Everyone's a Critic - Live!

[scattershot]

Who: Alisaie, Izanagi, Thorn, and Critically-Inclined Idols
Where: Outside OiOi
When: Day 380


[Alisaie, flanked by Izanagi and Thorn, is sitting in front of a table covered in all sorts of interesting idol-themed delights.]

Good day, Imeeji. That is how we should start these things, right? I'm here to show off some of the many delights to be found in OiOi - in the basement, which now that I think on it was perhaps some kind of a warning.

Firstly, there are these.

[She holds up a collection of… somewhat NSFW mousepads featuring D.Va, Gladio and Alexander. Alexander is wearing a bunny suit for some reason?]

I have been informed that this is something called a "mouse pad". I'm also assured they have nothing to do with actual mice, but actual mice would have more taste. They come in three distinct flavors, depending on personal preference, and every single one of them is an aesthetic nightmare. Don't worry if you're feeling left out - we're all represented, to greater or lesser degrees of accuracy. For example:

[Yes, Alisaie has one of her own as well and she holds it up for inspection. There are two rather prominent differences.]

I think we can all see the problem here. Two stars out of five for commitment to equal opportunities and that's because I'm feeling generous.

[She hands them over to Thorn for "disposal".]

Best place for them, really. Next, we have this wonderful collection of doujinshi. The quality varies quite widely, as does the content. For instance, we have this book, which is about… two people I don't recognize working in a coffee shop and holding hands under the counter. Oh, and there's also a deformed ground squirrel. The worst anybody could get out of this is a syrup crisis. Three and a half stars.

[Placing it back on the table, she holds up another book with a deceptively benign cover.]

And then there's this, in which Hurricane runs riot with an axe for no adequately explained reason. It's eighty pages long and the artist is either a diligent student of anatomy or should be on a watch list. Half a star for the artwork.

[She tosses it to Thorn.]

Moving on, we have these.

[What do you have under the table, Alisaie? Oh, it's a body pillow.

[It has C on it.]

Four out of five stars for comfort, one out of five for practicality, five out of five for sheer creativity. I suppose I can see a use case for this, though it's certainly very particular. We're all represented, again, though some of us would seem to be rather more ready to sleep than others.

[She props it back up behind her.

[Hands Thorn another mouse mat.]

So, everybody… which was your favorite? And what do you think of your depiction?

[Izanagi smoothly steps in with a wink.]

And for those of you who would rather spare your eyes from the horror of your merch, orrrr just want a nice break, this bonfire happens to be great for warming up and even toasting a marshmallow or two while you take out the trash! So come get a little self-care in, for both the mind and the body!


[OOC: Joint Heart Soldier/Bad End/sensitIV HEATED live! 950 points for those three units, 700 for all others!]

Comments

[bondsofsuffering]

[In case anyone thought he was joking, he does in fact have sticks and some bags of marshmallows and is currently roasting one over the fire.]

[scattershot]

Of course, now we have to worry about the fumes these things give off.

[bondsofsuffering]

I'll put a stop to it quick if people put in anything that'd cause a bad chemical reaction.

[doublefried]

The thing I don't love about my merch here is that I'm pretty sure it actually violates pre-existing arrangements that exist regarding who can legally use my image for profit and how they can do it.

[scattershot]

So it's bootleg on top of everything else?

[doublefried]

It's sure unlicensed material.

[shutthefoxup]

I'll take the C body pillow.

[scattershot]

I had a funny feeling that someone would want it.

[Hefts it across the table!]

[shutthefoxup]

There's nothing funny about it. He's the sweetest, cutest person in all of imeeji.

[weenwoon]

[.............okay UH first of all he didn't need to see the Alexander pad, but also]

...If there are... things of me and, um, Absinthe... I'd appreciate it if you could get rid of those that are more unsavory.

[There might be some... uncomfortable doujins. Like, murder and cannibalism kind of uncomfortable. Don't read, just chuck them straight into the bonfire.]

[scattershot]

[Nobody needed to see the Alexander pad.

[It is on fire now.

[Mercifully.]

Hmm... I believe I saw a couple?

[Ah yes, here they are.]

Well, the covers seem tame enough. Not that that means anything.

[weenwoon]

[Rubs at his face tiredly!!]

Things were bad enough that he got rid of things he received.

[...... But, also,]

...but let me see just in case.

[Like WHAT IF the doujins are actually good or sexy? Taking one of them and very cautiously lifting some pages to peek--okay no nope that one is bad. He pales and frowns, then just nudges it straight into the fire. Byeeeee fuckos]

[420blazeit]

Ack! Don’t get rid of the mousepads!!! I’ll take them all!

[ she enjoys collecting merch of herself, but also Valour might like the alexander one and gladio is a hunk, ok! ]

[scattershot]

Oh. Really?

There's more in the basement. A lot more.

[420blazeit]

I'm not the least bit surprised. I don't think I ever took the time to walk around this mall, but it's certainly got an interesting selection of stuff, huh?

[justfuckingtryit]

[Th bonfire is very large, and he is in the process of putting in a doujinshi that features Cobalt and a lot of blood directly into it]

Some of these are bullshit.

[scattershot]

That's putting it mildly. Apparently all one has to do is breathe the possibility one might be a twin and people go completely overboard.

[justfuckingtryit]

Sounds like you're speaking from experience.

[liarliarliar]

I want the C--oh its gone.

[scattershot]

There are more downstairs, I believe?

[liarliarliar]

I just wanted to make sure it didn't get tossed in the fire. I would have been offended.

[romanticlove]

[She's not surprised by all the weird merchandise, honestly. Part of her is a little amused, and glad there might not be anything of her or her parents. She might laugh it off easier if it were her parents, at the very least.]

I'm usually never a fan of how these depict me because it's usually embarrassing. When I'm not being dressed in nurse costumes, I'm doing inappropriate things to people I care about. That said, if no one has taken the Gladio mouse pad I'll take it. He'd probably find it funny and add it to his fan mail collection.

[scattershot]

Ah, I'm afraid that one met with a premature end. But I do have some spares.

[Holds it out.]

I'm glad that he can see the humor in it. I'm not sure that I could ever be quite so easygoing, but mayhap 'tis different when it's family they're targeting.

[romanticlove]

Oh, that'd be great! Thank you. I can give it to him next time I see him.

[Going to pocket it for now, very pleased with herself.]

I'm not very good at seeing the humor or the appeal in most of these... but if they make other people happy, it can't be all bad. Maybe there's something nice in the basement like a figure or one of those plushie dolls? The plushies that you can get from the claw machines in the arcade are usually my favorite.

[neigh_sayer]

[popping up behind them somehow]

All correct critiques, bravo, bravo!