[unbr8kable]

You actually learned anything good?

[artificialinelegance]

Shit yeah! And the counselin' idea was more popular than I expected. I kinda hate it?

[nohalation]

[looks at the list then looks at Santa then looks at the list then at Santa]

Hi.

[artificialinelegance]

Hi.

[furrytailprince]

Why is that last one so many points?

[artificialinelegance]

Wow, you're the first one t'say it isn't enough points.

[sancrimony]

. . . What is "a happy ending" . . . ?

[artificialinelegance]

Promise you're not gonna wig out an' tell me I can't 'cause it's bad an' wrong an' you're jealous?