MEMORIESSSS

[wotanon]

Who: Idols
Where: Wherever
When: Day 449

[ Time to remember. ]

Comments

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

[ He does not move from
his spot when he calls his name: ]

Xiao.

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

[of course he hears him. and there's that name again: his name, though he doesn't remember it yet.

he doesn't move. on one hand, he's very definitely just like, very still, with all the body language of a bird poised for flight. on the other hand, he hasn't tried to go anywhere yet, which is at least...not terrible?]

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

[ He still does not move - giving Xiao the opportunity to flee if he so chooses ]

You do not always have to face everything alone, my friend.

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

[he's not fleeing quite yet. but he doesn't know what to say. the idea of not facing anything alone is...not familiar. it seems wrong.]

...shouldn't I?

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

Perhaps I should phrase it in another way.

Do you wish to?

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

[after a long moment.]

'...wish to?'

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

Yes.

Most of your life a choice was made for you instead of you decided what you wanted for yourself.

I am offering you the chance to choose what you want.

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

[to himself] Desire is the root of suffering. [very Buddhist. Zhongli would probably recognize it.

and then after a long moment.]

...I don't know what...

[what he wants, he means.]

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

What your old master did to you was a terrible thing. I thought - perhaps selfishly - that it would be a mercy to not have to live under such a weight even if it was only for a short time.

I had not imagined the cruelty with which they would return such memories to you.

If you need more time for yourself, here I will wait for you. If you wish for company, here I will stay.

If you wish for me to make that choice for you, know that I attempt to do so with your best interest in heart.

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

...I repeated that sin. [he means of killing while under external influence.] Is it cruelty to remember now?

[and let's not address literally any of the rest of it about his best interest or his trauma or anything like that.]

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

Isn't that the cruelty of it? To pick at a wound while it is still fresh and yet to mend.

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

[is it cruelty if he deserves it?]

...perhaps it was necessary for me to know, now.

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

And why would you think that?

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

...given what I did?

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

I will not object to you wishing to take responsibility for your actions. That is a path that you alone must walk.

But I will not condone you thinking that you deserve cruelty.

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

[just kind of going to stare at the ground.

of course he is going to take responsibility. but the rest of it??]

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

Come sit with me. For a little while.

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

[after a long moment, comes down from the tree.]

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

[ He waits patiently, with hands folded in his lap to see if Xiao will come sit next to him. ]

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

[he does, if...awkwardly.]

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

Do you wish to talk about what happened at the last game?

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

....[after a very long moment.]

I failed to stay alive, [of course he puts it like that, as his failing a duty!] and then I...lost my mind.

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[leaveofabsence]

Do you believe you had a choice in the matter?

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

[gravitydefier]

I don't understand what difference that would make.