imeeji_frontstage | (no subject)

[squeezes Nine's hand and follows.]

It's that obvious, huh.

A little.

[Taking him up into his room, sitting on the edge of the bed, and offering him a sun cookie.]

Unless you'd rather not talk about it and want a little more time.

[takes the cookie, turning it around in his hands instead of immediately eating it.]

I'm... mad and disappointed at so many people right now. And wondering about how I fit in with my unit.

How do you want to fit with your unit? And how do you think you currently do?

Edited 2019-01-12 04:14 (UTC)

I've... always wanted us to be close, you know? Like we were at the beginning. It's fine if we don't agree on everything, but at least there's a connection.

Right now... I'm not sure I fit at all.

I do know, and I also know its hard when you look back and wonder what happened. How did it all change? Though maybe it shouldn't be surprised. We were blank slates to start, easy to come together. Now that the edges have begun to form perhaps the pieces don't fit quite as snuggly as they did even if they do at all.

Though doesn't it boil down to not wanting to be alone? To feel isolated.

[Humming and threading a few fingers through Anubis' hair.]

Whatever happens with your unit or this place, that isn't going to happen to you. I simply won't allow it. I will be here for you and the Producers, these ridiculous units, or death can't stop me.

... yeah. You're right. I knew it was probably going to happen, but I just didn't-- I guess I didn't expect not fitting together to be this painful.

[closes his eyes with a sigh, leaning into Nine's touch.]

I'd accuse you of trying to get out of any scolding at all, you smooth talker. But-- no, I believe you. Don't leave me alone. No matter what happens, I believe we'll have each other.

Let me let you in on a little secret.

[Moving closer to pull Anubis onto his lap.]

I had a similar thought about my own unit after the Trial. While our circumstances are very different it does boil down to fitting in with your unit, doesn't it? You saw my little spat with Joker. Do tell me if I am incorrect, but I don't think he was even going to listen to what I had to say even if it did make sense to him. He had his mind made up and that was that. While that isn't concerning in itself, he did attempt to use the encounter as leverage over my unitmates. It did get me thinking. If Joker and my viewpoints did eventually split the unit, what would that look like? Whose mind would be open enough to sway? And I'm not looking for automatic agreement as being able to have that conversation as I know my methods are unique. It is who would listen. I believe that Tatsuya and Phoenix will side with Joker. Silk probably would, but that might be changing. Thorn would be the wild card.

I came to the conclusion that I really couldn't trust any of them. Not yet at least.

So I'll ask you the same question. Who on your unit do you trust to listen to you?

[settles onto Nine's lap, loosely looping his arms around him. he looks a little unsettled by the talk of a potential Bad End split.]

I... to listen to me, and really consider what I have to say? Lavender, Persephone, Nya. I guess.

Ha! You picked all the ones I like.

Then focus on making what you want with them and ignore the rest. And that's not to say don't be friends with the others. You have a bond with them that is unique. But if you don't believe they will even listen to you, then the cause is lost before you even start.

And the Producers do want us to focus on our units, but that doesn't mean that's who you have to choose as your confidants. If the people you are closest to are on another unit, then so be it. Make your own group. I think you'll find the fitting in comes more naturally that way. Games become complicated, but that is something you can work out with them.

[he's quiet for a bit, clearly thinking this over. when he speaks, it's slow, like he's still puzzling the words out.]

Everything you're saying makes sense. It's really good advice, even. How come you're so good at this and then you go and do dumb things?

[huffs a faint laugh, gone as fast as it starts.]

I guess... well, that's the normal way to do things. To find friends. And I think I have. It's just that I end up thinking about everything I've tried to do for my unit, and I just wonder... if I was wrong.

Hey!

[Gives him a disappointed, but he can't keep a straight face for long. He gives a sharp laugh.]

I have a lot of ideas. Not all of them pan out. I just don't let the bad ones discourage the good ones. And my last idea had merit until everyone decided to dial up the crazy to 11. Had I know that before, I wouldn't have tried.

Do they want unity? I'm not saying it's wrong. But maybe what you want isn't what they want.

Edited 2019-01-14 06:04 (UTC)

Yeah, it's true. You never run out of new ideas.

[... sighs.]

My ideas seem to be bad, lately. I thought they wanted unity. It sounded like that. But either I was wrong, or I'm the one who just can't agree to the kind of unity everyone else is okay with.

They probably did. They probably still do. However, the situation has change a bit or at least people have perceived it to have changed. Exael did mention once that we were in the opening act. It has to change sometimes.

And I don't think the idea is bad, but you've been trying for a while. Perhaps it is time to focus your attention elsewhere or at least let their actions run its course.

Mm...

[turns his head to just press his face against Nine, only just pulling back far enough to murmur]

I don't know if I know how.

At least you didn't say you couldn't. That's at least one step ahead.

[Running his knuckles lightly up and down Anubis' spine.]

Is it just idle hands or do you truly want to put your weight behind making sensitIV the cohesion you want it to be your goal?

[closes his eyes.]

It feels like... I don't have anywhere solid to stand, and that I'll lose something important for good if I give up, I guess?

[Keeping up with the motions.]

Then keep trying. But be patient. There are a lot of strong personalities on sensitIV. The more you push, the more they will probably push back. Perhaps a more subtle approach.

[wow tmw you forget to hit the "post comment" button]

Maybe...

[flops sideways onto the bed proper, tugging Nine with him.]

I feel like I've tried subtle. Now I'm just going in circles.

[it gets us all eventually. 'tis a sneaky thing.]

[Tugged and propping himself up on one elbow.]

I wish I could give you better advice than keep pushing. Perhaps find an ally among one of them and at least then you can attack it together.

Perhaps I should take a step back. What does unity look like to you?

Persephone-san and Lavender-san probably wouldn't act. Nya-san... I don't know.

I guess... at this point I'd settle for being able to do things as a unit, together, sometimes. Listening to each other in games and not going behind the rest of the unit's back. Accepting that we're going to have different opinions and that's not necessarily an attack.

I can see why you are stressed out.

[Draping a blanket over both of them.]

Though I'd rather diversify our skills for endgame, as a last resort I could investigate moving over to sensitIV. Though I did want you to have your own space.

[takes a deep breath, and lets it out in a huff.]

No... I think you being on a different unit is better. That way we're not dealing with the same issues at the same time. So... yeah. Diversifying.

[Seems relieved as well in that 'I offered I thing I didn't really want to, but would have' kind of way.]

I'm glad we can agree on that. I do hope you can find peace with your unit or at least with yourself in the near future.

[yeah he figured. takes one of Nine's hands in his own and laces their fingers together.]

Thanks. Who knows. Maybe it'll turn out better than expected.

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