imeeji_frontstage | time keeps on slippin, slippin into a mingle

[A small flash of concern crosses her face.]

If you want anything else, you can get it. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with leftovers. I’d rather make sure you have enough than worry about having too much.

[Gf... good... He smiles before leaning over to kiss her cheek.]

Thank you, Renny. I don't suppose they can deliver salads or something of the sort here? I've been mostly eating fast food lately, and that can't be very good for me.

[BF CUTE. The cutest.]

I’m sure they would. Although—- honestly, I’m sure the diet can wait at least until tomorrow.

[Maybe they are both, cute? That gets a small chuckle from him.]

I suppose, yes. Then... I do want a salad, but also a burger.

[He’s the cutest, but they can both be cute yes.]

Heehee. Alright— coming right up!

[She quick places the order for them.]

...in return, you can share with me what’s been on your mind lately.

[He smiles a little - it's kind of endearing how Serenity just won't let up and let him hide from Talking About Things. But maybe that's what he needs sometimes, too.]

...A lot of things, truly. I'm not quite certain where to start... and I wouldn't want to worry you too much.

[But even as he says that, the conversations he's had with Lily and Glacies come to his mind. And hasn't even Levity himself scolded others for not letting their friends and loved ones take care of them?

He's quiet for some time, gathering his thoughts, staring half-absently at the floor. But eventually...]

I don't... quite feel like myself lately. It's been there from the start, truly, but it's only grown stronger over time... and now I know one of the reasons why.

[Levity pulls his feet up, half-hugging his knees, trying to gather his resolve to once again put it to words.]

It's... well...

[...]

...I'm--dead, you see. And so is... everyone...

[He trails off, his gaze once again lost in the distance, his expression growing more dispassionate. Turns out it's hard to talk about these things!]

[It is a shock, to say the least-- one that hits hard. Serenity doesn't hide the raw pain on her face when she looks at him. She rests her weight against him, fingers tightly gripping the edges of his clothes... as if it can keep him there.

Her voice is small, delicate. Like the words threaten to break her. But he needs to hear this. She wants him to know.]

...remember before when I told you this isn't the first time I've had amnesia? [...] My first memory in this place was of my "death". I was on one of the highest floors of a building when a canon nearly obliterated it. And that's why... I hate being buried alive the most.

Since then I've remembered... almost two completely different lives. Towa Herschel, Adalaide... and then there's "Serenity Aslind" who is... neither of those people. Not exactly. It's like... taking the pieces of those people and trying to put them back together again. But things get lost and they change and... it gets harder to figure out who "I" am.

[She takes a shuddering breath and clings tighter.]

...I don't know if it's really the same or... if it helps, but-- I want you to know that you aren't alone.

Edited 2021-05-11 16:48 (UTC)

[Levity wraps his arms around her, stunned--to relive your death as your first memory... Moreover such a gruesome one, too, - he can't fathom it, how it must have felt for Serenity.]

I'm sorry, Renny...

[And the more she talks, the more Levity feels the same weight of not knowing who he is, what he is, what his purpose might be, press down on him all the more - but at the same time there's a measure of catharsis in it to know that he's not the only one.

Maybe he doesn't have to run from it. He doesn't know if he's ready to face it yet, but perhaps he can acknowledge it. But first...]

...It does help. Thank you, Renny.

[He kisses the top of her head softly, hoping that it would serve to soothe her somewhat.]

You might think it funny, but that... was how I put it when talking to L--Cosmo, too. That I feel as though all I am left with are pieces of myself. And even if I put them back together perfectly, they will never be whole again.

[As awful as every part of that feeling is, and how much she wishes he didn't have to feel it too-- in sharing it, she feels closer than ever to him right now.

Serenity doesn't know if she's really done anything worth being thanked for. But if it helped him even a little, then it was more than worth it.]

Of course... I will always be here with you. No matter what happens, I will always be on your side.

Maybe it's a little funny. But... it's also kind of sweet, in a way. Knowing that we both think of it the same way. Or maybe that's silly.

But I understand completely. It's... a lot of uncertainty. Not knowing what pieces go where or what you should keep and which you should let go of... and still knowing that some things won't feel or... fit right... even if they were something once really important to you.

[...]

I've always had a lot of doubts about myself. But I think this has only made it harder for me to feel... self-assured. If you don't know yourself... how can you really feel confident or good about it? I feel bad, because so many people have tried very hard to reinforce those feelings, but... I think no matter how close I get, there will always be some doubt that remains. At least... until I figure out who-- who I really am.

[Just. Going to hold her :( He's quiet for a little while, simply sighing softly and somewhat fondly--it's hard to gather his thoughts enough to add something to that, because... that's it, really. That is how it feels.]

...I feel the same. Cosmo and Alexander want me to--be myself, my own person... but I don't know who that is anymore. This world is...

[He trails off, struggling for words.]

It's... nothing like mine. There is so much I don't know, don't understand. I don't know how to deal with conflict. With feelings of anger or hurt. We never had to, not like that.

[She snuggles close, holding onto the arm around her.]

Mm. It's strange. It sounds simple. But... it's really not. Instead, I've tried to follow my heart, but-- that's... complicated too.

[Hearing him talk about his world, the things he's struggling with and how it's different... she realizes something kind of sad. And she really has no one to blame but herself.]

I kind of feel bad. There's so much I really don't know about you... I had no idea the kinds of things you've been struggling with. I'm sorry...

[Snuggly... good. He smiles softly at her words.]

It's not your fault, Renny. It's... not really something I've talked about much. Apart from with Cosmo and Alexander, because they're supposed to understand me... But they've changed, too. They've had twelve thousand years in the mortal world. The people I'm supposed to be closest with... and yet I feel as though there's such a chasm between us.

[...]

It is hard to follow one's heart when every other step you take turns out to be the wrong one.

[It makes sense that he'd want to share those things with them fisrt. They could probably understand better than outsiders would, at least in some regards. But it does mean more to her that he's sharing it with her now.]

...we've all changed, I think. But-- I don't think that's "wrong".

[She turns around in his arms, scooting onto his lap so she can look at him, cupping his face in her hands.]

You put your all into doing what you think is right. You're really passionate and kind. You care so much about everyone. [...] I can't believe that that's wrong. No, things don't always work out the way we plan, but-- I don't think you should bear the weight of that on your own.

[He blushes slightly at being held like that, but then gently tilts his head into the touch.]

...Thank you, Renny. It's just...

[He pauses, looking for words.]

I find myself wondering if my intent matters. What am I to do when my actions hurt someone, even if I want the best for them? When they're not willing to listen, and every explanation and apology ends up only making things worse... I don't know what to do then.

[She holds him and she listens, watching his eyes. And when he's finished--]

Of course it matters.

Not one of us is perfect. Sometimes we can hurt the people we care about without thinking or... realizing it. Not because we mean to or want to but because as much as we think we know what's best for others or what they would want-- sometimes we're wrong. And sometimes we just don't know, but we try our best.

If your heart is in the right place, I believe that means something.

...it doesn't mean that some people won't get hurt though. As people we're pretty resilient but feelings can be... fragile... at times. But I think as long as you respect those feelings and are honest about your own... it's still possible to understand one another, even if what the two of you want doesn't exactly line up.

Relationships are complicated and messy-- because we all have a lot of things we care about... people and causes and beliefs that we stand by. Caring about someone doesn't mean you have to agree with all of those things or support them. Just... try to understand and support them in your own way. We're all different, complicated people-- but that's part of what makes us great, too.

[She's right... she's right, of course. But nevertheless Levity can't help a little bitter - hasn't he been trying his best to understand Five? To explain himself?]

...But what can we do if being honest about our feelings hurts someone? Should we lie? I don't--no, I refuse to do that.

...sure, you could lie. Or you could hold them all inside. But... I believe that even if it hurts-- even if those feelings don't quite reach or two people's feelings don't quite match up... I still think you should say them.

I actually know someone who's... preeetty awful about talking about his feelings. Not that he'd admit it. He's always goofing off and joking around-- so you'd never really guess just how much he's hiding deep down. It took quite some time, but... my feelings did reach him. And one day he... was finally able to express them back to me. It's not a story that really has a happy ending, and yet--

Without a doubt... it was worth it.

Even if it isn't easy, I think that even working through your painful feelings, you'll be able to understand each other better. There's no guarantee that you'll ever see eye to eye, but-- you might at least be able to see things from each other's perspectives, as long as you keep trying to work at it.

time keeps on slippin, slippin into a mingle

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HOW HAS IT BEEN ALMOST TWO WEEKS... WHERE IS TIME GOING

WHEREMST DID IT GO???

Re: WHEREMST DID IT GO???

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SERENITY STOP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR THINGS THAT ARENT YOUR FAULT CHALLENGE

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Re: NAH

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Re: NAH

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