intermission mingle

[idolpro]

Who: people
Where: from outside the game tower to the hotel lobby or around either building
When: Day 50, evening

[ well that was WILD. or maybe not wild for people who decided to be smart and not try to bother monsters.

there are quite a few people milling about now from the game. careful, some of them are monsters. ]

Comments

[columbidaring]

Fair. I didn’t really think about it until it had already happened.

[mapsio]

[ :( concern!! CONCERN!! ]

Of course, of course.... sorry for leaving the dorms.

[mapsio]

[ There is probably Commotion somewhere far away from them, but nothing concerning right now. ]

Being outside for a little while is definitely helping.

[afailedmurder]

[There's a knock on Bad End's door. But when (if?) they open it, no one seems to be outside...?]

[awakenerd]

I guess that's... Reasonable. I'm glad you didn't get hurt.

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[awakenerd]

[Ah. Well. He quietly holds his arms up for the bandaging and doesn't react much to the touches but he definitely isn't unaware of them.]

Sorry. I didn't mean to worry you.

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[motorcycle_noises]

I know you didn't. I just wish you took care of your own emotional needs half as well as you take care of everyone else's.

[ He's concentrating very hard on what he's doing even as he's talking. ]

[crossmyheartandhope]

It's cool. Just, uh... try and lay low, okay?

Re: BAD END=DEAD END 1/2

[awakenerd]

I'm not doing a great job of that if you're worrying this much. Sorry.

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[awakenerd]

....I don't... Think I'm doing anything I can't handle. It's just everyone is having a rough time, has been having a rough time, and I'm pretty good at calming myself down, so I'd rather not make a big deal out of anything I can handle myself.

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[motorcycle_noises]

Phoenix. Phoenix. There is literally no way you would let me get away with that same logic. Why don't you give yourself a break once in a while? Just because you can handle your burden on your own doesn't mean you have to. Please. Talk to someone. Even if it's not me.

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[awakenerd]

I...

[Actually well that's. True. He moves a hand to scrub his face with his palm.]

You're right. But I don't know what to say.

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[motorcycle_noises]

It's not easy. I know that.

[ He's quiet for a moment. ]

Why don't you find one thing that's bothering you and try and put it into words?

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[awakenerd]

One thing...

[Ha! He leans back on the shitty couch.]

Right now I hate feeling helpless to do anything for our unit, I hate not even knowing if half of them are alive, and I hate even more that I'm almost relieved not to be part of this directly.

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[motorcycle_noises]

[ He's going to capture one of Phoenix's hands and lace their fingers together. They can hold hands while talking. ]

Those are some very relatable feelings.

[ Especially that last one. ]

Being sidelined is really frustrating, isn't it?

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[awakenerd]

[Squeezing his fingers!]

Yeah. Incredibly. But worse than feeling underfoot and in the way is... I don't know. Feeling guilty that I'm glad that I'm not going through it?

That's not quite it. I mean. I do understand that being involved would just be one more person to worry about for everyone else. But I still feel like I should be... Helping, somehow, in solidarity in some way. And if I were smarter I could figure out the right things to say or do to give everyone else a bit of courage or a bit of relief.

Instead, I'm kind of scared I'm the one being looked after.

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[motorcycle_noises]

I think... Maybe sometimes there is no right answer. And it sucks, especially when you're such an empathetic person. Wanting to help but not being able to... it's painful.

[ He pauses, then adds-- ]

Is it really so bad to be the one looked after? It's not as though you're not still looking after everyone else. It can be a mutual thing.

[we_meet_again]

I was a little curious so I snuck off somewhere private to try it out. I think I might be a coeurl...?

[crossmyheartandhope]

A what?

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[awakenerd]

It's not... Bad. Per se.

...

[Hm. He has come to a realization and he doesn't like it, so he's frowning a bit, looking at their joined hands and forces himself to actually vocalize it, quietly.]

I just feel like I don't deserve it.

And I don't want to be told that I do or anything. It's more like in myself, i feel like I've failed enough or not lived up to my own standards enough, that I've accidentally hurt people or intentionally done things... That it feels like, the things I'm feeling aren't on the same level, they're things I brought on myself and I should just... Deal with them, myself.

Like, if I can't deal with my own shit, or fix my own messes, it isn't fair to ask anyone else to help.

[we_meet_again]

A coeurl...?

You know, those big spotted cat guys with the electricity...?

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[motorcycle_noises]

I don't.... actually think it's about whether or not you deserve it, whether or not you or anyone else believes you do. The people who love you will want to be there for you because they love you. Your feelings are every bit as important to them as theirs are to you.

And... you really shouldn't try and compare your feelings to someone else's. "My feelings aren't as valid as their feelings, aren't as worthy." Why not? What puts your feelings on a lower level?

[crossmyheartandhope]

With the... electricity...

[This is the blankest look.]

Re: BAD END=DEAD END

[awakenerd]

[He rubs at his face and is quite for a bit because he knows "because I'm a murderer" is like, wrong, on a lot of levels, and also dumb to say to someone else who was a murderer by force but it's also part of how he feels and it's frustrating.]

...Nothing logical.

[we_meet_again]

...No?

Well, uh, they're these huge cats that are yellow with black spots and three manes. They have long electric whiskers like whips coming out of their cheeks. And they run stupidly fast... one of the fastest land animals, I think?