imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

[.....Kkkkknock knock?]

Renny? Ya up?

[It takes several moments. She debated ignoring her all together, but decided to answer the door.]

Yes, I'm awake. Did you need anything?

Me? Naw. I'm checkin' up on ya, is all.

Thank you, but it's not necessary. I think Wednesday probably needs it more than I do, in fact.

[Ren might also be trying to withdraw a bit, out of guilt and frustration. Zrael died anyway, despite their argument about who to pick.]

[She sighs, sounding borderline frustrated.]

It ain't a competition, Renny, and it ain't like I can't worry after more'n one wayward pepper.

I'm fine. My father's unit won along with ours, so I have no complaints.

["Fine".]

Zrael was still hurt despite Wednesday arguing to help them. She's the one who is undoubtedly most upset out of all of us right now.

But it was a lil rough gettin' there.

[She opens her mouth and then closes it again, trying to think of what to say.]

Taisho chose to spare us, like I thought they would. I was right, knowing what they would choose, and we thanked them by hurting them, even if we didn't outright sacrifice them like we did Wild City.

[She shifts, clearly uncomfortable.]

Renny. . .

Then maybe you oughta have a talk with yer pops. It ain't fair, expectin' yer folk are always the ones what get protected, you know? There's nine of us on pep.

I saw him when we came out of the game and he was hurt like the others. He's not upset with us, but I still feel like I betrayed them.

[Talking to them though...]

We don't have an agreement written down between our two units, but Taisho can do contracts. Maybe I can get an agreement between them and us, to make sure that there's no more uncertainty. I know Wednesday was worried about not being able to trust Five, but if we came to agreement with all of Taisho, it should be fine, right?

Edited 2021-04-12 03:49 (UTC)

. . .

Renny, it ain't about trustin' Taisho. If yer holdin' out they'd protect us, I figure they're gonna do it. But yer asking fer all the other folk to always let their loved ones die if it's gotta be one or the other –– that ain't really fair, you know?

Then it isn't fair to expect them to always protect us if we can't offer the same, is it?

[Ugh. She doesn't mean to keep holding onto this, but it's frustrating.]

I understand Wednesday's feelings and I know that I need to be more flexible, but I know I was right about this too. If we have a contract with them, then they have to honor it too.

[She sighs, sinking down so her back is against the wall in the hallway, pulling her knees up under her chin.]

If ya push a contract then we gotta follow it, too, and Birdy and nofolk else could ever ask fer their loved ones. Yer gonna be forcing it that way, Renny. . . I know ya ain't the type to do that to peps.

[She sits beside her, nodding in agreement.]

I know it’s a lot to ask, but maybe there’s something else instead to be done in the future to prevent these things. The part that upset me is that she doesn’t realize the compromises I’ve made too, even when it hurt us to spare someone she or someone else cared about. Taisho is guaranteed to not hurt us. I don’t want to spurn that to “take turns”. It wouldn’t feel right to me.

I know. I didn't wanna say Birdy's feelings were any more important than yers, they really ain't.

I dunno how to fix it. I was guessin' maybe we work out who's gotta protect other units, and rotate through the list so ain't no pepper bein' asked to give all the time.

Then I think it's fair to share that with yer pops, so he knows it, too.

I don't got no other notions yet. . .

[Putting her head on Moxie’s shoulder.]

Mm. I know he, my mother, and I talked about it before they disappeared. They both would fight tooth and nail to keep pep safe. I feel like I’m hurting her. I miss her because she would know the right thing to do or say and I just... I don’t. I don’t want to hurt anyone but we chose to sacrifice Wild City without even hesitating. We chose to hurt Taisho. It feels horrible having to choose and I don’t know where to find a compromise in that.

[Slinging an arm around her –– it's not gentle or nurturing, it's rough –– but it's still companionable.]

I know. That why I ain't gonna say "what's the fair way to kill off folk". There ain't a fair way, and someone's gonna be hurtin' no matter what we do. I figure the best I can manage is makin' sure no one's feelin' like their hurts don't matter none.

[She pauses, skritching her chin with her free hand as she adds on ruefully (though just factual, she's not ashamed to say it or anything):]

But I dunno if I can. I ain't smart like Glacy or Colby.

Edited 2021-04-12 17:43 (UTC)

[It's appreciated, honestly. She feels pretty bad about all of this.]

I don't want anyone's feelings to be hurt... or to be less important. I just... it's hard to find a compromise within myself when it comes to something like this. It comes down to what we can all live with. Not only was I not able to compromise on Taisho, but we hurt Wild City. I wish these things could be easier somehow, but it always feels like we're weighing someone else's life against another.

[It's rough.]

You're smart in a different way than them. I don't think in this situation it's really about smart or not smart either. It's about what we can live with.