imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

Well, we have that time now. Maybe not for a whole unit meeting or anything, but... if there's anything you want to say in particular, I don't mind listening.

Are you sure? I don't want to - to just complain at you...

There's got to be some way of making this fairer, hasn't there? I didn't mean Ren-chan had to give up on Taisho for ever, just... we can't always expect to look out for them, even if her father is on the unit, can we...? We've all had to, had to hurt people we care for...

...

When I talked to her just now, she seemed to think that if we made a contract with Taisho, that would fix things. Since it would be a guarantee that they couldn't hurt us, and we couldn't hurt them. But that locks us into having to put each other over anyone else, so... she realizes now that isn't the way to do it.

Personally, I don't like the idea of forcing ourselves to stick to saving only a few specific units to begin with. If a game is forcing us to choose someone to hurt or kill, it doesn't really matter who they are or if they're related to us or not. Because, if we decide that "Taisho deserves our help because they're kind to us" or "ZRAEL deserves our help because we like them" - then all we're doing is trying to justify our choices by pretending there's more or less value to a unit based on that.

I don't think we should have to make excuses for why we want to protect someone. And I don't think anyone's reasons should be considered less than anyone else's just because someone else happens to have a stronger relationship. If we only ever protect units because one person had "proof" that they love them more than anyone loves any other unit... there's no point for anyone else to ask for anything, if they don't feel like they can match that.

[...]

I keep talking too much. Sorry.

But what I mean is, I agree with you. These games will force us to hurt each other and there's always a chance all of our options will lead to someone getting hurt who one of us cares about. So if that happens, the most we can do is try to decide who we can save, and who we'll need to help afterwards. And even if we can't protect who's important to you that time, we need to remember that these games were designed to be unwinnable, and not to beat ourselves up over it if we can't save everyone, or make a choice that everyone on the unit can be happy with.

We should still try to. But sometimes, it can't be helped if we were already set up for failure from the start.

... good.

[Her hands tighten about her knees.]

I'm glad she didn't do that. That - she didn't listen at all, did she? All I wanted was to, to not just... go along with it, like there was nobody else who mattered to me, because she had someone who mattered to her... I know she just wants to protect Taisho, but...

That game. The one she was talking about. You weren't here yet, and... it was bad. But - do you know why I said we should sacrifice ourselves? Because we'd already agreed to target sensitIV. Because someone had to, and if we all worked together and picked the right units to turn in, then all of us who lost would still win and we'd all be properly healed. We - we just didn't know how bad the host wanted us to suffer, first...

It's not right, is it? To ask someone else to make that kind of sacrifice, if you wouldn't be prepared to do the same?

She cares a lot. Just like you do. That's why you're both so willing to stand up against each other to protect the people you care about.

Anyway, I explained things to her, and she seemed to accept it. I don't know if talking to her right now will go better, but... she understands why making a contract isn't the solution she wants it to be, I think. And that we'll all need to talk about it when we have time outside of games so we can be prepared for it if it happens again.

There never will be a "right" solution to it anyway. So we just need to figure out how to make sure everyone gets a chance to be considered.

[And then there's that second part.]

...I don't really see a need to pretend like there's any "right" or "wrong" answer when everyone here is just trying to get by enough to survive. I don't want to die. And I'll be grateful to anyone who decides to so I don't have to. But I won't ever feel like I "owe" them anything because of a decision they made.

...But I'm a selfish person like that. So for someone like you... wanting to take on some of that burden yourself might have been the "right" answer for that game. Or, if it wasn't - then maybe it's something we need to learn to avoid.

Either way, we need to be able to say what we need to, even if it isn't chosen in the end.

I don't want to talk to her right now. I'm - I'd just say something stupid I'd regret. Or she'd say something that'd set me off again...

But... I don't want to be this angry with her. It's not Ren-chan's fault the Producers make these games as awful as possible, all the way through. I shouldn't be taking this out on her. I just - she's not being fair. She's asked me to hurt sensitIV before, and I did it because we all agreed there was no other way... does she think that didn't hurt me like it would hurt her, because it was my - my lover, and not my family? Because we didn't think to get married, while we were here?

...I think that's probably wise. It would be nice if you could talk later, but if both of you are still hurt after that, talking now would probably make it worse. So if you need to rest and get your thoughts in order, that's fine.

I can't pretend to know what Ren thinks. So... that's something you'll have to find out once you're both able to talk again.

I suppose not. I know I'm talking to the wrong person. But... I can't now go over and tell her that it's okay, she should forget I said anything, because it wouldn't be true... and I don't think anything else I could say is going to make it better. I'm not going to pretend I was wrong so she can - what, just carry on thinking she's got this, this trump card she can play that means none of the rest of us get a say in who we protect?

[She's quiet for a moment, as if listening to herself.]

I can't talk to her, Sky-kun. I'm still too angry.

That's why you need rest first. ...Mm, it might not make you any less angry. But you might be able to think a little clearer afterwards, too.

I don't think Ren's ready to talk, either. So if you both need time apart for a while, you should do that first.

You're right. You're right. It's...

I hate feeling like I'm just leaving it. I'm a stubborn person like that, I'm afraid. But you're right. It wouldn't do any good.

It's not so much leaving it as... putting it on a break, maybe.

I don't think it's very productive to push yourself past your limits. That's how things break - and having to go through games like that definitely count as pushing yourself.

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