medical/self-care live!

[sancrimony]

Who: some cute nurses & you
Where: the lobby + wherever if you want a housecall
When: day 131, noon

[ hope everyone is resting well! or maybe keeping busy, as one does after horrible trauma. some sensitIVs are doing just that - actually, it's been a while since lucifel's called a live, hasn't it? but he's in the lobby in a nurse outfit, with nya,  and possibly a few other sensitIVs who may or may not have been roped into wearing nurse outfits. it's mystery ]

Ahhh . . . Uhm, good morning, everyone -

[ somewhat nervously, or maybe self-conscious, ]

It's been a while, hasn't it? Not for any good reason either, but - in any case, we thought it would be good to have something like this again . . . that is -

Hello! This is a medical checkup Live, since we've had a rough couple of days. Uhm, if you would like to get a checkup, we'll be here in the lobby! Even if you don't feel it's necessary, we've arranged to have some comforts here, if you'd like to stop by for some self-care, instead!

[ camera swivel to the lobby which has a bunch of dakimakuras (stripped of their covers so you're not looking at lewds) and blankets, some of them raised up like someone's taken boxes to make them into tables and put a blanket over it so it looks nicer. on them are a few kettles and teapots, mismatched like someone gathered pretty much every tea dispenser he could. there are also a few trays of sweets - desserts from the café, as well as fruits to be cut up, as well as like, ice cream and Japanese snacks like purin and senbei. there is probably literally a boxtable that is entirely just mandarin oranges. ]

. . . Uhm . . .

[ with the camera back to lucifel, who looks somewhat conflicted - though overall grateful, ]

Speaking personally for a moment - it was really comforting to have people by my side, yesterday - so thank you . . . Even though I was a mess who couldn't stop crying . . .

. . . And - in the end, it made me feel a lot better, and I understood just then that crying can bring great relief! So - uhm, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen to your troubles, or a lap to rest your head on, or someone to hug or wrestle to get rid of stress - well, I don't know if we're all able to do that here but we'll do our best to help you how we can!

[ and he gives an earnest smile, there ]

I'm still - uhm, learning . . . quite a lot of things, so this is the best I could think of for "self care", but if you have an idea for the future, I'd be most grateful to know it!

[ then, a beat ]

Ahh, but it's understandable that you might not want to relax around some people, so - well - for this reason, we decided against visiting every dorm like we did before, but -

If you'd like one of us to make a housecall to your dorm instead, then please send a text to your preferred healer on duty, and we'll be on the way! If you really can't tolerate any of us, then . . . well, it would be best to get as many points as you can, since this last game was really bad for scars, but - well, in any case, we'll do our best to stay out of your way, so please let us know in advance as well, or otherwise spend some time outside of the lobby, please! We've made a border  -

[ with a gesture to the line of pillows where all dakimakura and blanket and foodnonsense stops  ]

- for you to have a clear walkway, so please bear with our intrusion for the next couple of hours!

[ cheerily. ok lucifel signing off ]

sensitIVs | HOUSECALLS/TEXTS | Bring Your Own Toplevels | TOPLEVELS ONLY

Comments

[sancrimony]

. . . Certainly, for those licking their wounds, it can be difficult for them to understand your own struggle. Still, would you say that a man who lost an eye has no right to complain when another man has lost his leg? In the first place - in this place, are we not all accumulating wounds with every game of blood? Then, when will it be enough? When two eyes are taken? A finger? When can we say, "now you have suffered enough to speak of your pain"?

Though your own wounds are invisible, they are no less noteworthy. At least, that's what I think - but some people may not understand that pain, just as we may not fully understand another's world or their burdens.

[ with a pause; he takes a moment, somewhat troubled, but speaks slowly ]

Still, it sounds to me that you've already acquired fractures in your glass. In this place . . .

In this place, I have learned - when one is alone is when one is most susceptible to being broken apart. No, I should say that is human nature: a solitary ant holds no strength, and the same can be said for humans. When our opponents are higher beings of magic and power, when we have nothing else but our own skin and flesh and the bones that carry them, then what strength do we have besides in each other?

The devil comes, not in times of physical weakness, but in mental. And keeping quiet like that . . . Keeping quiet like that will only result in being isolated even while you're among people, you know . . . ? In that case, it's very easy for a demon to break you - simply, he need only wait for the people around you to trample on your glass until it is ground into dust - and none would be the wiser, to that invisible death.

[we_meet_again]

[His shoulders draw up a little and he bows his head. He swallows, trying to keep himself together.]

I know it's not the "misery olympics," and one person's pain doesn't invalidate another's. You're right.

But I don't know what... to do. I'm heartbroken because the people I love keep dying, but that's not their fault. I don't want them to feel... responsible, for that. And I don't know how to fix the problem, because I can't stop them from getting hurt. When I tried, I just. Contributed to their pain.

[a tear hits the blanket-covered box table.]

I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I don't know what to do to feel better. And I don't expect people who have died so many times to have sympathy for someone who always lives.

[sancrimony]

[ what's the olympioh wait i think i vaguely know this. huh

continuing to rub circles on his back with a steady hand, slower as he gathers his thoughts ]

. . . I won't pretend to know what to do. Everyone here . . . Everyone here is facing that same struggle - even those who would kill can't help but be frustrated and upset that they can't personally change their own loved ones' fates. In the end, this is a problem with the system itself - not the people within it. Still, if the system itself were to break - if the world itself were to shatter - then everyone's demises are most assuredly guaranteed.

It's frustrating. It's painful. In any direction, it feels like trying to slow down the descent with a parachute, and sometimes that parachute is torn or otherwise made poorly, hastily. Every situation feels like an emergency situation, a new twist and turn in this labyrinth of suffering.

. . . Still. Still, though the mind is a faulty map, the heart is a compass that never falters in the right direction. Consider this: it is certain that in hurting others, you may have contributed to their pain. Still yet, you bear no malice in your actions, and more than that, you hold guilt for them. What you did, you did out of love and out of pain in that love. And it is because of love that others found pain in your actions too, because they treasure you just as you treasure them.

It's the same as trying to carry an injured person's burden while being injured yourself; in the end, both you and that person will be frustrated with each other, but for what reason? Isn't it because of love?

So, so . . . Perhaps this is out of line for me, but consider your own actions to be less of a weight than you think them to be, in the last game. Consider that the map may lead you to the incorrect place, but you go to the direction that your heart leads, and that path is always correct. Consider, that if what has happened now was a mistake, then you simply need to correct it next time. Speak to those you have hurt, who you wanted to protect - seek out directions to better find your location, and perhaps then, you'll be able to find the correct answer. Even if you don't find the right answer next time, or the time after that, consider that the weight of somehow absolving others of their yokes as tied to them by this world is bearing too much responsibility for yourself - just the same fear that you have for your loved ones.

[ there's a pause then, when his hand stops - before he continues on ]

. . . How to feel better . . . I wish I knew. This Live is one for myself to find those answers, too. I'm sure others are enduring the same sort of struggle - and that, in and of itself, is something that I'm sure you can find common ground with the others here. Regardless of whether you're someone who lives or dies.

[ and then he speaks a little softer ]

Should you decide that it is imperative for you to continue as you are now, to hide the fractures and speak nothing of your pain - or if you find that there is not a single person in this desert that will offer you sympathy, then please. Come find me, or otherwise, I'll find you. Though we aren't close ourselves - if you have no one else you can place this burden on, then let me take it. Because I am more distant, and because I understand - more than anything in this world, what I understand the most is the pain of living on the corpses of your loved ones.