imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

Don't be too honored, one good swallow and you'd be done for. That stuff is basically jet fuel. But it sure worked on me and Venti. [ Bless, she sure did need it. ]

[ Usually she sits tucked with her legs curled up one way or another, but right now she stretches out and crosses her ankles, palms down in the sand behind her to prop her up. She's not so drunk anymore, mostly tired. ]

It's a short story, but boring. Trust me, there are better things to talk about. [ she glances over and her eyes are more red than one evening of alcohol could explain, so he can draw some conclusions from that. ]

[ A soft snort. ]

Yeah, yeah. I know. Your metabolisms are way beyond my mortal ken. [ But with a smile, because no hard feelings. ] It's a hypothetical sacrifice, anyway, so it's literally the thought that counts.

[ Beat. He leans in just enough so that their shoulders bump, then leans back again. ]

Why don't you try me? It's even a short story, right?

I didn't mean it like that. I just don't want anyone else getting hurt because of me. [ She does that more than enough as it is. Despite the perhaps heavy content, this part comes off as entirely casual, almost flippant. ]

[ She sighs, can't she just comfort him instead? That would feel a lot better than picking over her failures. Drinking made her ridiculous feelings all far away and floaty like a flyaway leaf, and now that she's coming down she just wants to stomp on it until it's nothing but crunch beneath her boot. ]

[ But having very recently experienced the particular rejection of someone being evasive, she can't bring it in her to do it to him. ] Things crashed and burned with someone I thought I was starting to care a lot about. They've been shoving me away, I tried to give them space, but they can't even look at me. They asked me to be honest, so I told them I needed to know whether they see me as a bad substitute for someone they lost, and they refused to answer. [ So that was pretty telling. ]

I don't know if I just don't understand human feelings or what, but this sucks.

[ He flicks a smile at her for the first part, shaking his head a tiny bit. ]

Well, I did mean it like that, and it's fine. You guys don't have to apologize for being made of sterner stuff. It'd be silly to get a bruised ego over being out-drank by you two. [ Beat. ] And I'd have missed out on a pretty great night if it bothered me.

[ Please appreciate the less-tsun phrasing. He resisted a very powerful urge to call it an 'okay' night, specifically because he didn't want you to think you were being undervalued when you're already feeling crummy. ]

Edited 2022-01-13 12:33 (UTC)

[ But she keeps talking, and he goes quiet. Eventually, he utters a low whistle. ]

No, I'd... say you understand human feelings pretty well, Zari.

[ Retrieves a big, smooth pebble from the shore, then straightens back up again. Rolling the stone between his fingers. Turning over what he wants to say in his head. ]

This place — it's pretty intense, you know? Forget life or death, there's a lot of... life and death here. And not a lot of us. I think...

[ Tosses the stone to himself, snatches it out of the air. ]

I think it's probably easy to get attached to people really, really fast here. You go through so much together. Fear, adrenaline, pain, death. We're gonna crash into each other. And yeah, sometimes — we're gonna burn.

Edited 2022-01-13 12:40 (UTC)

[ As usual, he's not wrong. There is a comfort in knowing it's not just her, but it also changes very little. Getting so invested so quickly is not only juvenile and counterproductive, it's reckless for something like her. ] But I can't crash and burn. [ So all that's left is not letting it happen again. ]

[ After a short moment, ] That was a great night. [ She needs more of those, uncomplicated and easy in a way that makes her feel less alone for a little while, and less trying to force someone to fit into whatever her hemorrhaging feelings are trying to demand. It's dangerous on a number of levels. ]

[ ...Doesn't love the sound of that, and he bites his tongue on the impulse to tell her — what, that that's not something she can control? That it's not dangerous for someone like her? ] [ What if, instead, he just — slings an arm around her, gives her a quick side-squeeze. It doesn't last, but he needs to... do it. ]

Heh, well. I think everyone involved's probably up for another any time.

[ The little squeeze helps substantially more than meaningless platitudes, especially ones that she wouldn't believe. Knowing how he is with touch, it means all the more that he'd offer some when she needs it. ]

I was hoping so. [ She needs to get herself under better control, but being with people who she doesn't have intense and complicated feelings for, who know what is and what she can do, who let her burn off some restless energy and give her a sense of calm, however brief, doesn't seem like it would do anything but make matters worse. If she has to be entirely isolated, she'll lose her mind irrespective of falling for someone. ]

...I accidentally saw your memories while I was down by the water. Sorry. I was too out of it to turn off the phone in time. [ Why she blurts that out right then, who can say? Logic of a still-buzzed vampire. ]

[ He was hoping it'd — connect that way. His hand settles back down on the little ground between them, and he starts to offer her one sort of grin — before it just freezes a little on his face.

Lupine blinks, then hitches up a very different smile. ]

That's okay. If I was really trying to keep them to myself, I would've shelled out the extra points for privacy.

Do you want to get into it? Or would you prefer to discuss ménage à trois, past and future? [ She's perfectly willing to help process that memory, but this is his out of he wants one. The last thing she's going to do is press. ]

[ That — honestly startles him a little, and his head drops forward while his shoulders shake. Silent laughter. After a moment, looking up at her again, ]

Well. I did just remember a pretty decent cookie recipe.

[ He doesn't even know where to start with the memories, but if she saw this one, it seems safe enough? ]

You know I'm not going to argue with any discussion involving cookies. [ She's not sure if that's a dodge or easing into things, but time will tell. ]

[ She's a little fuzzy on the details since drunk and all, actually, so it won't be difficult to sway the conversation one way or the other. ]

[ His lips turn up and he gets to his feet. ]

Let's head back to the hotel, then. [ Beat. ] —And if you really wanna hear about it, we can talk on the way.

[ Which is. His way of saying he'd definitely like to talk about it. ]

[ Sounds like about as much of a request to talk as she's going to get from Lupine, so she nods. Then she yanks her boots off since they're wet and uncomfortable and slings them over her shoulder so she can walk without being irritated. She'd have to walk across actual glass to get hurt, so it's fine. ]

I can't promise I won't offer tidbits of buzzed wisdom. [ Translation: yes, I am perfectly happy to talk about it but am being snarky so you don't get uncomfortable. ]

[ There's the littlest bit of tension seeping out of his shoulders. ]

Did you see all three, or...?

Yeah. [ It's a little fuzzy, but she doesn't suppose that matters much. What matters is letting him talk. His memories aren't something she wants to delve deeper into than he chooses to tell her freely. ]

...heh. Well, the first one wasn't so bad. I guess that's the kid from my first memory. We must've kept in touch, at least for a while.

Mm. Seems reasonable. [ She doesn't know what else to say, because any inference that it might be a good thing to have a long term friendship like that feels like jinxing things. ] It's hard to think who we might have out there that we can't remember yet.

[ that 'yet' is entirely for his benefit. ]

[ Yeah, he goes quiet again for a bit. ]

Well, whatever I left the city for, he didn't go with me.

[ She waits, then waits again after he speaks to see if there's something more. But what could there be? Blindly grappling at options when there's no way to know will drive anyone crazy. ]

It's no use guessing about why not. You'll have it sooner or later. [ She doesn't know any such thing, but it's certainly possible, and is the more comforting of the options. ]

...Yeah. I know.

[ He rubs the back of his neck, slow. ]

—I'm blaming this on that amateur-therapy game. [ Cracks a smile for her. ] We had to talk about our memories in there, and some of it — didn't completely suck.

[ Ugh, that sounds horrendous. She'd rather be tortured in physical ways, she'd handle pointy things far better than honest conversation. ]

Nothing like a little light torment to make with the epiphanies, I guess.

Heh. I mean, some people's were definitely worse than others. There were snowy wastelands, and caves with jagged rocks pointed at your neck, and long hallways into dark basements...

Mine was pretty straightforward, I think.

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