Hell Bachelor: The Revenge

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Who: Y’all
Where: Lobby
When: Day 150 around sunset

[The lobby has been set up today for a ~very special viewing~. The chairs are pulled around to face one of the TV screens, there’s glasses and water set aside for a BARiTONES style refreshment stand, and some helpful information cards have been set out for participants to get up to speed. The screen is showing someone’s shakycam recording of none other than Mars’ terrible Hell Bachelor stint, currently zoomed in to a tearful angel-looking demon (that's Velly by the by, fan favorite).

At the front stands Intensity (with all his limbs even and in this this suit), and with him Kohime -- wearing an Avante jacket swapped out for a BARiTONES blazer -- perched on a nearby table top with her legs crossed, close to Intensity.]

I do so hate leaving unfinished business.

[With a wide dramatic wave of his arm:]

Ladies and Gentleman, we present to you today the rare opportunity to provide closure to one of the poor, despondent idols in our midst. Mars, while returned to his paladin tribe, left behind six unfinished episodes, a score of broken hearts, ridiculous amounts of blackmail merchandise, and a decision yet unmade.

Who was to accept the final rose?

But it need not end this way. Our undercover agents have recovered video evidence of the life he left behind. And so, my challenge to you is this: since MidBoss was so reluctant to throw down the gauntlet, then we can make that decision for him. Review the contestants and make a pitch for the demon mistress of your choice.

May the best bachelorette win.

[Then, directed off-camera:] Can we get a pep in here for tallying?

[Meanwhile, Kohime slides forward to lean impertinently on Intensity, and adds:] Drinks on me.

((Debate/booze double Live! Come make bank by embarrassing Mars.

List of eligible bachelorettes here))

Comments

[carnivorouscarnival]

[ scoffs ]

What a pointless debate—what's any of it got to do with our preferences? In the end, it's all about who's most capable of stealing his heart.


Which is the Praying Mantis, from the looks of it. Gyahahaha!

[purrrnicious]

Pff, how should I know? Apparently that's how the show's set up, so the audience can cheer for their favourite.

[carnivorouscarnival]

Yeah? Any of 'em won you over yet?

[purrrnicious]

Eh, not really. Whichever one gets him to make the dumbest faces, I guess.

[carnivorouscarnival]

So, whoever turns him off the most.

Which isn't gonna be any of the ones trying to kill him, I bet.

[purrrnicious]

Sounds right. But I get the feeling all of these would've somehow ended in someone dying anyway.

[carnivorouscarnival]

Gyahahaha! You're probably not wrong. Guess reality TV in Hell needs that liiiittle extra dash of spice.

[purrrnicious]

Shoulda picked a better star if that's what they were going for.

[carnivorouscarnival]

If that's the kinda show they want, I'd make a better bachelor for sure. It'd be a waste to pull anyone away for that, though—those talents get put to much better use around here.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Ha!

How do you figure that's his type?

[carnivorouscarnival]

Oh, no, no, I was thinking a liiittle more literally.

1/3

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

...

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

...?

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

No.

[carnivorouscarnival]

Oh, c'mon, it wasn't even that bad a pun. I can do way worse than that.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[Phew.

Yes. Good.

Misinterpret that.





And predictably:]

Prove it.

[carnivorouscarnival]

Really? You should know by now that bad puns are just how eye roll.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[That one takes a few seconds.





Several few seconds actually]

I changed my mind.

You can stop now.

[rollplayinghouse]

Are we talking stealing his heart with a knife?

[carnivorouscarnival]

Whew. Glad the joke didn't go over everyone's heads.

[rollplayinghouse]

I wouldn't have thought it was that hard to catch.

[carnivorouscarnival]

Right? The fruit was hanging so low I almost didn't want to pick it.

Almost.

[rollplayinghouse]

I'm more surprised people actually thought you were talking about romance and not murder.

[carnivorouscarnival]

Guess my image really is slipping.

[ intended as a quip, though it comes out sounding a dash more reflective than he probably meant it to. ]

[rollplayinghouse]

...Does that bother you?