imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

Yeah.

S'why it sucks when she needs me to do something and I'm just, like - acting like a coward, or can't get it together, or whatever.

I'm just sayin'... from someone in a similar position.

Sometimes they're just wrong. ... and it's okay to recognize that for what it is and still love them anyway. Any parent who thinks their kid is-- a coward, or useless, or anything... they're not a good parent, I think. And still loving them despite that is normal, I think... I love my dad too, even though he's... y'know.
...

I don't think someone like that deserves someone as good as you.

Your dad's different, though. Some of the stuff he pulled's just - it sucks. You can't trick someone like that, into doing what you want em to do, after they told you no. It sucks. You shouldn't have to put up with that.

My mom's just... right about stuff. She's just calling it like she sees it.

[He opens his mouth, like he wants to say something else - closes it instead, and bites down on his lip, and glances aside.]

Yeah, but... it's just as bad, is all I'm saying. Being tricked into it, or doing it willingly for their benefit with-- no acknowledgement. Or worse, contempt.

[ ... nudges him gently. ]

Go on?

S'nothing. Just - I'm not that good, is all.

Maybe if I did better, she... I dunno. She'd be happier.

[ settles her arm back around him. ]

You can't set yourself on fire to make other people warm, dude. And if someone doesn't wanna be happy then-- you can't force them to be, no matter what you try.

... if she wasn't happy with you being her kid as-is, that's her problem. Not yours.

...sure felt like my problem.

[After a beat or two, though, he does kind of lean into the arm around him, a little.]

[ softly, squeezing him gently ]

You think lots of things are your problem, though. Even when they ain't.

[He laughs, soft and kind of shaky.]

That your way of telling me to mind my own business sometimes?

No, doofus, it's my way of telling you to take care of yourself a lil' bit more. 'Specially in the feelings department.

Feeling stuff's not really my area of expertise.

Practice makes perfect.

... I know you don't like to but I'm always here for you if you wanna try. Okay? Me and Nem talk about lots of stuff, too.

...yeah?

Yeah. I'm not gonna air her dirty laundry or bad feelios or whatever but...

[ a pause ]

Well. She'd never say anything if I let her, same as you. But if it involves us-- and if I think we can really like... make things better, we at least try. Or I ask her to, anyway. If she says no though it's no biggie.

Edited 2019-05-29 21:28 (UTC)

[He's quiet for a long couple of seconds. Then, soft:]

...don't you get tired?

Edited 2019-05-29 21:31 (UTC)

Tired of what?

You go through stuff, and it's bad, and then you gotta dig it all up again and go over it again, and it's just - hard.

Well... we talked about this once before, right? When you have something real painful it's like a big raw open cut. But instead of cleaning it you ignore it and hope it goes away and instead it gets all infected and hurts more and more and by the time you DO manage to try to fix it then you gotta like, clean it, but then also take medicine and pay even more attention to it and it takes a lot longer to heal...

So if you just try to fix it as soon as you can, it won't hurt any more than it did when the bad thing first happened, at least. And it can heal better and faster.

[ quiet for a moment ]

Yeah, it makes me tired. But I get more tired when I gotta hold in all my feelings and pretend it don't hurt, like I been lately. And sometimes I don't wanna talk about stuff either, not yet, cuz I gotta think about it more... and that's tiring too, but... less than never doing anything at all.

Edited 2019-05-29 21:48 (UTC)

...

...how come you been holding it in lately? If you think that, about the infection or whatever.

Cuz it's just... been a lot of stuff one after the other, and I'm not that smart, so every time I think I figure something out another thing happens and I gotta rethink it all over again.

... it's getting a little better lately though. I think...

...dude. [Nudges her, gentle.] You're plenty smart.

[A beat, considering.]

I'm glad, though. That it's getting better.

... yeah.

[ until i go try to murder lucifel.

She leans a little. ]

[Leans back. It's a proper lean; he's sinking most of his weight into her, boneless and tired.]

Did you wanna go again?

On the memories, I mean.

Yeah, man. Sure.

[ buying another ]

...oh my god. Dude.