imeeji_frontstage | MEMORIESSSS

[ Many hours later, he sits under the trees in the park that Sakura tends to favor and he waits.

Best to at least meet his adeptus half-way. ]

[it takes a while for Sakura to work his way around to there. he doesn't yet notice Zhongli, sitting under the tree that's near the one he's perching in, or else he probably would have bolted.

he does seem to be out of breath.]

[ He does not move from
his spot when he calls his name: ]

Xiao.

[of course he hears him. and there's that name again: his name, though he doesn't remember it yet.

he doesn't move. on one hand, he's very definitely just like, very still, with all the body language of a bird poised for flight. on the other hand, he hasn't tried to go anywhere yet, which is at least...not terrible?]

[ He still does not move - giving Xiao the opportunity to flee if he so chooses ]

You do not always have to face everything alone, my friend.

[he's not fleeing quite yet. but he doesn't know what to say. the idea of not facing anything alone is...not familiar. it seems wrong.]

...shouldn't I?

Perhaps I should phrase it in another way.

Do you wish to?

[after a long moment.]

'...wish to?'

Yes.

Most of your life a choice was made for you instead of you decided what you wanted for yourself.

I am offering you the chance to choose what you want.

[to himself] Desire is the root of suffering. [very Buddhist. Zhongli would probably recognize it.

and then after a long moment.]

...I don't know what...

[what he wants, he means.]

What your old master did to you was a terrible thing. I thought - perhaps selfishly - that it would be a mercy to not have to live under such a weight even if it was only for a short time.

I had not imagined the cruelty with which they would return such memories to you.

If you need more time for yourself, here I will wait for you. If you wish for company, here I will stay.

If you wish for me to make that choice for you, know that I attempt to do so with your best interest in heart.

...I repeated that sin. [he means of killing while under external influence.] Is it cruelty to remember now?

[and let's not address literally any of the rest of it about his best interest or his trauma or anything like that.]

Isn't that the cruelty of it? To pick at a wound while it is still fresh and yet to mend.

[is it cruelty if he deserves it?]

...perhaps it was necessary for me to know, now.

And why would you think that?

...given what I did?

I will not object to you wishing to take responsibility for your actions. That is a path that you alone must walk.

But I will not condone you thinking that you deserve cruelty.

[just kind of going to stare at the ground.

of course he is going to take responsibility. but the rest of it??]

Come sit with me. For a little while.

[after a long moment, comes down from the tree.]

[ He waits patiently, with hands folded in his lap to see if Xiao will come sit next to him. ]

[he does, if...awkwardly.]

Do you wish to talk about what happened at the last game?

....[after a very long moment.]

I failed to stay alive, [of course he puts it like that, as his failing a duty!] and then I...lost my mind.

Do you believe you had a choice in the matter?

Re: day 450, witness ok, cws: nonsexual coercion, torture, murder, enslavement

gravitydefier - 2022-04-12 21:58 (UTC) - Expand