imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

[there is maybe... a little bit of a thrill at being able to see the effect. he's... happy? to be helping Mars feel more comfortable. it's nice?

there's also some of that just by feeling the answering fondness, the bad feelings fading back a little--still background noise but not his immediate focus.]

I guess so.

[... no, can't help it. nudging the flicker of fondness into solid fondness. mutual fondness is nice?]

Edited 2018-12-31 00:52 (UTC)

[whoa]

[he definitely feels it solidly now, but with those solid feelings comes a bit more fluster. not enough to get him to pull away, just]

Hey--

[hey!1]

D. . . don't make this hard on me.

[needs a bit more chill, you say?]

I won't. That's as far as I'll go there.

[he doesn't want to push it, just wanted them... a bit more on the same page?

but he does reach up to touch Mars's face, trying to feel reassuring. he won't push it, though there's some disappointment, there's respect about that being the limit there.

it's not like he'd want to artificially crank it up past that, anyway. other things, though... maybe.]

[aha]

[the respect is actually followed by a well of deep appreciation, and the fondness amplifies all on its own, probably also thanks to the gentle touch against his cheek]

[a light flicker of longing, and--]

[with a sharp exhale, Mars closes his eyes and reaches out for those relaxed chill feelings again, trying to focus on them and use them to drown out everything else]

[... ah.

that longing has a echo from Joker, back in the far back where he stashes some old pains and bad, dark feelings--a sense of loneliness, deep and probably noticeably always present as well. hurt from the day's earlier bullshit bubbling up again

but then he settles back into the relaxed feelings with Mars, stretches up to plant a kiss on his chin, hand remaining on his face.]

[ah. . .]

[. . . wrinkles his nose and swallows thickly, but notably does not pull away from that kiss on his chin. though he does mumble--]

Why are you, of all people, lonely?

[the question gets a slow blink from him, a look that's clearly not quite comprehending if only because thinking on it, the loneliness and where it stems from, can be a quick way to thinking too hard and--

oh.

so what's emotional disconnect before the emotion can hit feel like, anyway? there was sure something Not Good cropping up, old and painful.

unfortunately, the disconnect leaves him feeling a bit... unmoored? in a bit of a free fall without the falling. except for the bit of bitter amusement. that's always on the ready]

... "of all people"... what's with everyone lately? Having to constantly remind people hundreds of years of isolation does shit to people isn't lonely?

[why can't people just accept he's a little fucked up?!]

[oh. shit]

[there goes that cozy, comfortable and relaxing high, thrown asunder by Joker's emotional disconnect and the feeling of free falling. Mars reaches out immediately, trying to moor him with a sense of security. a sense of I'm here]

[he also presses his palms against the sides of Joker's face, his hold firm]

You're right.

Sorry.

[. . . it's just. . . someone as charismatic, who has so many people care about him, so has so many connections, who is so so full compared to Mars's emptiness being lonely is. . . strange to think about]

[it does a good job at getting him to refocus, get things back under control, reconnected--at least a little.

it feels a little bad because it did wreck the nice feelings but there's also that feeling of fatigue that means he's not going to be too fussed about that. good feelings can come back, so...

he lets himself lean into the hands on his face.]

... it's also... like A mentioned. Maki asked if we could back off the relationship--step back some. There's some of that going on.

[it. feels bad. heartache is definitely a bitch, so is a sense of failing when you've been trying really hard to make something you really wanted to work]

All that and the interrogation-- [remembered feelings of being disoriented and in pain from unremembered beatings] --and A's memory... [more guilt, the knowledge he probably got everyone he cared about killed--and Shido being responsible, oh hey that pit of vengeful feelings is back]

It's a lot. And it all sucks.

[slides one hand from Joker's cheek to the back of his head, fingers curling into his hair]

. . . no wonder you needed a hit.

[reaching out to pick up the joint from, idk, wherever they stashed it and offering it to Joker again]

I can't really tell if it's helping...

[there's the bit of anxiousness about people finding out and giving him shit for it but it's quickly ignored in favor of taking the joint for another hit, managing not to completely choke this time.]

It felt like it was.

[curiosity at the anxiousness, but once Joker's done he takes the joint from him and takes another hit off of it himself]

. . . nice. Was nice.

That's true.

[plus laying on Mars is comfortable. though he's shifting a bit, watching Mars, equally curious

maybe poking for that chill again. do we need that amped again?]

[it's there! could probably use a little bit of ramping up, yep. Mars is trying to burrow himself into it again, trying to take Joker with him]

Don't be anxious. S'fine. . .

Mm...

[letting himself get drawn into that comfy cozy area again, trying to turn off his thoughts and just focus on the feel goods of relaxation, chill, and tactile connection.

little bit of nuzzling against Mars's shoulder and neck but like... it's nice]

[there we go]

[and Mars goes back to patting the back of Joker's head, carding his fingers through curly locks that are similar and yet not his own. he knows in the back of his head that this is dangerous, but honestly? he's too languid to care. he's allowed to indulge, and if indulging helps Joker calm down, then. . . it's fine]

[it's fine?]

[it's fine!1]

[sounds like you need It's Fine amplified

if only because Joker really wants it to be fine and also conflict is... not conducive to pleasant nice feels of chill.

reassuring kisses to Mars' jaw is conducive, though.]

[THIS IS A BAD IDEA]

[what is being able to recognize bad ideas right now???]

[. . . purrs a content noise in the back of his throat, head tilted back. u can keep doing that, Joker]

Edited 2018-12-31 03:22 (UTC)

[HOW CAN IT BE A BAD IDEA WHEN IT FEELS THIS NICE?

and he is in fact continuing to do that, little nips of kisses with gratitude and appreciation and simple want to feel good along his throat.]

[YOU KNOW WHY]

[especially when some of those nips start to elicit small spikes of interest from Mars. there's a pause on his end, a moment where he tenses up, but--]

[then he relaxes again, allowing his fingers to dance across the back of Joker's neck]

[that draws a low, content purr of his own, a lazy sort of response that has him stretching out a bit. he even gets a little lazier with he kisses, lingering a bit, idly pulling and amping on those sparks of interest--not by much, mostly out of curiosity.

figures if it pushes the boundaries set before, Mars'll say something. probably.]

[-- ah, yep. he sure will]

[Mars's grip on the back of Joker's neck tightens, slightly scolding]

Not those, either.

[ramping up fondness + interest = Mars's life gets a whole hell of a lot harder]

[vaguely put-off noise but he lets go of those feelings, giving a quick simple kiss against his throat in apology before settling against him again.]

[vague disappointment on his end, coupled by a bit of longing. . .]

. . . sorry.

[Joker is involved with people. he can't go any further than this]

This is fine. But just this.

Edited 2018-12-31 04:20 (UTC)

[noooo shhh, hands going up to pet his hair]

Don't apologize.

I told you... I'm not great at this.

[someone here needs to remember to put on the brakes.]

I'll leave off.

[so he doesn't push it more. like an idiot.]