imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

I do not need anything per say. I was simply... a little surprised by the memory, and thought to check on you.

[ There is a pause. ]

Of course... you do not need to speak about any of it if you do not desire to. I would not dream of forcing you when you are so anxious.

[ . . . ]

But. . . You needn't feel so anxious around me, you know? It is only me.

Hm? Did I come across as anxious?

[He says as his anxiety spikes.]

. . . I can feel it. Your anxiety. I can feel it and know it to be yours but am experiencing it myself.

-You what?

[sorry was that anxiety now it's fear]

[ The rise in his panic causes him to frown. He tries for a hopeful, soothing smile. ]

Your feelings. You are... radiating your feelings right now. It is as though they are pouring off you like water and flooding the surrounding area.

[ Is the best way he can think to describe it. ]

Perhaps it would be better if we find a place a little less busy?

[For some reason, that fear absolutely doesn't abate, even if he puts on a smile.]

In that case, it's probably better if I leave entirely.

Edited 2022-01-12 01:59 (UTC)

If we go together, and someone appears I can waylay them, if it helps?

. . . While I do not think you have anything to feel ashamed of, having your emotions felt, I understand it is rather personal. I can at least walk you home?

[None effect on fear.]

I can handle myself, Tsukasa.

I will allow you the grace of escaping.

[ Lifting a hand to rest it upon Izzy's shoulder. ]

But I would like you to remember that there is no shame in being afraid or anxious. And neither is there any shame in depending on your friends from time to time. I did say this inside your... well, I am not sure that it was your heart. But I did say we are all here for you. Please do not forget. I care about you as a dear friend.

[His shoulder is Super Tense.]

...

You saw that memory, and you're still saying there's no shame to be had? That's rich.

Please do not forget that I live with Hades-san.

[ HADES OF ALL PEOPLE. ]

Perhaps there are things in your past that you have done or said that you are not proud of. But the you of the present is different from the you of the past. All of us continue to grow. Human beings are not stagnant, unable to learn from mistakes or change how we think or feel, even if some of us have beliefs that we have etched into our hearts. Or... because we acted out of desperation and fear.

[ He does release his shoulder, though. ]

I will say it again-- there is no shame in depending on your friends. All we can do with our pasts is move forward from them and learn from them. Seeing the you of the past does not change how I feel regarding the you of the present.

How can you be so sure I'm different from then?

It's not like it's hard to fool people.

[As the memory itself showed.]

Intuition~! ♪

I am a good judge of character. ☆

But more than that. You have aided me numerous times in the past when there was no gain in it for you. And I have been witness to your work before. Frequently, you work yourself to the bone attempting to help others at the very expense of yourself.

What is more, your feelings in the game were not made up for that rascal of a man. While I still do not understand his appeal, if nothing else, the fact that you care for him so deeply now is proof enough to me.

Can you really say there isn't any gain? Look at you, so willing to sing my praises even after I took a knife to someone for no apparently reason.

[ A huff at him. ]

Do you ever stop? I just said that the very same person you were perhaps antagonistic toward before, is the same person who managed to drag you outside of that violent dream of yours.

We all had a glimpse of your feelings back then. And now, you wouldn't feel so ashamed and scared right now if you were trying to deceive me.

What I do not understand is why you are trying so hard to push your friends away. It shall not work, and so you might as well give up because you are already behind.

[Opens mouth

Closes mouth]

I hate this.

[He is SO ANNOYED at this stupid effect.]

[ . . . Gentler, now, frowning... ]

I am sorry...

[ For how intrusive it is. For adding to his frustrations. His ears lower and his tail lies flat against him. ]

Right now I am only upsetting you. But it is truly not my intention.

It would be less upsetting if I wasn't around anyone, period.

[Or at least, not upsetting in the same way.]

[ Bending over in a slight bow. ]

Then let us part here for the moment. We can speak later when you are not suffering strange effects.

...Yeah.

[Scratching a little awkwardly at his arm - there's some loneliness, but nothing he isn't used to.

Turning to take his leave.]

[ . . . . . ]

Are... Are you sure you will be okay? I know you said you wanted to be alone...

[ But you feel... a little differently. ]

I am good at filling up silence. Or--! Ah... perhaps--

[ Taking out his phone. ]

May I recommend something?

[Mildly displeased with his emotions being read like this - but then curious as he takes out his phone.]

What.

Do you recall Leo-san at all? Perhaps you never interacted much. I believe he went by Shishiou and Hoshi at different points.

[ Still searching through his phone. ]

He was the former leader of my unit before the crown was passed onto me. Which means he also knew Sena-senpai... or rather, Veles-san as you know him.

Leo-san is eccentric. A bizarre wei- no. A unique individual. The reality is that he is a genious composer.

[ He begins the process of sending a number of songs over. ]

His music has the ability to evoke emotions and calm the soul. I find that, whenever I begin to feel lonely or am overwhelmed if I put my headphones on and close my eyes and simply listen to the music, I feel much calmer.

Perhaps... it would help? I will send a variety. From some of his classical compositions to some of the music he has written for various units.

. . . There is a backgammon soundtrack that I especially connect with. Perhaps it will not connect the same for you, it is quite strange. But you never know?

[ Backgammon, specifically, has a number of strange songs. In particular, is a song of someone contradictorily saying how much he hates and loves his king, sometimes near-incomprehensible as the artist shouts and seemingly cries, as though their soul is screaming and they can't find their place or way. If you listen to it closely enough, though, it seems like... the person the singer truly hates most of all is themself. ]

Maybe none of the music will help at all. But listening to Leo-san's music always gives me peace.

[ As though he isn't the only person in the world who has the same chaotic and self-loathing thoughts. Or that he isn't alone, and can find some peace. Each song has its own flavor, in the end. ]

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