medical/self-care live!

[sancrimony]

Who: some cute nurses & you
Where: the lobby + wherever if you want a housecall
When: day 131, noon

[ hope everyone is resting well! or maybe keeping busy, as one does after horrible trauma. some sensitIVs are doing just that - actually, it's been a while since lucifel's called a live, hasn't it? but he's in the lobby in a nurse outfit, with nya,  and possibly a few other sensitIVs who may or may not have been roped into wearing nurse outfits. it's mystery ]

Ahhh . . . Uhm, good morning, everyone -

[ somewhat nervously, or maybe self-conscious, ]

It's been a while, hasn't it? Not for any good reason either, but - in any case, we thought it would be good to have something like this again . . . that is -

Hello! This is a medical checkup Live, since we've had a rough couple of days. Uhm, if you would like to get a checkup, we'll be here in the lobby! Even if you don't feel it's necessary, we've arranged to have some comforts here, if you'd like to stop by for some self-care, instead!

[ camera swivel to the lobby which has a bunch of dakimakuras (stripped of their covers so you're not looking at lewds) and blankets, some of them raised up like someone's taken boxes to make them into tables and put a blanket over it so it looks nicer. on them are a few kettles and teapots, mismatched like someone gathered pretty much every tea dispenser he could. there are also a few trays of sweets - desserts from the café, as well as fruits to be cut up, as well as like, ice cream and Japanese snacks like purin and senbei. there is probably literally a boxtable that is entirely just mandarin oranges. ]

. . . Uhm . . .

[ with the camera back to lucifel, who looks somewhat conflicted - though overall grateful, ]

Speaking personally for a moment - it was really comforting to have people by my side, yesterday - so thank you . . . Even though I was a mess who couldn't stop crying . . .

. . . And - in the end, it made me feel a lot better, and I understood just then that crying can bring great relief! So - uhm, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen to your troubles, or a lap to rest your head on, or someone to hug or wrestle to get rid of stress - well, I don't know if we're all able to do that here but we'll do our best to help you how we can!

[ and he gives an earnest smile, there ]

I'm still - uhm, learning . . . quite a lot of things, so this is the best I could think of for "self care", but if you have an idea for the future, I'd be most grateful to know it!

[ then, a beat ]

Ahh, but it's understandable that you might not want to relax around some people, so - well - for this reason, we decided against visiting every dorm like we did before, but -

If you'd like one of us to make a housecall to your dorm instead, then please send a text to your preferred healer on duty, and we'll be on the way! If you really can't tolerate any of us, then . . . well, it would be best to get as many points as you can, since this last game was really bad for scars, but - well, in any case, we'll do our best to stay out of your way, so please let us know in advance as well, or otherwise spend some time outside of the lobby, please! We've made a border  -

[ with a gesture to the line of pillows where all dakimakura and blanket and foodnonsense stops  ]

- for you to have a clear walkway, so please bear with our intrusion for the next couple of hours!

[ cheerily. ok lucifel signing off ]

sensitIVs | HOUSECALLS/TEXTS | Bring Your Own Toplevels | TOPLEVELS ONLY

Comments

[sancrimony]

[ he doesn't even know there's a snake pit here

oh tea is nice ]

Busy this way is better than busy in the other way, really.

[ stepping in with a quick "pardon my intrusion" as he pulls off his shoes at the entryway, before walking to him ]

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[Gestures to the empty cube chair across from him, cup of tea in front of it currently belonging to no one]

Sit.

I want to talk to you about yesterday.

[sancrimony]

[ oh dear

carefully sitting down, keeping his skirt smoothed and setting his hands on his lap. sitting in a chair is weirder than sitting on the floor but he'll do his best for the modern master ]

. . . Then, please.

[ with a tip of his head. honestly he has no idea what they could talk about but he doesn't mind reporting it. ?why is he reporting this? new things are on the horizon with master . . . ]

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

I certainly don't claim to understand the endless nuances of what Master and Servant are in your world.

But unless your world is completely fucked up, it must share one commonality with what I do know from mine.

A Master should never feel alone. And I don't. And neither should the Servant.

[sancrimony]

[ technically speaking, true - in fact, if this were a proper contract he'd have a telepathic connection with him, but that's not really possible, here.

and in any case, for him - for ruler, for kotomine shirou, he's always been alone. if one won't support his dream, then he was prepared to put that master down on the chopping block - he did try, even.

but it's different now, and he reflects on that for a moment before speaking. ]

. . . Yes. Certainly, I can agree to that.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

So what do you need from me to make that a reality?

[sancrimony]

[


s


stares at him a little like he doesn't understand the question ]

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

Did I stutter?

[sancrimony]

Ah -

[ startled to life, now ]

- no, simply . . .

. . . I need a moment to think of just how to . . . how to answer that question. I have never thought about something like that before, so - . . .

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

You’ve had other Masters before.

[sancrimony]

. . .

[ a little sheepish, ]

The first died in the final stretch of the War that I was initially summoned in. The second -

That person is an unusual case to be certain, but I . . . well. I made an attempt on their life once before. In terms of distance, by defeating me they had overcome it, but I'm not certain how I proceeded from that point on . . .

[ with a pause, as he rubs at his neck - again, a sheepish motion ]

Strictly speaking, for both of these people - we were connected by a telepathic bond. Moreover, we shared dreams, but -

- both are difficult to emulate here, and I must admit that I'm an unpleasant partner to have for that. If you would still like to take that path, though, I will see what can be done about it . . .

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

["Made an attempt on their life". Ha! Intensity looks positively delighted by the concept]

So you do know your way out of a contract. Good.

[He laces his fingers, resting his chin upon them nonchalantly]

I've no need for a telepathic bond--- and not for the unpleasantness.

[Though he hates it]

Too much like a cheat sheet. There's no challenge to it. Dreams, though--- that's not too hard to meddle with here. As long as you know the right people.

[sancrimony]

[ master ]

. . . I don't sleep in the first place on most nights, but if you would like to take that route, I'll fit that into my schedule.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

I believe this topic started with what you needed, not what I wanted.

Will this ---

[Lifts his head to make a vague hand motion]

Sharing--- Make you feel less alone.

1/ I am so sorry.

[sancrimony]

[ oh right

watching him for a moment, before he looks down and moves to take his teacup, finally - and he brings it up, to take a sip first in thought ]

. . .

. . . In the first place, that solitude is something difficult to take a name to. So, I wonder if it would.

[ with a pause, as he takes another sip and reflects on the taste for a moment ]

For example, a burden that can't be shared.

For example, a lack of understanding from others.

For example, a lack of trust in permanence.

. . .

For example, a lack of vocabulary needed to speak.

[sancrimony]

[ he glances down to the warm liquid, watching the ripple in the surface tension with a wry sort of smile ]

For the first and second, Intensity-sama already understand that which makes up "me". That dream of mine is everything of "me".

. . . but, recently . . . recently, I wonder if it's fine for me to be separate from "me". If I can have this . . . this, for myself.

. . .

[sancrimony]

Forgive me for speaking this way in a moment, it's simply more comfortable to speak as such.

Master, for the sake of "my" dream, "I" would do anything for it. "I" would sacrifice anything for it. "I" lived a life of solitude among people in order to bring that goal into fruition. "I" would do it again - "I" would take your life, if that is what was necessary. This extends to Dia-sama, Whisky-san, Avenger . . . Anubis-san, Aniki, Ani-ue, Sekhmet-san, Abel-san, Artemis-san . . . if there was no other choice in order to fulfill that wish, "I" would most certainly eliminate everyone that stood in "my" way.

[sancrimony]

[ with an abrupt laugh into his cup, soft and light ]

Well, though, I've already said as much before, haven't I? That I'll shelve my dream for now. Right now, Master's rise to the throne is more immediately urgent. Still! I've thought much about the subject, and turned it over quite a lot in my head . . . Master's mission to me, too - what sort of person I want myself to be, how to shape myself to be that person . . . I've been thinking a lot about it.

In the end, the person that is "Lucifel", the one who sits before you, was already a broken glass from the start. I've only recently started to notice my own imperfections, and the cracks that run through. No, not just imperfections - rather, I've realized recently that I'm a fragile person. "Lucifel" is, that is.

So, to be frank, speaking of something like curing my loneliness is embarrassing for me. I'm a mess of a person, I realize, so I can't help but want to cover myself up. So, it's fortunate that you would prefer not to have a telepathic bond - and really, I must say that my own dreams are somewhat shameful to look at, too. There's nothing but nightmares in that path, and there's no need to add misery like that unnecessarily, is there? With that said, though -

[sancrimony]

From the moment we established our contract, I decided that the only person I would absolutely not hide anything from would be you.

[sancrimony]

- Though, Master had also said before - that those in charge of the emotional labor were Dia-sama and Whisky-san and such people. So, reaching around to this point . . . speaking on the matter in front of Master is somewhat difficult. Let's see. It's embarrassing, but let's see . . .

[sancrimony]

. . . It's embarrassing to admit, but the last is simply a matter of growing pains. That isn't a struggle that anyone can take away from me, not without crippling my capability of growing in that direction. So, declining that, and removing the first two, since Intensity-sama is already a person who I've entrusted my burden with - already a person who understands "me" -

So, in the end, it boils down to a lack of trust in permanence. Not just that others will leave me, but . . .

. . . in the end, it is inevitable that "I" will leave. Rather, in some way, there will be a separation. Still, developing as a person with this knowledge in mind -

[sancrimony]

- surprisingly, I'm against it!

[ brightly, with another laugh, a helpless sort of sound ]

done.

[sancrimony]

[ finally,

setting the teacup down on its saucer. ]

Mm, if it's a matter of comfort, so that I don't feel alone anymore - so I can develop something like trust - then, I have a few ideas. I'll ask that you not laugh at me for saying them, since I'm sure they're strange.

1/2

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[Lucifel. That--- That is a lot.

Give him a few moments for that to sink in, closing his eyes briefly as he rolls that all around in his head]

So, in the end, it's about trusting in what you have. And not in the sense that it -- or more accurately they -- will abandon you. But that you, being who you are, will abandon them by your own words and deeds. By your own conviction.

[bluescreenwhitedragon]

[Another pause.

Whew. That is also a lot to swallow. But luckily(?) for Lucifel, this is at least one emotional quandary that Intensity is well versed in]

Feel free to list your ideas. I will not mock you for them.

[And there is a sincerity to that not often found in Intensity's voice]

But also.

If you can't trust yourself to not abandon that which you take comfort in, then know that even after all of this- once Hell is mine to rule, once you've gone on to complete your life's work.

Once you even call someone else by the title Master.

That I will still find you. Still stake claim to a part of you. And if necessity demands, come even when you don't call to make sure that you are operating at your very best. And if that means dragging your emotional support spouses along for the ride, then so be it.