........ I think I was.

[He's just barely not chugging his drink. He's a big guy and frankly, he's drinking to get drunk. No two ways about it.]

I guess I am afraid that if I act out, I am going to be a big piece of shit again and then I will become everyones enemy. That maybe people will think that I am not worth the time and effort, and they will just try to get rid of me.