Mingle time!

[heavyliesthecrown]

Who: Idols
Where: Everywhere
When: Day 443; Whenever

[ So I heard we got some newbies. Let's release them into the wild! ]

Comments

[sangreine]

This never happened before. [ And, as he knows at least some of, she is often not in her own bed. ]

[ She looks up at him, inhaling a touch sharply, looking as alarmed as she can be right now -- which is to say, mildly. ] You're not taking me to my room, are you?

[at_heart]

[ Yeah, he's irritated with himself for not thinking about this. It isn't that he hadn't noticed, but he was so sure she must've just been sleeping in her dorm on some of the other nights. ] [ And. Uh. ]

—How about... we start with the lobby. And you tell me what's wrong with your dorm?

[ Gently, but. This isn't like Kit asking not to be sent back to sIV with an injury. She will start disappearing if she stays out here, and...

...and yeah. Someday, he's going to find someone outside the hotel who wants to disappear, but that's not what this is. Right? ]

[sangreine]

[ She had been, until recently, going back to the dorm every so often, enough to hold this off. But then. ]

With the dorm...? Nothing.

[ It's not the dorm, it's her room. And she knew it was ridiculous which is why she didn't say anything, but she can't feel shame or embarrassment now, so. ]

[at_heart]

...with your room, then.

[ He's both relaxing and not relaxing. Because it's better that it's not the whole dorm, better for her, but also... maybe more personally concerning. ]

[sangreine]

It reminds me of something I don't want to remember.

[ A little pause as she waits for a flood of unpleasantness that doesn't come. So, okay. ]

The person who said they were afraid of me. [ Yeah, that. ]

[at_heart]

[ —Damn. Lupine struggles with himself for a few seconds, then sighs softly. ]

Sorry. [ Beat. Offers, with a crooked smile, ] —Think it'd help to redecorate?

[sangreine]

I tried that. Caeli won me a bunch of plushies.

[ What, you thought she'd take a joke? ]

I told them things I never thought I'd admit to anyone. [ Subject whiplash, courtesy of sofaform ]

[at_heart]

[ Chews the inside of his cheek for a few seconds. ]

That's — hard.

[sangreine]

Yeah.

[ a few beats ]

They seemed pretty freaked after watching that one memory, so I was trying to let them know I understand, that I'm angry too and I'd want to see the person who did all that suffer for it. It didn't help. [ This is the slowest, sleepiest rambling ever. ]

I should really stop talking to people when I'm upset, because another time I was mad at someone else and I blurted out -- [ you'll want to interrupt this before it really gets uncomfortable -- yes, it gets worse. Of course it does. ]

[at_heart]

[ Look, he doesn't mind hearing uncomfortable things, but he doesn't love the idea that she'll regret it later. So, cutting her off: ]

Hold that thought.

[ Beat. ]

At least until you're feeling more like yourself, and you know whether or not you actually want to tell me whatever you were about to say.

[sangreine]

...Oh. That makes sense.

[ Hmm, she doesn't know how to interpret being stopped because what are feelings ]

Is it so bad, what I said? [ The one she already coughed up, about wanting to suffer for slaughtering a whole village of people plus a squad of soldiers. ]

[at_heart]

[ His expression flickers, thinking over the exact words she said, and then Lupine pauses. ]

...When you say 'the person who did that should suffer', you mean you, don't you.

[sangreine]

Yeah.

[ She tenses, like she knows she should be upset about this. ]

Is that so wrong? Given what I did.

[at_heart]

[ Pushes out a slow, soft breath. ]

I mean, I don't know about wrong. Seems unfair to me, but — it's not my memory. I can't tell you how to feel about it.

[ ...He needs to get her inside soon, but Lupine hesitates to actually enter the hotel just yet. ]

—Can't speak for the person you were talking to, either, and I realize it might not be easy for you to really put yourself in anyone else's shoes right now, but... can you try to imagine something for me?

[sangreine]

It seems exactly fair. I made them suffer.

[ But, okay. She shrugs as best she can while being carried. ] Okay, I'll try.

[at_heart]

[ He still doesn't agree with you that you were fully in control of yourself — you seemed so out of it, almost spellbound, and without more context he's inclined to blame the guy in the suit — but he knows that's a losing argument. ]

Thanks, I appreciate it.

[ Smallest beat. ]

If I said to you, "I want to suffer," do you think you'd find that comforting?

[sangreine]

[ She thinks for a long moment. ]

Probably not comforting. But it would matter what you were talking about.

[at_heart]

Are you sure about that?

[ Gently, for all that gentleness probably doesn't matter to her right now. ]

What if this other person said it? Even after they told you they'd done something horrible. You really care about them, don't you? [ Smallest pause. ] We tend to not want the people we care about to suffer, even if it might be just.

[sangreine]

Of course it's not what I'd want for them. But if I care about them I can't just say they're wrong for what they're feeling.

[ This is very Kitsu-related, in case anyone perceptive is seeing massive overlap there. ]

[at_heart]

[ Well, it certainly reminds him of what's been going on with Kit enough for Lupine's expression to sour, but he cinches his eyes shut and focuses. ]

Did they? Tell you you were wrong for feeling like that, I mean.

[sangreine]

Pretty much. Basically it couldn't have gone worse.

But I wanted to know if they could handle everything with me and now I guess I know.

[at_heart]

Hey.

[ Ducks his head to meet her eyes. ]

If they can't, they're missing out.

[sangreine]

If you say so. [ Very much unconvinced, but also doesn't have the energy to argue. ]

Between this and that second memory I got, I didn't want to be by myself. Which is the other reason I wasn't staying in my room.

[at_heart]

[ His smile shifts, then his gaze slips away. Well, it was between saying that and hoping that maybe Zari had misinterpreted what this person (maybe Nemesis, maybe Zari's so fantastically unlucky that she's had two heartbreaks in her short time in Imeeji) was saying, or that they come around. Swing and a miss. ]

Well, there's nothing wrong with wanting company. We just have to find you someplace in your dorm that you don't mind sleeping right now.

[sangreine]

[ Usually she'd at least act cheered up, if only for show, but right now she can't do that and she can't actually be happy, so you get cold hard reality, which is that she thinks people have a very good reason to be afraid of her. ]

The stormy room, I guess. The garden plants are all poisonous so it's not the best idea to sleep there.