Randy Orlando (
crimeson) wrote in
imeeji_frontstage2020-05-26 08:49 pm
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Who: ZRAEL and... visitors?
Where: ZRAEL
When: 243 morningish
[it's a wonderful day in hell and you are a terrible-- wait, has that door... ALWAYS been there?]
Where: ZRAEL
When: 243 morningish
[it's a wonderful day in hell and you are a terrible-- wait, has that door... ALWAYS been there?]
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. . . I don't want them around either.
I know they all hate me. So why do they get to be in my house?
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It doesn't matter. If they wanna-- do their stupid posturing and stake claim over Zraels they can have 'em. I'm not gonna be there for it.
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[ Unhappy! Tail snap! ]
. . . But I'm not hanging around while everyone plays house either. And after things finally felt like--
[ Just. Breaks off with a frustrated sound. ]
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Then, eventually: ]
It finally felt like this was mine.
But now it's not.
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[ buries her face back into her arms. ]
You would've... liked what Zrael used to be like. A long time ago, when I first got here.
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[ She pushes off from the wall and wanders over to the pillow pile, kicking a shredded one aside before sitting, back to Req. ]
I've already heard plenty about how much better things were without us new people.
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[ quiet for a long moment ]
... I just meant I think they would have really liked you.
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You'll be the first to think so.
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[ shakes her head a little, looking up. ]
... why are you upset about it? Did someone else tell you something bad?
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[ She cuts herself off, rubbing at her face. ]
It doesn't matter.
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...
It doesn't mean I don't love you if I loved other people before, you know. ... I wanna think I've got a lotta love to give. I try, anyway.
I can miss people I loved before who are gone. I miss them every day. Doesn't mean I wanna replace you-- I'd miss you too.
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Her tail flicks a few times before she curls it close to herself. ]
I-- I know that.
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So...
...
I'd... like it. If I could talk about them sometimes.
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. . .
Who were they, then? "Old Zrael."
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... for a long time, it was-- me, Red, Man Eater, Dia, Doodles, Glory, Albert, Pharaoh, and Ashley.
Pharaoh came the same day I did-- Ashley and Albert came later, and then Glory came to us from Taisho.
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Yeah. ... yeah, he was. He was noisy and annoying and never wore a real shirt even though it was winter and got mad about stupid things and me and him yelled at each other all the time.
... he was really good. He loved Zrael so much he woulda fought anyone for any of us. Tried to, sometimes. Made sure all of us got heard, when we fought. Tried to make sure everyone still cared about each other, even if we fought. He was kind of a leader, in a way.
[ quiet for a long moment ]
He really woulda loved you, especially, I think. You're his favourite kinda person.
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Oh yeah? How do you figure that?
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He really liked people he could tease and get a reaction out of. People who could stand up to him in a fight.
... he was real sweet and caring though too. Didn't always understand people but he tried to help us when he saw we were upset.
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That sounds . . . nice.
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He was great.
... I love every Zrael, but I don't think anybody's been able to pull us all together the same way he did. I... tried. I wanted to step into his shoes. Thought I could. But I'm not good enough at... being that confident, or that earnest, or that GOOD.
In the end, I don't think anybody here wants Zrael to be the same as it was before. But I think... it's normal, to want to feel loved and secure again. You know...?
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[ shakes her head. ]
... it's different now. Cuz I'm not new and like... dumb, anymore. It's not cuz there's new people.
It's cuz I've changed a lot, since then. And sometimes I can't help thinking Zrael would be better off without me. ... 'specially when I-- when I cause problems, like today.
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It would not be better without you!
[ And then she freezes, ears lowering in embarrassment, tail flicking a bit. ]
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