imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: LiliS
Where: LiliS
When: post-KA-BOOM

[we extremely technically did not blow up]

How easy it would be to what?

[ Doesn't say anything for a few seconds, focused on the cookies. Then: ]

There're a bunch of people here who trust me. Don't ask me why, but they do. I'd like to think they're all still ready for me to stab them in the back, that it wouldn't be easy to get a whole mess of points the next time that PVP game with the zones comes around. But my brain won't shut up about it. Won't ever completely shut up about it.

In a place like this a lot of people think that way. We have to. Wanting to protect yourself and your unit is only natural. And you take that responsibility on your shoulders more than most.

People trust you and you feel unworthy of that, but you wish you weren't. Again, not a bad thing.

I think about it, too. Not that exactly, but how easily I can manipulate people, wondering if I ever really turn it off or just convince myself that I have. Sometimes it can be useful and even fun, sometimes it's awful, sometimes both at once.

I don't just think it about people off-unit.

[ Not that would be better, but there have definitely been intrusive thoughts in the general direction of unitmates. ]

It's not all strategically useful, some of it is just pointlessly ugly.

[ Carefully getting the cookies onto a plate, because that's better than punching something. ]

Which, I guess, you'd probably say is true of you, too. Seeing the strings you could be pulling.

It is.

[ He probably doesn't need to say much more than that. It's nothing either of them want to hear or would be surprised by. ]

[ Instead, Gent puts his back against the counter and leans on his elbows, not far from the plate which is rapidly filling with cookies. ]

But those thoughts aren't all you are.

I know, I'm not angling for Worst Person in Tokyo-F, just saying — I'm not sure how much protecting myself and my unit has to do with it.

[ How about that tea, the water's definitely boiled. ]

[ Pointedly takes a cookie from the plate and flicks his wrist to wave it about ]

You're here doing this when you could be doing anything else in the city. Even while you have those dark thoughts, and even when no one else thought to expect it of you.

I'm not sure a batch of cookies makes up for all the rest but -- [ he takes a bite ] they are damn good cookies, so.

[ A soft snort. His tea's gonna be milky, but there's plenty of herbal. ]

It feels better to be here doing this than a lot of other options. No altruism in baking if it's soothing or whatever.

[ He doesn't look or feel particularly soothed, and his tail is agitated again, but. ]

...This place is as close as I can get to home right now.

A thing can serve two purposes at once. [ Why does it have to be either altruistic OR making him feel better? It's both. ]

For whatever it's worth, I'm glad you're here. And that this place comforts you. I'm sure everyone [ except maybe Bella ] will help in any way we can. Maybe distractions are in order.

[ Agree to disagree!! ]

—I... well. Thanks.

[ buh ]

I guess if people try hard enough, they can still more or less leave me speechless even in this mode.

Not quite my intention, but I'll take it. And you're welcome.

[ He proceeds to get out mugs and tea leaves, because he knows when to shut up for a second. ]

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