Mingle time!

[heavyliesthecrown]

Who: Idols
Where: Everywhere
When: Day 443; Whenever

[ So I heard we got some newbies. Let's release them into the wild! ]

Comments

[firstworldproblem]

No. No. I think you've had your fill today. Taisho then.

[He takes him to Taisho and to his room and his new approved room, holding his arm the entire way.]

[ouji4board]

God, I can't even take care of myself? And Five's like-- You know what he's like! No way he listened to me? Which is probably smart? Alex, what if I fucked him up?

[firstworldproblem]

First of all. Rather impossible considering his upbringing. Your upbringing.

[Sitting down in the grass with him and motioning for him to place his head in his lap.]

Second, the fact that you care enough to want what is best for him is leaps and bounds beyond any of the caretakers he has had.

[ouji4board]

By which you mean Dad. And Mom too, I guess.

[ head > lap. and dropping his arms over his face ]

[firstworldproblem]

Precisely.

Now that you can remember it. Can you imagine arriving alone in that place? Discover the horrors by yourself? Yes, you worry that you were enough or that you might lack in your teaching. But truthfully being there, caring for him, that alone I imagine meant the world to him.

[ouji4board]

[ shudders, turning to press his face against Alex's abdomen ]

Yeeeeah. God, we still have to bury the others. And Ben's missing too. If he was around, at least there'd be a voice of reason, y'know?

[firstworldproblem]

[He pets his hair.]

Young Five may be, when it comes to matters of practicality, you can lean on him. And your siblings would understand if you gathered yourselves before you produced for them a proper burial. They would want you to be feel safe first.

You have each other, and while it is far from perfect, it will be enough.

[ouji4board]

[ groans wordlessly ]

I know it's a memory, but I keep, like. All I can think of is everything I have to do to make sure I don't, you know, kill my brother.

[firstworldproblem]

[Still petting.]

You've never had another's well being in your care, have you? Not before this.

[ouji4board]

Of course not! This is me were talking about? I'm like, the least responsible out of all of us? I can barely keep myself alive.

[firstworldproblem]

Protesting as you do, you've done well enough for your considering you are still alive.

But is that what you fear? That you won't be enough. That you will let him down.

[ouji4board]

I know I'm going to. Like, one of the other memories I've got is just being sick. How is that me taking care of him?

[firstworldproblem]

It's called being mortal. A terrible circumstance truly. Even the most resilient can fall ill time to time.

[ouji4board]

...I guess better me than him.

[firstworldproblem]

[He just hums.]

How can I convey it? That just having you there was more important than anything. I bet he rested his head upon you at night not unlike this after a time. That he would hold your hand just to reaffirm you were there.

[ouji4board]

Alex...

[firstworldproblem]

Am I wrong?

[ouji4board]

[ mngnnghjkgffffft ]

[firstworldproblem]

[He pets his head with a smile.]

Too much? Alright. Alright, I will relent. Just breathe.

[ouji4board]

I kinda wanna die a lil bit. Is that a thing we can make happen?

[firstworldproblem]

.... Now why is that?

[ouji4board]

I'm only good at fucking things up? [ snorts ] And, y'know, fucking things. But that's not really the point. But like, if even Allison couldn't be a good mom, and like-- She's, y'know, actually competent... [ memories are great??? ]

Also I know myself well enough that I definitely didn't let Five know I was freaking out. God, what the fuck. I'm freaking out more now than I was in that memory.

[firstworldproblem]

'Tis not too surprising. You were trying to forestall a crisis and thus you pushed down your feelings, your emotions, so you could function.

But you have memories after this. You know you took care of him.

[ouji4board]

I mean, I know I didn't kill him in the first few weeks, so that's a success, right?

[firstworldproblem]

You really don't think that your company is enough, do you?