I was afraid.

I have imagined, for a long time now, what it would be like to kiss you. And in my private thoughts, it was safe and secure and no one could see the true shape of my feelings for you. To have it thrust suddenly into reality like that... I felt cold, and confused, and somehow I wanted more, but I--

[he clenches his hands into fists, then relaxes them]

... if I had stayed, the truth would have come out. It seems I cannot stop it from coming out, regardless.