imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

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(no subject)

WHO: More time looking to have good idols
WHERE: Game Tower
WHEN: Day 120, later morning

[ it's an overflow!!! just start new threads here. please love yourself ]

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[ turning his head away, although he leans forward as if to encourage the touch ]

- still, I should . . . better get along with people in the first place, so you don't have to defend me so much . . .

[ a soft smile—and she'll let the touch linger, if it seems he welcomes it ]

That night, I asked why she was not worthy of understanding you— but, ah, perhaps I would have been better to say the reverse: I think you are someone who deserves to be understood.

[ i would rather

set myself on fire

than continue this conversation

tilts his head, pressing his cheek to the back of her hand ]

. . . I . . .

[ can't bear to give himself even that much, so he switches subjects ]

Uhm - I spoke with Ani-ue, since it seems he wasn't aware of . . . us.

[ OH FUCK—
conversation successfully redirected, though she does withdraw her hand in surprise ]

—Ah, you are right; I hadn't even spoken with him about it, everything has been happening so quickly. And it is so hard, sometimes, to speak with him about more than surface matters—

[ okay, focus ] ...Is he, ah, alright? What did he make of it?

[ thank god. ]

Uhm - he is . . . fine with it. . . Though what he thinks of it beyond that -

I'm afraid we ran out of time before we could discuss further. . .

You find difficulty in speaking to him. . . . ?

Edited 2019-05-25 04:49 (UTC)

[ she dips her head, shoulders dropping with something like shame ]

I... do, yes.

It is not so bad as it once was, when I often felt that I was pushing him away, even. We frustrated each other: I could not accept how passive he seemed in the face of his own suffering, and he clearly found me pushing the matter to be... distasteful.

Now we can speak on matters like the pain of this place. But in the span of one conversation, you shared more of your mind with me than he has by tenfold.

[ he can't tell her that he's forcing himself to because of the guilt weighing on him - even if he wanted to, his throat closes up from the pain. ]

. . . I think - perhaps, because of a lack of memories, of familiarity . . . Because of that, it might be difficult for him. Moreover, he is the sort to close up when pushed -

So, it would be better to wait for him to open up gradually, I think . . . ? Rather than trying to force a flower open with the north wind, it would be better to wait for it to bloom to the sun. . .

. . . Though while I say that, I myself am . . . mm, not very good at it either. I find my comfort in him to be in the quieter gestures - without conversation. . . But that makes it certainly difficult, if one wishes to bare one's heart to him and have the same be returned.

Mm... [ she closes her eyes; releases some held breath ]

You are right, of course. Patience is not one of my gifts, but that is no excuse.

Do you think he will, ah, bloom, eventually? —For either of us, in that case.

Whether he does or not . . .

I do hope that he does, for you. It does not matter to me, however, if he does not for me -

That is, regardless, I will do what I can to support him, in the ways that I can. Whether he confides in me or not , whether he trusts in me or not. Such is what I have already resolved to, and so, what he decides - I have stopped dwelling on it.

Edited 2019-05-26 20:57 (UTC)

I feel the same.

...Though I cannot quite say truthfully that I have stopped dwelling on it.

But it makes no difference to my resolve.

I wish you both the best.

[ she considers him a moment ]

My resolve is for your sake as well.

[ no i'm fucking

no

no

no ]

. . . I'm happy to even be considered.

[ she leans forward; places her hand on his a moment and gives a gentle squeeze ]

I... know we don't really know what we're doing, as mother and son.
But I am so very grateful to have the chance to figure it out, you know?

I -

[

,

have you had a son cry in front of you yet because boy howdy ]

Ah. Ahh -

[ drawing his free hand up to scrub at his face, suddenly and fiercely, like if he gets to it fast enough then maybe she won't see ]

Edited 2019-05-27 04:14 (UTC)

Oh—

[ she is rising from her seat, stepping around the table over to him—

doesn't let herself think long enough to hesitate; just puts her arms around him to hold him ]

[ he stiffens, frozen solid for a good moment before his hands - slowly, slowly, find their way around her.

it's not exactly a steady cry, more like a few attempts to strangle the tears before they come out in short, erratic bursts anyway, because his body is a fucking traitor.

but she's warm, and her heart beats, and he can't help but hold tightly to her like she's a floating raft and he's sinking. ]

[ She holds him close; lets him cry as long as he needs—or as long as time allows.

There's her hand, gentle at the back of his head, stroking his hair. ]

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