imeeji_frontstage | getting the bad end together again (and then some)

[After three days away, Serenity is home. She's looked better, but there are no signs of actual discoloration. And as soon as she returns, she's as proactive as ever, making a point to gather all the members of BAD END proper for an announcement and a little meeting.

Naturally there is tea and snacks prepared for everyone.]

First of all... I'm sorry for being gone so long. Message or no, I'm sure I worried some of you quite a bit and for that I apologize. But there were some things I had to work out on my own; some... feelings I had to work through. Doing so I think I got a lot

That's why I want to make a point to open discussion with all of you. We've gone through an awful lot in a fairly short period of time. So I want to know how you're all feeling-- about the unit, about other units, about how we have played or want to play in the future... Of course I have things I want to say, but I care just as much about what you've all been thinking and feeling.

I was able to get a few different perspectives from others while I was sorting out my own feelings.

I think... devaluing myself and putting my welfare last probably affected the decisions I made before, and as a result I didn't fight nearly as hard as I should have for all of you. That's... something I want to work on. Even if that means I can't be as kind or forgiving. You all deserve someone who's just as willing to fight for all of you as you are for me. I'm willing to change and be better, I just... might need a good smack upside the head sometimes.

I have a few other things to add about specific topics but... I'll let you all add some of your own thoughts first. Or questions and complaints, if you have them. Whatever it is, I'm more than happy to listen.

Well said.

Though, if I may—your kind and forgiving nature is one of the qualities that recommends you best, and I would not see you lose it entirely. Mercy is no weakness, and I don't wish to inflict harm needlessly; however, as a member of this unit and someone who has developed a great fondness for everyone here, you included, I want to be able to protect all of you as well as I can.

On that note—I was thinking, during your, ah, sabbatical, that it would be prudent to discuss the sorts of things that members of this unit cannot tolerate being done to themselves or others in advance of games where we might need to think quickly.

...for example, as most of you may be aware, I despise anything that alters my thinking and emotions, and may additionally become dangerous under certain circumstances, and ask that we not take on such penalties lightly.

[Speaking of "mercy" makes Serenity smile, though there is a sadness in it.]

The name that Hellfire gave me that I choose to keep... Aslind means "blade-strewn softness" or in another way, "mercy in death". For me, it represents a desire to meet and respect my unit's ideals. There's no one here I want to see hurt, but I know now that I need to accept that I can't sit idly by and hope for the best either. It's a nice ideal, but... that's all it is.

I don't like needless suffering. If there's something I have to do, I... want to be able to commit to it. Not out of hatred but with mercy. Which is why I want to try and be as fair as possible-- not just to the other units but to ourselves. Which means also finding out who we all care about and want to protect most.

That's as good a place to start as any though. I can compile everyone's answers and make note of them so we have a proper record as well.

I can endure most things, but I know that you're not the only who feels that way. [...] For me, well-- some of you probably already know that... if there's anything I want to avoid, it would be losing my memories again. I want to protect my memories and my emotions more than anything else.

[ Ordine holds up three fingers. ]

Three things— one, [ He holds up one finger, ] I can't stand having my self-control taken away from me. I'd rather you just kill me straight-out.

[ Two fingers. ]

Two, no empathetic bonds. Sorry guys, you're all great but the thought of anyone feeling my feelings makes me want to jump off the highest building in the city.

[ Three fingers! ]

Aaaaand three, if we can possibly avoid it, I'd prefer not being impaled through the chest. Just call it a personal favour.

[ He hasn't addressed his actual greatest fear in things-to-avoid, but well... there's no helping that and he's already being far more open than he normally would. ]

As for other people, I'm against prolonging suffering. If we're gonna be merciful that's fine, if we're gonna kill someone then let's do it. But if it's a matter of torture, count me out.

[Serenity is quiet while he lists them. She hides herself in her note-taking for the most part.

Honestly, she already knew about all of these things. The last... she wasn't there, but she still remembers that report more than she wants to. But... it's still nice to hear him talk about them with everyone.

Although... she's well aware that there's probably things he's not saying too, because he's still Ordine.]

...mm. Understood.

[ She's the only one he expects to get that last one. But he looks over and gives her a small smile. ]

Taking notes, huh?

[ It's nostalgic. ]

Ehehe... yep!

We can't know who will be there for different games. That's why I want to collect all the information I can. I want to be able to remember these things, so that even if we aren't with us, we can still take them into consideration if we have that luxury.

Oh, I'll co-sign most of that, apart from the bit about being impaled through the chest. That part's—well, not fine, but I'd take that over having my head fucked with.

Oh yeah, if it's one or the other I'd take being impaled too. I expect it won't be avoidable most times anyway. But if it is, there you have it.

getting the bad end together again (and then some)

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