imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

[looking up from his phone where he's sitting on the broken down couch

uh. has Prim ever been to Bad End? welcome to Chance For Tetanus Central]

Prim...

[he sure looks like he cried even more since the end of the game]

[ like once, it was like. a while back tho. when boss didn't have eyes.

taking big steps over to him and just, putting her arms around him.

hi. ]

[orite. forgot about that.

and kind of freezes when she hugs him until he moves to return the hug.

hi.]

... dumb question, but you okay?

No.

[ She just needed to see Boss again because they were too upset for words earlier. So yeah. ]

I know you aren't either.

... yeah, I'm not.

[more coherent, sure. able to see the list of items he needs to take care of but

definitely

way not okay.]

Do you want me to go? I don't want to stay if you would rather be alone.

[ Still holding onto him for now, grip tight. ]

No.

[a little. quickly said but also no please?]

... no. I'm just... not really good at this anymore. I'm sorry.

[the sharing emotions things...]

I'm... working on it, some.

[ an idea. ]

Boss, I know a solution to that, sort of...

Do you trust me?

[... the dreaded T word.

but

he's already fucked up so much by not trying hard enough

tightens his hold a bit, and it comes out quietly, a bit hesitantly because Issues]

Yes...

[ That's fine, she's going to get comfortable then. Holding onto him but sitting next to him. ]

Buddy Bond allows me to create a link between us. You... don't have to say anything. You will feel what I feel, and I will feel what you feel.

I don't want to make the same mistake I made the first time I used this power, so... is this something you want?

[debates asking about that but maybe... not now.

he does look a little unsure. kind of nervous and a little bit anxious.]

I'm--it's probably a lot. I don't want to overwhelm or... hurt you.

Listen to me closely.

[ She takes a breath. ]

I would not offer this to you if I couldn't handle it. If you don't want to try to put it into words, I am here to support you in this way. To try and understand.

It's not... that I don't want to try? I just... don't really know how. With some of it.

[kind of. looks to the side, thinking for a moment, weighing things. before nodding, carefully.]

We can at least... give it a shot. But if it's too much, just. Cut the connection, okay?

[ She grabs his hand then, one arm and around him and one hand in his. She takes a deep breath before activating Buddy Bond.

And... as if flood gates open. The first thing Boss is able to feel is the soul-crushing guilt Primrose feels for everything she's done. No, it wasn't her fault entirely, or really at all. The second thing is how scared she is, legitimate fear that someone will come after and hurt her teammates. The people that she cares about very dearly.

There is more, but Prim is withholding a lot on her end. ]

[on Boss's end, there is an echoing and answering soul-crushing guilt that's only contained by a very small thread of knowing that letting that have a say would be hurting others--his friends who have already been hurt by him.

there's anxiety and a want to trust that's just barely broken free of a fear to trust--which leads to a much darker thread of emotion. there's probably plenty of feelings of No No No Mustn't Go Down There. he wants to trust so much but it's hard, feels like flexing a muscle that hasn't been used in forever, really.

last of all, there's concern and worry. for Prim, for HSS, for Maki, for A, for Fox, for his unit, for so many people. it's earnest and he just wishes he knew how to help but he feels overwhelmed with his own problems, to the point that he's barely keeping his head above it all, almost--but it's been getting easier. friends... help?

outwardly, he's inhaling pretty sharply and that last emotion of his flares up but then circling into self-doubt and not being sure how to but wanting to and--he reaches out to touch her face]

Prim...

Boss.

[ No doubt that this is a lot to feel all at once. But she isn't going to give up on him. She refuses to, and he can feel that just as strongly too. Boss is her leader, her home friend, someone she won't stop trusting no matter what. Dangerous, yes.

She feels a lot of softer things for him too, adoration... being the biggest one. Fondness right behind it.

She allows him to touch her face, the more contact, the better. ]

[oh... feeling those nice softer things just...

there is an answer to them, hesitant and nervous but strong with care and affection as well--at least, until that darker emotion threatens to well up

he wishes he remembered more about her, about them, because it feels like he's missing pieces to their relationship, and to his own puzzle of himself w-which is... a thing. he's distressed to realize he might not have all the pieces to and it's a little frightening and saddening and... lonely. it's lonely--

he reins that back in, but not before the hints of what that dark emotion is can be "seen"--just a big pit of more of that.]

--sorry.

[he says it quickly, a little choked. he likes Prim, he doesn't want to hurt her. he's tired of hurting his friends, he's so tired of it, he's going to cry a little.]

Don't apologize.

[ Like she did with Mars, Prim will reign him back in if she can. If he tries to push, she pulls. Prim is very overwhelmed, but this is the price that she is willing to pay to let him get all of this out without saying anything more than this.

Even if he feels lonely, he's never ever alone. He doesn't need to feel alone. ]

Don't be scared of letting me feel things, Boss. I can handle it. You won't hurt me.

No, it's just... old. It's old things...

[a cognitive 200 years worth of isolation and insanity and betrayed trust and murderous feels--all swathed in a nice cozy blanket of desperate loneliness, the kind that leaves people clinging to the point of clawing at the other person just to make. them. stay--

which there is only a quick speed-run moment of before he shuts it down, habitually, fearfully. there's still hints of it lingering, especially since they mirror the feelings about being demon-influenced so well, but... it's. not immediate. as he tries to focus on Prim, on holding her hand, on her steadier tho overwhelmed presence]

[ If he is still touching her face, she leans into that hand even more. Giving him any cue he needs in light of his loneliness. It hurts to feel Boss so hurt, and she feels that through their link.

When one of us hurts, both of us hurt.

But she never stops being a strong, steady presence. ]

Old things can still hurt, regardless.

[he screws his eyes shut because... he really doesn't want to work in that area just now, he just doesn't. he never has but...]

I'm... going to need to work on that side of things... little by little.

[he wants to try. he thought he had it managed, but that turned out not to be the case, so he wants to try and--this whole terrible experience has at least let him know that even with friends mad at him for going it alone... they haven't. abandoned him.

yet?

and that bit of doubt gets shoved back by a tired stubbornness. he decided he was going to trust his friends, damn it! frustration at self...]

Take it one step at a time.

[ She squeezes his hand again. Deep breath, maybe encouraging Boss to follow it. This experience has been terrible, and yet? There have been steps made for all of them. Something akin to starting towards something better.

She shifts around, freeing her arm the was around him to place a hand on HIS face this time. ]

Look at me.

[he does look to her, but he already looks ready to cry again--but more because he does follow along with that more positive emotion. that fragile little thing called hope stemming from the support of friends in spite of all the things he's done wrong

it's still tentative, a bit weak, but it's there and it's the reason why he's already been trying to figure out where to go from here, actually reaching out to friends, actually daring to trust in spite of those dark feelings.

it's a little like salve on a wound, pain and fear and bits of paranoia easing and catching him off guard with the intensity of relief--not being alone, not having to do this all himself, being believed, being seen and acknowledge for who he actually is--ugliness and all... that's really all he ever wanted

yep, he's definitely crying again.]

[ She was digging a little to get him to see a little hope, and maybe it worked. Even under all of his other issues.

She feels a little selfish, trying to help direct Boss' feelings like this. Trying to make him deal with the bad stuff, and feel everything now so he didn't have to feel like he would be isolated in them forever.

She feels...a little selfish because her own feelings for Boss are what lead her here. She isn't putting those at the forefront though. She's going to wipe at his eyes. ]

[there's a bit of confusion as he picks up on those feelings of... feeling selfish? he's not really sure why she would see it as selfish when she's obviously helping him?

he squeezes her hand, sniffing as he tries to. stop crying. again.]

Instead of... saying sorry for it being a lot. How about I say thank you... for being there for me, instead?

[and truly he is. the gratefulness and gratitude is there in abundance.]