imeeji_frontstage | memories bring back, memories bring back you

[ She can't blame him, what a shitty memory. ]

If there was some magic phrase to make it better, I'd say it now. But I know there isn't anything I can do but be here. [ Boy does she know it. Totally different flavor of suck than causing a mass casualty event, but the feeling isn't different: everything shaken to its very foundations. ] So what's what I'm going to do.

Whatever's in your past, or mine, we're still here together and we're still leaving here together. [ FIRM on that. She's never had more conviction in her life. ]

Ah... yes, you're right. We're leaving together, for a happier life than either of our pasts.

[They still have that - that hasn't changed. He can cling to that.]

[ A tight squeeze ]

You're still allowed to feel sore all over. I'd never say otherwise. Much as I wish it could be made better, it takes time. [ And sometimes things are forever changed, but she's trying not to think that. ]

I'm not sure who I am, now. I feel as though I knew more before I knew the truth.

I know. [ She's had her ideas of herself tossed around by her memories like sand in the tide often enough to be speaking the truth. ]

But I know who you are. To me, you're the same person you were five minutes ago. The same one I first met in your clinic. The man I love. Nothing could change that, nothing.

...That does mean a great deal. [Doctor squeezes her.] I... will need time, but. I will do my best.

Whatever time you need, at least as far as I'm concerned, it's yours. [ If only Production would let them breathe once in a while. ]

And now that I've said the important piece, if you need me to just listen I can do that. It's hard not to reassure you, but I know sometimes it's counterproductive. [ She doesn't want to make him feel like he can't tell her things lest he be bombarded with positivity. ]

Truthfully, I don't know where to begin. Knowing that I'm a figment of a child's dream...

God. In that memory where I had no thoughts at all, my illusions of personhood could simply be turned off like a switch.

Definitely a disturbing thought. [ She can relate way too hard to personhood being turned off like a switch, though in a very different way. But this isn't about her, it's just that the similarities between them lend themselves to these comparisons. ]

I wonder why you didn't have your wings and horns in some of the memories, then. If you existed only for his needs in his world, why have those? Why have any backstory at all? [ She's referencing his grandfather, and whoever he killed with the manjuu ~~which she still thinks are separate people lmao;;;;~~ ]

This dream version of me was based on someone he killed in reality... Then, the memories without the wings must be the 'real' me, such as one existed.

So that moment where he killed you wasn't part of the dream, then. [ Sort of sucks to know that actually happened but like.... it all actually happened as far as she's concerned since Doctor is a person and he remembers these things, so. ]

There's every reason to think the version of you that he killed, that existed, was close to the one in his dream. Minus the wings and horns. Those memories that I've seen weren't so different.

Indeed it was. ...And thus most of the memories where we were spending time together as friends was after he killed me.

[fucked up, frankly]

...At least, it does reaffirm my decision to still use 'Doctor' as my name, and not 'Kantera'.

[He's more real here than he ever was in his memories.]

[ rubs his back ]

Whatever makes this less hard on you.

Thank you. I - truly, I don't know how I would get through this without you.

[He would be a complete wreck, most likely.]

[ She smiles as best she can for him ]

I'll be here with you as long as I'm able. [ She can't make promises about anything given her hibernation cycle and this damn place, but if she could she'd do so in a second. ]

Maybe this means we'll definitely have a long future together after we leave here. [ Someone out of a dream won't age, she imagines. ]

An excellent point. I doubt I'll age, so that is at least one upside to this.

[it's something!]

People with history like ours need to take all the upsides we can get. This is a pretty big one.

I know if things don't work out with your wish I may not remember at first, but the idea of being without you is horrible.

I will be with you as long as I can be. [Squeeze.] I hope that is a long, long time.

[ There are many reasons she's glad they already decided on leaving here together with Venti, at the moment she's glad because maybe it'll keep him from feeling hopeless. She knows how tantalizing that call can be. ]

[ Smooching his cheek, just lightly ] I think it will be. I'm not accepting another outcome.

Nor I.

-I know I promised to take you to the sea, but might I request a visit to the rain room first? Easier to cuddle in without getting sand everywhere.

Of course. You can ask me for anything. Not just now, all the time.

-- Maybe I should have kept that last part to myself. [ tiny joke for your mood? She doesn't expect it to do very much but you know she had to try ]

I won't take too much advantage of your kindness. Probably.

Mmhmm, we'll see about that.

[ She pops up and offers him a hand. The best thing for feeling not-real is physical touch, in her humble opinion. ] But then I'd probably let you no matter what.

[He'll definitely take her hand to help himself up, and give her hand a squeeze.]

Should I take that as a challenge?

Only if you can bear in mind how competitive I am. [ Banter is such a panacea ]

I did restock that green tea you like, so we should be set. [ She can't cook but she can go grocery shopping at least ]

memories bring back, memories bring back you

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager

Re: tw: unreality, assisted suicide of teenager