imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

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Who: future is now and maybe visitors?
Where: future is now
When: Day 138, morning

[ A young man wakes up in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, Day 138, is the date he will make his idol debut in Imeeji Idol Productions! Although it was ten years, three months, and two days since he was given a name, it is only today that he will be given an idol name!

What will that new name be? ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[That. That is a lot of feelings, Maki. Was it is like to always feel that many feelings? (Intensity pretends he doesn't).]

Does that mean he does care? Or he doesn't?

...I'm sure he cares about ☆ZRAEL in general. That's part of his whole image of things... that everyone on the unit loves and supports each other. And I'm sure that's really significant to him, since previously he was a being of pure hate, or whatever.

[Finally draws a card, moving to the same square Intensity is on]

I'll assume from your avoidance that you don't think he cares about you.

...

[sighs]

Not that he totally doesn't. But he didn't see the contradiction between going on about how much the unit cares about each other and telling me it's no big deal that Ashley doesn't think of me as a unitmate and was specifically planning something just to hurt me.

Wouldn't admitting that force him to also admit that you and Ashley don't get along? Don't love and support each other. Perhaps he relies on that illusion of his unit as a crutch - and denies any evidence to the contrary.

Right. But that means... maintaining that illusion is more important to him than acknowledging my distress, even if it's right in front of him. Let alone trying to support me.

[He draws a card.

The curse of Mr. Mint means he has to move back a handful of spaces.]

I see.

...

[She glances briefly at Intensity, then picks up a card and fidgets with it before turning it over. It moves her forward another couple of squares.]

It's not like I even necessarily need him to talk about it, or anything. But he said he didn't even notice. That he assumed it wasn't a problem for me.

But it seems to be a problem for you.

Well, yeah.

[quiet for a moment]

I probably... didn't ever really believe in the unconditional love stuff. I don't think I could love everyone on the unit no matter what.

But, wanting to be on a unit where I belonged better, where everyone supported each other... that was the reason I joined in the first place. And that's what everyone told me it was like. So, when one of my unitmates just... told me to get out, that I wasn't as important... and that didn't seem to change anything for anyone...

Have you thought about telling that unitmate to get out? Just to see what the rest of them would do.

...I hadn't. And I can't now, because she is out. Transferred.

... A permanent one?

Mm.

You know how I said I liked five members of ZRAEL...? Well, that was all the remaining members of ZRAEL, until this morning.

What a coincidence.

[Said as someone who thinks that maybe it isn't a coincidence]

A lot of people have been taken out lately.

[Which might be an argument for it being a coincidence, but—]

...X is gone too. After we had... a final fight.

Final? Isn't that generally the word you'd use to describe your last encounter with someone?

It wasn't actually the last time I spoke to him, but it was... an end of things.

Things had been tense between us, especially since we fought at my live... but, we talked and agreed to start over, get to know each other from the beginning and try to be friends. Then like twenty minutes later, after I'd told him what was going on in my memory and we argued about a lot of things, he just told me it clearly wasn't going to work out and left. So...

Argued about what?

...A bunch of things. We fought almost every time we talked, really, and a lot of it kept coming up again.

This last time... Well, I told him I'd probably killed him, before, and that I was trying to get everyone to vote wrong and get everyone else killed, and he didn't seem to think that was strange...? He told me it made sense. That my live showed that I was clearly the kind of person who'd break down under pressure and kill everyone.

Were you expecting his sympathy?

Of course not. But he wasn't upset or angry either. More like... he'd accepted that was who I am and that it wasn't going to change, and was going to deal with it.

But that's not who I am. I'd spent like a week being confused and upset about that memory because I wouldn't give up that easily. And being the kind of person who gets my friends killed rather than being able to help or protect them is exactly the thing I am trying to change.

But he doesn't get to decide that. Just as your unitmate doesn't get to decide whether or not you belong on ZRAEL.

Of course he doesn't. I know who I am and what I'm doing.

But I'm not going to be friends with someone who thinks of me that way. Which is what I told him.

So it was an agreed upon irreconcilable difference of opinions. Wrapped up in an argument.