imeeji_frontstage | Broacasted memories catchall post

At the end the last game - - the person runnin' it said to win someone would have to break an arm. So... If any other games are like that ya might just get hurt 'cause the fucks runnin' this place asked for it.

. . .

It isn't something they could help, so I don't mind. Though it would hurt, I'm sure, I would still love them.

Edited 2018-06-21 05:20 (UTC)

Even if they didn't need to? If it was just for the goddamn points?

I hope it would be worth it to them. I don't think anyone here would feel guiltless for doing something like that - what reason do I have to hold it further against them?

You'd have every goddamn right to hold it against 'em. Even if they feel guilty, doesn't change what they did.

. . . Even so, is it not painful to hold someone to such contempt? To be held in such contempt?

Moreover, it is something that our fans desire. What do I have to complain about, doing my job?

Ya can hold someone in contempt for hurtin' you. You can complain about a job yer bein' forces into. Isn't that just - - fair?

. . . I don't know.

[ a little fretful, pulling at the hem of his skirt ]

Is it . . . ?

I think so.

But - say that does happen, then. Eventually . . . I'm sure that there will be a lot of Games, in this career. How long should I hold them in contempt? How much more contempt will I have to hold? Eventually, will I have nothing but ill will toward them?

. . . . Isn't that painful?

Yer allowed to forgive'n forget and all that. But it depends -- s'not just black and white. If someone hurt someone ya loved wouldn't you be justified in bein' upset for a while?

. . . I would be upset over that. Would it be justified?

'Course, that's my whole point. You should be actin' the same way if you got hurt too.

Ah . . . I see. It feels a little different when it comes to me, though.

Why? D'you think you matter less?

Uhm - thinking about mattering less or more is . . . not really something that I was thinking of, but. . .

[ that would require being aware of any self value in the first place, ]

No, rather - it isn't something I have yet, but my unit's granted abilities are all focused around healing. So - at least for myself, the injuries would not matter much at all, and otherwise I don't really have a problem with it. . .

Wouldn't that be true for the rest of your unit, too? But you'd still be upset if they got hurt.

Well - my unitmates feel a bit more . . . I think they'd be more upset by it, in general. But I don't really have the same sort of common sense, so. . .

And ya don't think they'd get upset if you got hurt?

Well, I didn't say that I would just let it happen - I'm sure they would be upset, so it isn't like I won't try to be careful. But if it does happen, I don't think I should need to be upset over it.

[ he exhales ]

You're really goddamn stubborn about all this, y'know that?

. . . . Sorry about that.

I'm not gonna go too hard on ya. But ya really can't live like that.

How should I live?

How 'bout givin' half a shit about yourself?

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