imeeji_frontstage | medical/self-care live!

medical/self-care live!

Who: some cute nurses & you
Where: the lobby + wherever if you want a housecall
When: day 131, noon

[ hope everyone is resting well! or maybe keeping busy, as one does after horrible trauma. some sensitIVs are doing just that - actually, it's been a while since lucifel's called a live, hasn't it? but he's in the lobby in a nurse outfit, with nya, and possibly a few other sensitIVs who may or may not have been roped into wearing nurse outfits. it's mystery ]

Ahhh . . . Uhm, good morning, everyone -

[ somewhat nervously, or maybe self-conscious, ]

It's been a while, hasn't it? Not for any good reason either, but - in any case, we thought it would be good to have something like this again . . . that is -

Hello! This is a medical checkup Live, since we've had a rough couple of days. Uhm, if you would like to get a checkup, we'll be here in the lobby! Even if you don't feel it's necessary, we've arranged to have some comforts here, if you'd like to stop by for some self-care, instead!

[ camera swivel to the lobby which has a bunch of dakimakuras (stripped of their covers so you're not looking at lewds) and blankets, some of them raised up like someone's taken boxes to make them into tables and put a blanket over it so it looks nicer. on them are a few kettles and teapots, mismatched like someone gathered pretty much every tea dispenser he could. there are also a few trays of sweets - desserts from the café, as well as fruits to be cut up, as well as like, ice cream and Japanese snacks like purin and senbei. there is probably literally a boxtable that is entirely just mandarin oranges. ]

. . . Uhm . . .

[ with the camera back to lucifel, who looks somewhat conflicted - though overall grateful, ]

Speaking personally for a moment - it was really comforting to have people by my side, yesterday - so thank you . . . Even though I was a mess who couldn't stop crying . . .

. . . And - in the end, it made me feel a lot better, and I understood just then that crying can bring great relief! So - uhm, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen to your troubles, or a lap to rest your head on, or someone to hug or wrestle to get rid of stress - well, I don't know if we're all able to do that here but we'll do our best to help you how we can!

[ and he gives an earnest smile, there ]

I'm still - uhm, learning . . . quite a lot of things, so this is the best I could think of for "self care", but if you have an idea for the future, I'd be most grateful to know it!

[ then, a beat ]

Ahh, but it's understandable that you might not want to relax around some people, so - well - for this reason, we decided against visiting every dorm like we did before, but -

If you'd like one of us to make a housecall to your dorm instead, then please send a text to your preferred healer on duty, and we'll be on the way! If you really can't tolerate any of us, then . . . well, it would be best to get as many points as you can, since this last game was really bad for scars, but - well, in any case, we'll do our best to stay out of your way, so please let us know in advance as well, or otherwise spend some time outside of the lobby, please! We've made a border -

[ with a gesture to the line of pillows where all dakimakura and blanket and foodnonsense stops ]

- for you to have a clear walkway, so please bear with our intrusion for the next couple of hours!

[ cheerily. ok lucifel signing off ]

sensitIVs | HOUSECALLS/TEXTS | Bring Your Own Toplevels | TOPLEVELS ONLY

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...

Not yet.

I was meaning to, yesterday, but then I ended up falling asleep? And then I, uh. Got distracted trying to figure out how I'd talk to her about things.

Mm? Things?

You know. Things.

. . .

Just the subject from yesterday, or is there more? Because, like I said, you really don't need to rush.

I'm not rushing! It was just kinda. Weighing on my mind yesterday.

. . .

Do you want to talk about it?

To be honest, uhm. Last night, I . . . mentally speaking, it was bad . . . rather, I was in poor condition, or rather . . . uhm . . .

. . .

I have some trauma . . . when it comes to marriage and the like, so being thrown off guard like that, I, uhm . . .

I didn't speak very well, I think. So, it would be good to revisit it . . . Now that I've calmed down . . .

...

If you want to?

Maybe it would only be for my own satisfaction, but . . .

Uhm . . .

In the first place - in the first place, we don't have to . . . you know?

It's... I mean, like you said, we kind of are that close already as it is? So it's not like it would be that strange, right?

Mm, that's certainly true, but - my point more or less is that it does not matter if we do or don't. Since, in the first place . . .

[ shifting a little to pull his arm back, tracing the spot on his own arm where the avestan is written ]

In terms of vows, in terms of promises, in terms of marks . . . those were already something we've done independently.

So . . .

In terms of benefit, really, it's just to give us a name, right? Though we've already said before, it's fine if it's nameless . . .

Even if there is no name for it, you . . . are already the same as Dia-sama and Whisky both are, in my eyes . . .

Ah-

[he. was not expecting to hear that, in as many words.

so the fact that his heart suddenly feels like it's going to break itself out of his chest must be just from surprise]

Th-then, I'll... I'll think about it more.

. . . Okay. Good.

[ with a pause - and then it comes rushing out, an embarrassed and blurted confession ]

- really, really do. Seriously! It's only - at its base, really, what is it more than dressing up and having a party - when we're already essentially there in spirit, right? Really -

In the first place, I . . . I don't like weddings, or rather, it's really - really frightening for me, I have nightmares about things like that, so -

Since it's wonderful and I know it to be wonderful, I don't mind - no, for you, I'll endure it, because I do want to . . . for that person, for myself, I want to overcome that fear of mine. Above all else, if you need it - if it feels as though I won't be truly yours without it - then I'd rather do it than not, but - so -

Well -

J-just, don't feel as though you have to do it! That's all! There isn't anyone we need to prove anything to! So! If you want to, do it because you want a wedding, not because you want me! Since you already! Have me!

[ @ _@

puts his head down. ]

Edited 2019-06-27 19:16 (UTC)

[help he is going to die there are too many feelings]

...Having you is all that matters. I don't even like parties or ceremonies or anything like that, so... since you're right, since you're already mine...

Right! So it's fine!

[ lifts his head, suddenly animated now ]

And in any case, it's a pain to have a wedding! There's a lot of cost attached to it, and it takes so long to prepare for, and the little minutiae build up to create such a pressure for a performance, and for what! Days and days of fretting over the size of the waist and how the bodice would fit, of looking good enough for people so they don't criticize, of enduring conversations like "so when will you have children" and gossip like that! People get angry having to move their own schedule around but just what can be done about it, since it's a once in a lifetime event! Of course, everyone has to be invited or it's a slight against them even if you don't like them! Then they have to show up or it's a sight against you! A church full of people who will judge you and complain about whatever catering there is or isn't, as if it's in your control! People getting drunk before it's even started! People indulging themselves, barely able to contain themselves even when there's still a whole ceremony to go through!

The bachelorette party! The bridal shower! The rehearsals! The photoshoots! Money and time sinks, all just excuses for everyone else to get drunk and live off of the absurd amount of resources spent that they don't have to contribute to at all! And then, standing at the front and waiting and waiting with everyone's eyes on you! For what! Just to be left there and then pitied and laughed at!? Aaahh, I hate it so much!!

[ at some point he found a pillow to hit the ground underneath himself with, emphatic in his ?distress?anger? ]

[

very, carefully pats, his shoulder,]

Ruler. The last time you had a wedding, it went fine. Remember?

That was a game so of course nearly all the preparation work was already accounted for! Besides that, I was spending the entire time thinking about how best to kill myself and I don't even remember what the cake tasted like because I was crying too much! Also!

Also!!!

That game was horrible, still! I'm happy to be married to Dia-sama and Whisky-san now but before the happy ending that was easily the worst thing that could happen to me! Seriously, I had seriously thought about asking you to just kill me back then!!

I'm starting to get the feeling that we should definitely not do a wedding.

[ head => squishy cuddletent floor ]

. . .

. . . . . . Uuugh . . .

[ whine ]

. . . . . . . . . . . . I'll still do it . . .

No . . .

It's more like . . .

Part of me still really wants to do it . . . . . .

If only . . . If only so that I can do it right this time . . . Without crying . . .

My heart is torn on the matter . . . . . . . . . . . . Or more like, even after all this time, that person's memory still feels like my own . . . . . . . . Just how do I defeat this ghost . . . . . .

...Not like I'd know.

I know . . .

- but. Aahhh, my point is -

My point is, I love you enough. I really, really, really really love you, so if you want to, it's fine. If you don't want to, though, don't make yourself do it . . . Sorry, this wasn't meant to be about me. . .

It's not like I mind things being about you. I wanna know how you feel.

I know . . . But, I want the same from you, too . . .

[ with a little huff ]

...How much of the same? Are you hoping to hear about my personal trauma?

[teasing, but there's the slightest hint of an edge to his tone]

I want everything of yours.

[ moving to kiss his jaw, now ]

But what I want is unreasonable. What I hope for, ultimately, is to alleviate your burdens, if even just by a little bit. So, if it's just a complaint about how your shoes are untied, or your personal trauma, or a worry about the future, or anything . . . anything, anything.

. . . Even if you don't tell me anything, at least find some comfort in me.

...

I don't... really know how.

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